Breaking the Silence
posted by Neil Gaiman
Over the past many months, I have watched the stories circulating the internet about me with horror and dismay. I���ve stayed quiet until now, both out of respect for the people who were sharing their stories and out of a desire not to draw even more attention to a lot of misinformation. I've always tried to be a private person, and felt increasingly that social media was the wrong place to talk about important personal matters. I've now reached the point where I feel that I should say something.
As I read through this latest collection of accounts, there are moments I half-recognise and moments I don���t, descriptions of things that happened sitting beside things that emphatically did not happen. I���m far from a perfect person, but I have never engaged in non-consensual sexual activity with anyone. Ever.
I went back to read the messages I exchanged with the women around and following the occasions that have subsequently been reported as being abusive. These messages read now as they did when I received them ��� of two people enjoying entirely consensual sexual relationships and wanting to see one another again. At the time I was in those relationships, they seemed positive and happy on both sides.
And I also realise, looking through them, years later, that I could have and should have done so much better. I was emotionally unavailable while being sexually available, self-focused and not as thoughtful as I could or should have been. I was obviously careless with people's hearts and feelings, and that's something that I really, deeply regret. It was selfish of me. I was caught up in my own story and I ignored other people's.
I���ve spent some months now taking a long, hard look at who I have been and how I have made people feel.
Like most of us, I���m learning, and I'm trying to do the work needed, and I know that that's not an overnight process. I hope that with the help of good people, I'll continue to grow. I understand that not everyone will believe me or even care what I say but I���ll be doing the work anyway, for myself, my family and the people I love. I will be doing my very best to deserve their trust, as well as the trust of my readers.
At the same time, as I reflect on my past ��� and as I re-review everything that actually happened as opposed to what is being alleged ��� I don't accept there was any abuse. To repeat, I have never engaged in non-consensual sexual activity with anyone.
Some of the horrible stories now being told simply never happened, while others have been so distorted from what actually took place that they bear no relationship to reality. I am prepared to take responsibility for any missteps I made. I���m not willing to turn my back on the truth, and I can't accept being described as someone I am not, and cannot and will not admit to doing things I didn't do.
message 1:
by
Rayna
(new)
Jan 15, 2025 02:37AM
Stand your ground and don't fall for other peoples' greed.
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Rayna wrote: "Stand your ground and don't fall for other peoples' greed."Ew
I hope you are being honest here, Neil. For the sake of your fans, and your own sake.
No explanation for why you think multiple women have drummed up this supposed conspiracy against you (emotional unavailability doesn't cut it) or why you made hush money payments and had them sign NDA's suspiciously dated exactly to the alleged assaults before any of this came out.You know what you did. This is just a transparent attempt to leverage your fanbase against your victims. You'll never get a penny from me ever again.
Rayna wrote: "Stand your ground and don't fall for other peoples' greed."Ugh. What is wrong with you?!
No matter how genuine people are about what they say in situations like these, the most popular reaction to one's response of their own controversies will almost always be still negative. It takes a lot more than just a response to prove yourself, but it can be a start to taking responsibility and dealing with the situation in the public eye.
So to summarize, multiple women who you were in sexual relationships with have accused you (a well known, beloved public figure) of sexual abuse.... coincidentally. Really? Are you suggesting they are all lying? That this is all a big conspiracy? I feel dirty because I use to be a fan and spent a lot of money on your books only to find out that you're just another abuser pretending to be a "nice guy".
Also, why exactly has Goodreads disabled reviewing on your most popular books? Did you ask them to do that? Why? You got to post your opinion here; are you worried the rest of us might as well?
🤮🤮🤮🤮 I believe the survivors. Fuck out of here with this garbage, Neil.
"On a day like today it’s worth saying, I believe survivors. Men must not close our eyes and minds to what happens to women in this world. We must fight, alongside them, for them to be believed, at the ballot box & with art & by listening, and change this world for the better." - Tweet by Neil Gaiman (6:59 PM · Sep 28, 2018)
I know I can't expect anyone to be perfect and you are completely free to do what you want (and face the consequences when necessary) but what disappoints the most is the rank hypocrisy of you making yourself out to be a feminist and for women's rights and empowerment while also doing what you did. Tell me, how feministic is it of you to wield your power and money to quiet women who you allegedly abused? And how much have you warped Ash's mind by subjecting him to the things being reported? You can have whatever kinks you want, but you know full well that means that it happens with clear communication and expectations. Clearly that wasn't the case.
I'm disappointed. You writing all the beautiful stories and characters only shows that you know what a good person is like, but you CHOOSE not to be one.
I don't believe you, Neil.Signed, an ex-fan.
We are living in a disheartening era where many people care little about the validity of accusations. Instead, they seem eager to find someone to publicly vilify, perhaps as a way to feel better about themselves.There’s a reason why the principle of "innocent until proven guilty" exists. It's a cornerstone of fairness and justice.
Stay strong and rise above the noise of the narrow-minded crowd.
P.S. Still patiently awaiting The Seven Sisters :))
I believe the survivors. Put his abusive ass in jail.
I wonder what kind of indignities you were thinking while you were writing "Caliope", you deceitful son of...
Stfu, you filty scum. What a disappointment you are to all your fans. Keep living in your little delulu world where you think you did nothing wrong.I would donate the books I have of yours but I don't feel comfortable other people picking them up. So trash it is; the same place that you belong.
I guess I have just never understood why people who are outside of a situation think that they can pass judgement on it. I wasn't there, so I don't know. Personally, I am not perfect and have made many, many mistakes in my lifetime. I plan to make more. Not as a goal I just understand reality. Anyway, I was just trying to decide which of your books to read next and came across this. American God's or Norse Mythology?
"I've always tried to be a private person," says the once king of Tumblr, your Twitter would also disagree with your claim. Your stories that once brought me comfort, now bring me warmth, as they burn in my fireplace.
You might be creating your own reality Neil, you will want to check on that. Saying "I have never engaged in non-consensual sexual activity with anyone" is not much really, there's so much more that can go wrong beyond that, for many different reasons. If you are ready to take responsibility for your "missteps" as you say, the first thing would be to say sorry for whatever you did wrong, and this is not for you to judge, is for the victims to decide, so you need to listen to them, not to yourself.
Saying that almost nothing of what they say really happened, it's not a good sign, it's not what we expect of someone that's truly sorry.
Frannie wrote: ""I've always tried to be a private person," says the once king of Tumblr, your Twitter would also disagree with your claim. Your stories that once brought me comfort, now bring me warmth, as they b..."👏👏👏
Unfollowed “the Master”. This is such a disappointment.
These are serious allegations, and it's important to approach them with compassion and fairness. Sexual misconduct can have devastating impacts, so it's vital to support investigations and respect the courage of those coming forward. At the same time, due process is crucial. Neil Gaiman has the right to present his side too. Let’s be mindful not to rush to judgement, show empathy for everyone involved, and reflect on broader issues of accountability. Whether or not the allegations are true, advocating for a fair and just process is what matters most.Meanwhile, whoever is not a story-reader but a simple brand consumer, please don't destroy your books, don't throw them away and, for no reason, don't burn them! If you don't want them give them to ones who appreciate good books and good storytelling.
I read so many fake accusations of multiple women towards a famous rich man, and so many real accusations... that I believe is better to WAIT and see what justice can find about this allegations before even considering to start screaming bloody murder (or otherwise). We have the word of different people. That's it. No one, on either side, produced any evidence. What do I believe? At this moment? That the truth is usually someplace in the middle, but in order to pass judgement on either Neil Gaiman or these women and start accusing people of lying or worse, we need to WAIT and see what a proper investigation finds. Signed: probably the only rational person in the internet.
Portia wrote: "Hannah wrote: "I guess I have just never understood why people who are outside of a situation think that they can pass judgement on it. I wasn't there, so I don't know. Personally, I am not perfect..."Yikes? Politely pointing out that I am not perfect shocks you? Politely pointing out that I will continue to make blunders throughout my lifetime shocks you? Politely pointing out that I do not know the truth of the matter because I am not involved shocks you? Maybe hop down off that high horse.
I think you should have taken a harder look, and maybe we could have done without this update.
Neil, I've supported you for decades but this blog post sounds like you're doing your best to gaslight your fans and tiptoe around the truth. I'm out.
Silence and much worse is what you deserve
Portia wrote: "Hannah wrote: "Portia wrote: "Hannah wrote: "I guess I have just never understood why people who are outside of a situation think that they can pass judgement on it. I wasn't there, so I don't know..."Still missing my point. I'll try again. I was not there, neither were any of the commenters. I won't pass judgement on a situation I am not involved in. I don't think others should be either.
Jon wrote: "I read so many fake accusations of multiple women towards a famous rich man, and so many real accusations... that I believe is better to WAIT and see what justice can find about this allegations be..."I believe there is no investigation, this is all that we get, the victims word and text messages, and Neil, admitting to most of it, except the crucial part
Bexen wrote: "Jon wrote: "I read so many fake accusations of multiple women towards a famous rich man, and so many real accusations... that I believe is better to WAIT and see what justice can find about this al..."If there's no investigation then we can't really pass judgement at all. We can take sides with nothing but the words of strangers (a huge error and usually mandated by ideologies), or we can simply state opinions like "IF true is shameful". But we can't "take action" against someone without an actual investigation (even if done by a third party and not the justice department).
Neil admitted to some facts, but he also claims there are actual lies in what these women say. If from his perspective are lies, he won't admit to it, and that is fine. Now the problem lies (no pun intended) in: are the women confused or even lying? Or is Neil? We can't confirm or deny neither side because we do not KNOW any of the people involved.
As a big time fan if some of your works, I hope you find it in yourself to look within, learn and grow instead of close your eyes, deny, and continue as before. It sure would be the easy way, but I hope it won't be your choice.
If there's an investigation, cooperate openly. That's the very least anyone should do, and it's your moral obligation to your fans.
The very heart of this is volatile - it's almost impossible for anyone involved to speak about this, let alone those of us with no direct involvement or knowledge. Very broadly speaking, either position could be true and has occurred repeatedly in the past lives of other people (whether that's someone who has been abused sexually and takes the risk to speak out, or someone who is inaccurately accused of that behavior). Those of us on the outside certainly have no meaningful insight into what did or did not happen. I can only hope that the truth surfaces and that whoever has been hurt will be able to heal.
You're one of my favorite authors. I hope the complete truth comes out and if the women were wronged that the consequences are faced. But I separate the art from the artist and will continue to read what you write.
I no longer admire you as a successful writer. You make me sick with your excuses and bullshit non-apology.
I'll just speak over-selfishly now, since it seems in the thread no one is noticing a missing piece in the discussion. I care about Gaiman's writings, which become mine as soon as I read them. The rest is a legal matter, which naturally affects all people directly involved, but that I keep totally separate from the work of an author and certainly doesn't affect my pleasure or displeasure in reading it.
By the way, the same applies to Heidegger, Oppenheimer, Sartre, Foucault, to name a few. With the difference that their precise biographical responsabilities have now been formally acknowledged, whereas Gaiman's have not, yet.
Until then, it's just gossip, which I don't engage in.
Well at least now you'll have time to write something new.
It's really tempting to believe you. Then I could go back to feeling the way I did about you before. You were my last author obsession before I became an adult: someone who I found, and then grabbed every work of yours I could get my hands on to consume, so you feel so ingrained, like a part of my identity laid in when I was more impressionable.But I can't do that, because their accounts make more sense than yours.
I could do that I think if you owned unequivocally that you messed up, and aren't the one to say how badly, and then committed to a restorative justice process.
See Reid Mihalko modeling how it's done. Use a search engine for "Reid Mihalko" and "informing you about my accountability process".
Stop equivocating and denial. Own it, try to fix it as best you can, if you want to be respected again. Any amount of denial isn't helping you.
once heard i was shocked, my most fav author ever and I'm confuse... I hope everything becomes fine, in any best possible and fair way. :(
Jon wrote: "I read so many fake accusations of multiple women towards a famous rich man, and so many real accusations... that I believe is better to WAIT and see what justice can find about this allegations be..."Not the only rational one.
As a stranger on the internet, having heard only hearsay, I don’t know anything really. I have a strong reflexive disgust and horror for accounts of sexual abuse, however, I’m not one to give in to the idiotic “the accusation is heinous, therefore the accused must be guilty” arguments we see way too often.
Nonetheless, this question still lingers in my mind:
How can so many unrelated women have fabricated these stories out of the blue, unless there is at least some shared nugget of truth to them, and something wrong really did happen?
Neil Gaiman is free to publish whatever thoughts he likes, but in this case, he leaves a lot to be desired in the way of clearing his name.
The accusations are strong and numerous, and much more than the contents of this blog post is warranted.
As I said, "Neil Gaiman is free to publish whatever thoughts he likes,” and if the same cannot be said for his accusers, then that is wrong and grossly unequal. Some commenters are speaking of NDAs. In a situation like this, if those aforesaid NDAs do actually exist, I think it is absolutely necessary that all of those NDAs be lifted, as they can only serve to protect Neil Gaiman and cruelly muzzle the potential victims. If Neil Gaiman truly wishes to appear innocent and/or magnanimous, this is the key first step.
I abide by “innocent until proven guilty,” but if I’m being honest, I’m struggling to decide whether I’ll ever consume any more of Neil Gaiman’s creations again.
This is a heartbreaking development, as I long thought of him as my favorite author, starting in childhood. (Stardust, Neverwhere, Sandman, etc.)
I’d love for this to be a big misunderstanding, but I’m suspending judgment and maintaining skepticism indefinitely.
todd mcfarlane deserves to take the rights to angela back from u. i hope u rot in hell w all the other rapists!!!!!! xoxo ella
[Insert Tokyo Toni gif of her monologue to Hilary Clinton]
I don't know who's lying, but someone definitely is.
I and a lot of my friends used to find comfort in your work, Neil. A lot of those individuals are SA survivors. How can you mask yourself as a good man who supports women and then have women speaking out against you for "rough and degrading" sex? You claim to accept people and yet can't accept you've done anything wrong. Your "breaking the silence" screams "I refuse to truly apologize because I'm too far up my own ass". These are not mistakes, they're just despicable actions. Rot in hell. -a former fan
