I recently watched an interview on a popular talk show with a family who tragically lost a child to suicide due to bullying. The parents were understandably distraut and made a point to talk about how much they loved their child, to which the host responded “well, that’s all you can do is love your child”.

I say, we must do more than just “love your child” in any case, but particularly when your child is challenged either mentally, emotionally, or physically, as was the case with this particular family. Although loving your child is an important component of their self esteem, it is even more important that we provide our children with a sense of “value” and “purpose”. What do I mean by that? A child needs to feel as though their contributions are important. Often parents will shower affection on a child, but they also need to support their child’s self esteem by encouraging them, challenging them and providing them with a sense of value and purpose. I have witnessed parents making simple mistakes that can make all the difference in the world to their child’s self esteem.

Ask yourself if this scenario sounds familiar. You are involved in a project that you feel is important. Your child comes to you and asks if they can help, to which the parent often responds “no, I’m sorry you can’t help, this is really important daddy or mommy has to do it” When you say this to your child you have told them that they are not valuable, that they cannot be of help. Instead, I suggest you step back for just a moment and think… “Is there something with which my child can assist me?” Let me give an example… I was once doing some electrical work in the house replacing an electical socket and switch. Now the conventional wisdom says you cannot have your child working with electical repairs and that is absolutely correct, you must think first of your child’s safety, but they can hold a flashlight or hand you a tool while you work, so when my 5 year old son asked me if he could help, even though I had plenty of light where I was working, I asked him to go grab the flashlight from the kitchen drawer and shine the light on the socket which he happily did. He was so proud of himself for having helped daddy finish the repair that he made a point to tell his pappa (my father) and his grandma that he helped daddy fix the lights.

Giving your child a sense of accomplishment and feeling of value and purpose does require a little extra effort and sometimes some creative thinking to allow them to be involved, but the reward will be a child that grows up with healthy self esteem and a sense of value and purpose. Your child can always contribute, it’s up to you to provide them with an opportunity.