An extremely moving story of bereavement,coercive control and redemption.

You can’t get much morevulnerable than a young girl who believes she has failed to prevent a belovedparent’s death. WhiteButterfly’s depictionof a person who would then exploit such an innocent and damaged young woman is totallybelievable and at the same time someone you hope wouldn’t appear in real life –but they do. The media is more and more frequently reporting cases wherepartners have suffered long-term psychological abuse at the hands of theirloved ones. The insidious nature of the abuser’s method is creeping andhorrific. The bruises are on the inside. As a beacon of hope, society isbecoming more aware of these dangers and help is at hand for those who can seepast the gaslighting and take that extremely difficult step out of an abusiverelationship.

Spoiler alert! I have to disclosesome aspects of the story in order to express my opinions as a reader. If you’rehappy with that then read on. Else just read White Butterfly and liveSakura’s life.

Sakura, the main character, findsherself in just the situation I described above. After the birth of theirdaughter, things get even more difficult. Her partner, Chris, is older,handsome, confident, a successful businessman, in control of the finances, incontrol of everything. She’s young, innocent and totally vulnerable. He’s amasterclass in gaslighting, a term which I didn’t really fully understand untilI read this book.

As reader I came up for air whenSakura went to the women’s shelter. I was at the point of not being able totake any more of Chris, worrying that he would move on to physical abuse. Inthe shelter, Olivia’s support for Sakura is a lifebelt in a threatening sea ofdespair and it really is wonderful to see Sakura come through everything,gradually realising that not just she, but friends and family too, might and dostruggle to cope with how to handle a bereavement & abuse situation likethis. But the way the justice system subsequently treats Sakura in her legaldealings with the father of her child is effectively a form of institutionalabuse, and today’s society should reconsider the lack of compassion embedded inhow the courts operate and the strategies that the legal eagles employ.

The real awakening for Sakura herself is whenshe realises that, at some time in the future, she will come to appreciate /regret / be able to make use of / have to come to terms with something that ishappening in the now. Partly that’s her growing as a person, without thecoercion that has hindered her development. Mainly it’s the knowledge andwisdom imparted by those who help her, once she manages to escape Chris’sgrasp.

It was an eye-openerfor me to realise that friends and family of abuse victims might have troubleunderstanding and reconciling themselves to the abuse having occurred “on theirwatch.” They might then not be able to behave towards the victim in the best andrequired way for healing the situation. In hindsight, I’ve seen this in thefriends and family of separated couples in the real world. They often unwittinglyattach blame to the victim. Sakura finds herself not understood by those shethought were the good guys, and she can’t help but judge them for that, eventhough she understands why they’re behaving so. That’s her own fallible humannature. At the end of the day, this situation can have more than one victim. Ittakes some time for everyone to mature into the new world of freedom and tocast off the malign influence of the manipulative abuser.

I need togive special mention to Sakura’s love of horses, which is the anchor throughouther troubles. Tye, the stables owner, is a rock. The complete antithesis ofChris. Several times I thought Tye and Sakura might get together. In the futuremaybe, who knows?

One finaltakeaway for me from this book. In the cold light of day, when one partner in arelationship is stronger than the other – through age, experience, confidenceor character – the stronger person really needs to be aware of the situationand ensure that they don’t behave in a coercive manner. Generations gone byhave lived lifetimes being bent to the will of someone they believe loved them.Now it’s time for that to stop.