This post is an excerpt from How to Be Free from Bitterness . 

“And my God will meet all your needs according to Hisglorious riches in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:19).

A woman was made by God to be loved, protected, providedfor, and made secure. However, there are reasons a woman may not feel loved, protected,or secure. Security is often a combination of objective truth and subjectivefeeling. What I mean by that is that some women have lost their parents, their husbands,their children, their food, and their clothing. Objectively they have a reasonto be insecure, but subjectively they might not feel insecure. At the sametime, it is possible to feel insecure and imagine what is objectively necessaryto fill this need.

Here is an example: Suppose a woman feels insecure. Thefeeling is so strong that she is convinced that it is also objective truth. Awoman’s great need is to fill up that emptiness. She thinks that a man willfill it. That is partly true. However, the need is so great that the man shegets cannot fill it. He cannot because he is also empty and is looking for awoman to fill his emptiness. Two empty, insecure people marry each other to gettheir own needs met. It does not work.

Now the woman is even more insecure. She thinks that if shehas a baby that will meet her need. Again, that is partly true. Women were madeto have babies. However, babies are needy, demanding creatures. The insecurewoman now has greater demands on her than she is able to cope with, especiallyif there are multiple children.

Now she is insecure and frazzled. She thinks she needs anicer home with nicer furniture. That takes a lot of money. She has to work aswell as her husband.

Now she is tired, insecure, and frazzled. She turns toclothes, music, parties, and maybe a different man. Her husband is notromantic. He copped out early in the marriage because his needs were not beingmet.

This is a description of many women I am acquainted with.Some of them have been married more than once, plus other men. Some of them areinto possessions. They are finding out, rather late, that a man, children,house, possessions, and parties do not fill up their emptiness and give themthe security they are looking for.

This need has to be met, but the selfishness that insists onit being met ensures that it will not be met even if she gets the man, thechildren, the house, and possessions. The selfishness has to go first. It hasbecome a tight little fist in her soul. That selfish, tight fist wizens anddestroys the person with it.

Before God, the selfishness has to be repented of, that is,confessed, forsaken, and renounced. Then she will have a wonderful joy, peace,and freedom which God will give to her. This will make her very secure inChrist.

As far as security in this world, the provision comes from acloseness to her father, mother, brothers, sisters, and extended family. Next,it comes from her brothers and sisters in Christ who are loving and giving. Itcomes from her being loving and giving to all kinds of people, even if they donot return the love. It could come from her husband, but not from a futurehusband. I say this because she should not get married in order to get secure.She should be secure before she gets married. Then she will not bedisillusioned and hurt in her marriage.

How does a woman become secure?

She must confess her attitude, not just her action. She mustdecide, with the grace of God, to love her father, mother, brothers, andsisters. Her love towards any of them cannot be conditional. She should notsay, “I will love him if…” No “ifs.” This love includes kind speech, hugs,giving, and helping actions. She should extend this love to more and morepeople. “For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one diedfor all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who liveshould no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and wasraised again” (2 Cor. 5:14–15).

A woman’s long-term objective should be to be holy, loving,kind, joyful, etc. She should also want to have a loving family and lovingchildren and grandchildren. She should want to have a “Well done, good andfaithful servant, enter into the joy of the Lord.”

This solution assumes that the woman is already a Christian,that she has by faith received Jesus Christ, the Son of God, as Lord andSavior. She has passed from death to life. That is the beginning of securityfor everyone, men and women.

How To Be Free From Bitterness and other essays on Christian relationships