“Isn’t there more?”

I have difficulty when someone says this to me. I have heard so many women complain of all they have in a relationship as they still long for the elusive “more”. I am confused as to what it actually is and how each of these who have said this to me cannot describe or explain what it is they are still seeking.

There is no perfection. There is nothing really close to it. There is goodness, and sweetness, tragedy and heartache mixed in with it. What “more” can another possibly crave?

It is odd to my ears, while speaking to a woman who I knew, she kept saying, “He is good to me. I love him and he loves me. He has a good job and is kind and attentive and we can talk for hours about everything. The sex is great. We get along so well, but shouldn’t there be more?”

I was appalled. I said, “You have it all right there. What more are you wanting?”

“Oh, I don’t know. It just feels like there should be more to it than this. I mean is this what I have been waiting for all this time? It just doesn’t seem like it’s enough.”

I stopped talking for a few minutes. I was angry with the line of conversation. Eventually, I asked, “Are you expecting the Disney story? Can you possibly think that this is how life was ever supposed to be? I just want enough.”
I just want enough.

I never expected the fairy tale romance. I never really thought I needed that. Of course, it would be lovely, all those dreams coming true at the end, a diamond tiara and riding away on the white horse with the prince. Except, I’m a bit afraid of horses and I can’t even carry off a hat well enough to actually get away with a crown. And I would like a dream or two to be realized in the middle along the way.

I don’t blame Disney or romantic comedies for distorting our visions of real love or romance or relationships. We are free thinking folks in this world. If we cannot figure out the difference between reality and fantasy, we have bigger issues than we realize. If we can’t acknowledge when we actually have “enough” then our problem is not that we lack the man of our dreams. The problem is that we don’t recognize him.

A definition of more is: something of greater importance.

I am thinking those continuing to look for more have failed to see that what they have is important. Not perfect. All of the wonders in a relationship are not based on castles and fancy houses or exotic trips. They are based in love, respect, loyalty, kindness and all of that other good stuff that so many people don’t seem to appreciate. We need to be thankful when we have the blessing of actually having enough.

I am not suggesting settling for what you “almost” need or want. There is a difference between settling and believing you have enough. Settling causes a resentment. It also causes pain for the other party when they eventually figure out they are not what their partner considers to be enough. Knowing that you have enough, even more than enough, is a thankfulness.
For each person, what is considered to be enough, is a personal choice. I just think if someone can’t describe or define what is missing then maybe they want “more” of something that never existed in the first place. Maybe, what they seek is a fairy tale, a fantasy, a romance novel. Most likely, they will never be satisfied when a good man stands before them. They will be too busy looking over his shoulder waiting on a prince.


Monika M. Basile