Twenty-five things revealed by NSA cell-phone surveillance/data collection program:

Apollo lunar landings we’re a hoax.
Fingernails really do keep growing after we’re dead.
There was a second shooter.
Most men can only remember 3 things without a grocery list.
Emperor Nero – and not early Christians – set fire to Rome.
Puerto Rico apparently became a state in 1912, and New Mexico is still a territory.
Barack Obama and Kevin Bacon are twin brothers of different mothers.
Kevin Bacon killed the electric car.
Kevin Bacon invented cold fusion.
Al Gore actually won 2000 Presidential campaign and has constructed fake oval office in basement rec room. He still makes Tipper call him Mr. POTUS. Also, Gore did invent internet and texts about it incessantly.
Fluoridation is real (and it’s good for your teeth).
Government surveillance is a myth (don’t look at that man behind the curtain.)
Most Americans believe that Area 51 is the source of Doctor Who’s sonic screwdriver (eye roll).
Jesus had wife, kids and siblings.
Joss Whedon is Dr. Who is Joss Whedon is Dr. Who is Joss Whedon… (see what I did there)
All of Shakespeare’s sonnets (but not the plays) were actually written by a roomful of monkeys with typewriters.
All of Shakespeare’s plays (but not the sonnets) written by Joss Whedon (cuz he’s the Doctor.)
As it works out, algebra does matter.
Since 2009, most bomb-makers in U.S. have been middle-school kids working on “most awesome science project ever!”
Downplaying terrorist threats and preventing texting-while-driving would have net effect of saving 500,000+ lives/year (including 62 government workers who crashed into cell phone towers during NSA surveillance/data collection program ).
Globally, thirty-nine percent of all call-center workers are looking at porn while they’re talking to you. The other twenty-one percent are texting their mom. The rest are shopping on Amazon. CIA provides daily report to President Obama about this.
Twitter was invented by aliens in failed attempt to make humans more concise before absorbing us into galactic hegemony.
The truth is not “out there.” It choked on one of those hot-dog/crescent roll mini-appetizers at a DC cocktail party last Friday night, and now it’s waiting in line for treatment at the VA hospital in Bethesda.
Former members of Stasi, KGB, SS, Gestapo, DINA, Tokko as well as staff from Herbert Hoover’s FBI and Nixon’s Whitehouse could have done a lot better with the right tools.
Kevin Bacon knew you were going to say that.