In Praise Of That Extinction Event

Being eaten by giant crocodiles
Seldom causes giant smiles.
And only one will be the victor
When you hug a boa constrictor.
Could anyone be impoliter
Than the ones who are dinner for that giant spider?
I’m fascinated by megafauna.
But hang out with ’em? I don’t wanna.

Polyphebus Gets Annoyed

We are mythical. We’re not men.
We’re positively Cyclopean.
Our foreheads bear one proper eye
(It’s what makes us Cyclopi.)
Our lives would be okay, as such
If Nobody didn’t hang out with us so much.

The Dracolich

I am fascinated by the tragic grandeur of the Dracolich.
When I encounter one, I say, “How sad!”
Then I run like a sonofabitch.

The Liminal and the Blime

The difference between liminality
And criminality
Is purely a matter
Of virality.

Which, due to subliminality,

I can’t judge with any real morality.

The Rust Monster

How we love the Monster of Rust;
destroys like a demon,
gives XP like dust.

Cockatrice

The Cockatrice
Is such a vice;
My favorite monstrous chickadee.

If you fail your check
Against its peck
Your life ends petrifiedly.

Hecatoncheire

I’ve just been involved in a slight affray
Between two Hecatoncheire.
The entire town of Hackensack
Has been inverted, and back-to-back
With Bergenfield, and Ho-Ho-Kus
Destroyed, guarded by Cerebrus.

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