Have you heard this before? Said this before? In my family we joke that it’s a warning something offensive is coming.

Even when criticism is meant in the best way possible and prefaced by the words “no offense, but”, it has a way of sparking to life our defense mechanisms–all the ways we  cope with anxiety, threats to our self-esteem, and news that we have bad breath. Typical defense mechanisms are denial, avoidance, rationalization or projection: It’s not me, it’s you!

Personally, I’m a...