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I have been so tired.

I’ve experienced the kind of weariness that hours of sleep won’t cure. I know. I’ve tried.

Easy to know the reason.

Months of traveling around the country to speak to women famished for encouragement and peace. Writing dozens of articles and blog posts on a wide-range of biblical topics. Taking in editing on worthy projects to keep the lights on and the wi-fi working. Coaching a select group of women with writing gifts and burgeoning ministries– investing in their words as well as mine.

And doing all the things a woman in her sixties is doing– asking people about Medicare plans, visiting friends, celebrating my own adult children and building relationships with the grands. Leading women’s Bible study, lamenting extra pounds, singing at church, cooking, cleaning, organizing, keeping appointments, de-cluttering, paying bills.

Harder to know the cure.

Sleep wasn’t cutting it. Reducing screen time and news helped but not entirely.

Then, the heat arrived. Have you been in Rhode Island in July? 99% humidity and dewpoints over 75 day after endless day and no breeze even at night. Last week, I dithered on at prayer meeting like a madwoman about the drone of AC window units and the oppressive temps and my desperation for relief.

Just when I imagined this might be the July that breaks me, the heat relinquished its grasp around Rhode Island’s throat. I opened the

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windows. Dragged my laptop onto the porch. Poured some coffee. Inhaled. And He restored my soul.

So now, I’ve been developing a big new idea for a next book. Hip deep in God’s Word, I’ve been researching and writing and it is so well with my soul.

There’s so much I have wanted to write here, so much I would like to say to you, my readers, my friends, but I didn’t delude myself into thinking I’m the only weary one around and you must be so weary of opening emails and reading opinions about our current state of affairs and our souls.

I have wanted to write about standing firm in God’s truth even when we’re surrounded by Pilates who wonder if truth even exists and rush to wash their hands of Jesus’s blood.

To write about the urgency of studying the Bible, the entire Bible, and sitting under sound teachers whose lives are consistent with their words, teachers who cause discomfort because they won’t preach peace in the midst of war, even if they see you walking out the door to join the line for prophets who will tell you exactly what you hunger to hear.

To express my longing for deep, extended conversations between reasonable people who disagree but who can still crack open a cold one, stoke a fire, and laugh through passionate discourse, insightful questions, and long pauses to consider what’s been said before offering a response. My fear that those campfire chats are slipping into the ancient past like children playing outdoors until the street lights come on, civility, respect, and biblical literacy.

To remind you not all division is bad or wrong, in fact, some division is ordained. Since Pentecost when we became saints, we’ve been called to be set apart and there are times when that means others will walk away from us and times when our sandals will do the walking. That we must grow accustomed to being misunderstood and yet, not use that as an excuse for silence because it’s not about us now, is it?

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But today I listened to an old sermon preached by a pastor already home talking about old Abraham and how God calls us out to call us in and when we wander, He calls us back.

Moses wrote in Deuteronomy 6:23, “And he brought us out from there, that he might bring us in and give us the land that he swore to give to our fathers.”

And old Abraham knew about this because God called him out of Ur and brought Him into that land of promise and when Jesus took us in, we fell under that promise and followed Jesus outside the camp that we might bear the reproach he endured. And we joined Abraham on that walk of faith toward a city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God. And like Abraham, even if we wander down to Egypt, He will call us back up to the city where we belong. But, don’t we just keep wandering?

Which is why we sometimes grow so weary we can’t do what we normally do with ease– not write, nor preach, nor give, nor speak, nor join the debate, nor read, nor listen, nor barely hold onto hope– but we do not despair because hope will hold on to us.

“so that by two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek” (Hebrews 6:18-20 ESV).

This pastor preached that the heart of every problem is the problem in the heart. And that was it really, I was losing heart. But, I have found rest for my soul in Him my heart will be restored.

Just as old Abraham left everything he knew to come out in faith, so we must come out to leave whatever must remain behind to follow God wherever He leads.

But have courage because as imperfectly as Abraham and Sarah, and later Moses and many others followed the Living God, God was faithful. He was the one who made something of them– a chosen people, a holy nation. And we each have a seat at the table because of Jesus, not because we’re so smart or well-behaved or wise but because of Him.

So, I apologize for lapses between posts. It may happen still. A weary heart revives at the pace the Lord decides but I am full of hope.

And you? Tell me about your summer, your heart, what you long to say that you’ve kept silent. We are strangers and pilgrims,

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my friends, and we are not home yet but one day, He will bring us in to that far off land. For now, He walks beside us, leading us, keeping us, and sometimes dividing us from those traveling a different way (He is, after all, the Door and what does a door do but divide even as it provides safety and warmth and quiet).

One day, we will all cry, “I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now…Come further up, come further in!” ~C.S.Lewis, The Last Battle

But for now, we have Him and one another and Paris. Okay, we don’t have Paris but we can find a gentle breeze and some days, that is more than Paris.

Take just a moment and listen to this refreshing and hopeful song written by my friend and brother in Christ, Brian Schrag, Further Up and Further In

What are your thoughts? I love to hear from you! It is a ministry to my heart. I respond to every comment and reply to every email. Thank you for your patience with me. Goodness and mercy, Lori

Why I stopped writing https://t.co/eDZCyMUS9k #losingheart #divided

— Lori Roeleveld (@lorisroeleveld) July 22, 2025

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