Yes, I’m the mountain lion who tried to snatch yourbaby. I was hungry. Game is scarce. But I’m not sure I was stalking to eat. Yousee, a month ago my son was run over trying to get across your four-lane, andmy ill will hasn’t lifted because I saw it happen. And then, of course, thebaby was on a blanket on ground that once belonged to me -- before thedevelopment, before the four-lane, before your nonchalant indifference to theeffect of whatever you feel like doing has on me.

 

They’re hunting for me, but they’ll go easy when theycatch me, and they will. After all, it’s not any of the violent barbarisms youroutinely practice on your miscreants that they’ll use on me. No. They’ll putme down –  a euphemism for murder me -- byeuthanasia. I’ll feel just like I’m taking a nap. Such noble humanism.

 

It’s happened to so many of my family, so many of myclan -- we who were here long before you clambered up our mountainsides withyour Indian guides and long rifles – that it’s become what your species callthe new normal. 

 

And oh, sincere apologies for the inconvenience my soncaused. Serious impact damage to the car. The police report says doing 80 in a 55zone. Your insurance is going to go up, you know how that works. And howabout the traumatized children in the back seat. My goodness, another thing to haveto work on in therapy.

 

I have a modest proposal that will even the playingfield. I think if you’re willing to be honest, you’ll agree its time has come.Euthanize the driver. Or better, turn the driver over to me.