In our house right now we have two teenagers and a preteen, which means life is full of school schedules, sports practices, group texts, and lots of conversations about what it means to grow up. On top of that, my job as a teacher to upper school students gives me a front row seat into the daily lives of teenagers. When I see statistics about Gen Z or watch reels and news clips talking about them, it is never just a number or a soundbite. It is faces I know, stories I have heard, and struggles I see up close.

And here is what I keep noticing. These students are carrying an enormous weight. Anxiety and depression are climbing. Schedules are overflowing. There is pressure to make the grade, to earn the scholarship, to perform on the field, and to keep up socially. All of this comes at a stage of life when they are still figuring out who they are and what they are made for.

As parents, mentors, and church leaders, we want to set them up for success. We push them to work hard, to get involved, and to be responsible. None of these are bad things, but sometimes in our good intentions we end up modeling the exact opposite of what we actually desire for them. Instead of helping them run after the Kingdom of God, we accidentally teach them to chase after status, money, and achievement. We pile on more activities or more expectations and send the subtle message that their worth is measured by what they do, but what our kids desperately need is not more pressure, but a steady and faithful voice to realign back to who God made them to be. They need us to remind them that their value is not attached to performance, productivity, or perfection.

So how do we actually lead them toward this truth? I want to share three reminders that have shaped the way I think about raising and leading the next generation.

1. Recognize the Messages They Are Absorbing

Before we rush in with solutions, we need to pause and recognize what students are actually hearing. Many teenagers I talk with say they feel like all adults see is what they are not doing right. They are criticized for being addicted to technology. They are told they are disengaged or distracted. They are warned that they will not make it if they do not achieve more or work harder.

What this does is reinforce a sense that they are always falling short. Instead of hearing that they are seen and valued, they walk away with the belief that they are a disappointment. When our tone consistently focuses on what is wrong, we fail to communicate what is true about them. The truth is they are image bearers of God. They have been entrusted with gifts, talents, and potential that God himself has designed. If all they hear is negative messaging, they will begin to believe their lives are defined by their failures instead of God’s grace.

As leaders and parents we need to be honest about the real challenges of this generation, but we also need to be intentional about calling out their strengths, ingenuity, and that they can tackle hard challenges.

2. Help Them See Who They Are

One of the greatest gifts we can give the next generation is a clear vision of who they are in Christ. Every student, whether they know it or not, is longing for belonging and identity. They want to know they are loved, they aren’t alone, and that their lives matter.

This means we have to help them slow down enough to notice how God has uniquely wired them. Yes, they have strengths and talents, but they also have weaknesses and struggles. And both matter. In fact, it is often in their weakness that they will most clearly see God’s power and grace.

It is wise for us to acknowledge for them that they likely won’t be good at every subject. School is designed to equip you across a field of disciplines, and the student who excels in art may not be great at math, or the history buff may really struggle with science. Pointing out their strengths helps them to acknowledge their God given abilities and gifts to use in a broken and longing world.

When we only highlight performance, grades, or achievements, we send the message that they are loved for what they do. But when we point out character, kindness, or courage, we remind them that their value comes from who they are and whose they are. As mentors, parents, and leaders we must model a different way of living, one that shows that our identity is not rooted in status or salary but in Christ alone.

This also means we need to resist the temptation to live through our children or to burden them with our own dreams of success. Our calling is not to make sure they climb the ladder the world has built, but to show them how to walk faithfully with Jesus in the calling he has given them.

3. Provide Practical Pathways Forward

If we want the next generation to run after the Kingdom of God, we cannot only talk about it in abstract terms. We need to provide practical help and steps. Here are a few that I have found helpful:

Create space for rest. Encourage rhythms of Sabbath and margin. This may mean saying no to another activity or stepping back from an overloaded schedule. Our kids need to know that rest is part of God’s design.Celebrate character, not just achievement. When they show integrity, kindness, or resilience, make sure to name it and affirm it. This helps them see what really matters in God’s economy.Model dependence on God. Let them see you pray, seek wisdom, and admit weakness. Own your mistakes and share when you struggled at their age, but how you have seen God’s faithfulness. When they watch you rely on God, they will understand that their own lives do not have to be lived in self-sufficiency.Invite them into God’s mission. Help them see that they are not just waiting for adulthood to matter. They can serve, love, and join in God’s redemptive work right now.

The next generation does not need a heavier load of expectations. They need parents, mentors, and leaders who remind them of their worth in Christ and point them toward his Kingdom. Our role is not to make them into who we think they should be but to help them discover who God has created them to be.

When we do this, we will raise up a generation that knows their value is not attached to performance, popularity, or perfection. Instead, they will be grounded in the truth that they are beloved children of God, called to live for his glory and his purposes in the world.

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