Dear John,

I have thought of you fairly frequently in the last fewmonths. I have thought mostly of our telephone conversation. The conversationbothered me, and I have wanted to write to you for some time, but I also wantedmy letter to be received by you—so I probably put it off for that reason—afraidthat it wouldn’t be received.

I am thinking of the second letter of Peter where he writes,“Therefore I intend always to remind you of these things, even though you knowthem and are firmly established in the truth you now have” (2 Pet. 1:12). CertainlyI believe that you have since long ago been established in the truth, and thethings I share will be a reminder, not new thinking.

What concerned me in the telephone conversation was that yousaid that you had never needed anybody, and your wife needed to be needed. That’sprobably pretty close to true. What isn’t true is that we all need each other. Weare part of the Body of Christ, and the family is a very close part of theBody. And because of your upbringing, you became strong and independent—but thatdidn’t mean that you didn’t need someone. It just meant that you thought youdidn’t need anyone. We need each other very much. Although you and I never seeeach other, I need you and you need me. And when you hurt, I hurt. We are partof the Body.

The second thing that concerned me was that you are verycontent to be there alone with your dog. One of the things that is true aboutdogs is that they are loyal regardless; they are faithful regardless how wetreat them. They don’t talk back, they don’t complain; they are always loyal. Peopleare not like that. Wives are not like that. Children are not like that. [Youknow from your time in the military that] people in the army aren’t like that. Theyhave been taught in boot camp to say, “Yes, Sir.” My own children didn’t gothrough boot camp. My wife didn’t go through boot camp. No, there is somethingdifferent about children and a wife. It is just not true with dogs or people inthe Army. The relationship in the family is much more intimate. It needs aspecial other kind of treatment.

The next thing that bothered me was my very real knowledgeof the Enemy. It will be very unusual if he doesn’t have a woman waiting in thewings for you since you have separated from your wife. Either you are so superunusual or the Enemy has lost his wisdom. She may already be there.

Back to the teaching that your wife needed to be needed. If thatis a given, then you, as a loving husband, should have met her need. And youstill can, and you still should. It may be contrary to what is normal to you,but it is your responsibility.

You thanked me for the tape on bitterness and said that youhad listened to it and appreciated the thoughts but they just weren’t applicable.Maybe not. But when we were talking on the telephone, you weren’t rejoicing inthe Lord, so something is wrong in your life, independent of what is going onin other people’s lives. There is no reason to let your joy be affected byother people’s sins. Nor should you count on your joy being fulfilled by yourenvironment—quietness in the home and a dog. The Scripture tells us in Habakkuk3:17-18 not to lose our joy when there is a bad year, and it tells us not to rejoicewhen good things are happening, as in Luke 10:17. Our joy is in our salvation. Ourjoy is in the Lord.

In much love,

Jim Wilson

How To Be Free From Bitterness and other essays on Christian relationships