Noah and Elle Adams have been together for six years, and married for three. As the distance between them grows, Noah gradually pieced the hints of the puzzle together but what he discovered isn’t what he had hoped for. In a final attempt to communicate with his wife, the woman he hardly recongised anymore, Noah had to put aside his pride and admit defeat. Will they survive, or will their marriage go down in flames?

O N E

The last time he and Elle sat down together, the last time they shared a bottle of wine, a smile, a moment of intimacy.

The sound of running water splashed against the white porcelain bathtub. Noah rubbed his hair down with a towel and glanced at his reflection; the stubble was enough to resemble a beard, but short enough to maintain his ‘boyish’ good looks. He smiled briefly, but it faded before he knew it. When was the last time he’d heard those words? Eight months ago.

‘Elle, honey, where are you?’ He glanced back at the doorframe, peering into the empty hallway. The light beamed onto the cream carpet and he recognised Elle’s shadow from the bedroom. ‘Elle?’ Noah slung the towel over his shoulder. He wiped his feet on the striped bath mat and exited the bathroom, approaching the bedroom and held the towel up around his waist. Poking his head around the doorframe, he recognised her lifeless expression. ‘Elle.’

Her mahogany hair fell over her shoulders and her distant hazel eyes locked with his but she quickly dropped her gaze. ‘Sorry, did you say something?’

He nodded. ‘Um, I asked where you were.’

‘Well, you found me.’ She fiddled with the hem of her nightdress. ‘I’m going to have an early night.’

‘But I’ve already booked the restaurant for tonght.’ He gripped the towel around his waist.

She blinked. ‘Booked?’

‘It’s our wedding anniversary.’

She parted her lips as if to speak, but no words escaped. Elle straightened her dress and cleared her throat. ‘Oh, right. I suppose I’d better get dressed then. When are we leaving?’

‘Twenty minutes.’

Elle slipped her fingers though her hair. ‘Okay.’

She reached into the open wardrobe and tugged an evening gown out. The black dress was slim-fit, just above the knee and sweet Jesus, she looked perfect whenever she slipped it on.

She looked at it for three seconds before she put it back in, and tugged a loose pastel green gown out instead. It didn’t flatter her curves, nor her lightly tanned complexion. She’d taken a particular liking to it two years ago but he didn’t have the heart to tell her the truth, it didn’t enhance her figure in any way.

Elle’s hand brushed against his as she passed.

Noah looked into her eyes and found emptiness staring back at him. ‘Happy anniversary, honey.’

She offered a smile as she walked passed him, disappearing into the bathroom and closing the door. Peace and quiet had never felt more foreign; no laughter filled the air, no life radiated inside the same four walls that felt more like a prison than a home.

The towel around his waist hit the floor. Noah stepped over it and strolled to the open wardrobe. Several dresses fell to the floor when he pulled the oak door open. Noah hung them back up, and remembered the colour-coded organisation Elle used to have. Now her red had merged with her blue, and chaos took over. Noah shifted his gaze to his collection of suits.

He narrowed his options to the navy or black pinstripe. After much debate, he tugged the black one from the rail and hooked a green tie around his little finger, pulling them both out and setting them on the bed.

He pulled his drawer open and pawed through the various pairs of socks. How many times did he run out of underwear? Had Elle done the washing this week? He sighed and sat on the bed, expanding his search to his emergency drawer. Where were they? He knocked several boxes of prescription medicine aside but found nothing of relevance.

‘Great.’ Noah scanned through the storage beneath the bed, finding a black bag full of clothes he hadn’t worn for years. He pulled the waistcoat out and smiled at the sight. He hadn’t worn it since his wedding day – perhaps it would re-ignite the flame of romance that was left smoky and near extinguished.

He dropped it to the bed and glanced at Elle’s bedside table. Could she have put his washing in with her own? He opened her drawer and pawed through the laced and silk underwear he hadn’t seen for weeks. He hooked his finger around the waistband of his black boxers and tugged them out.

Something plastic poked out of her ‘world’s best wife’ socks. Noah tugged it out and squinted. There it was, clear as day, bold letters revealing the essential puzzle piece. One word that shattered his hopes – pregnant. He sighed. How long had she had this for? Footsteps approached. He threw the test into the drawer and closed it. He slipped the boxers on and turned around in time for Elle to return.

‘What are you doing on my side of the bed?’ There was no paranoia in her voice, only exhaustion.

‘I was just getting dressed. I shouldn’t be long.’ He slipped his trousers on and buttoned them up. ‘Are you feeling okay?’

‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

Noah shrugged. ‘I don’t know. You just seem distracted. Long day?’

She shrugged. ‘I guess.’

‘Okay, well, why don’t you wait for me in the living room? I just need a few more minutes.’

Elle nodded then disappeared from sight, her footsteps trailing away. Noah pressed his palms together, closing his eyes tightly. Maybe it was old, something she’d been keeping secret for a while – but there was only one way to find out.

#

‘A glass of red for the lady and a diet Coke for you, sir.’ The brunette waitress put the drinks down to the table, finding space between the dishes.

If she had chosen a bigger table rather than a tiny table for two in the very corner of the restaurant, she wouldn’t have to find room around a small salad dish and his steak main.

‘Thank you.’ Noah’s monotone didn’t earn a smile from the young woman.

‘Enjoy the rest of your meal.’

He wanted to laugh. Enjoy the rest of the meal? They’d hardly said a word to each other. Noah pushed his boiled potatoes around the plate, scraping the skin away from the remnants on the cutlery. He put the knife down and looked at Elle doing the same to her chicken salad.

‘Hard day?’

She nodded.

‘Enlighten me.’ He folded the napkin on the table and put it on his lap.

‘Cardiac arrest.’

‘Patient okay?’

She nodded.

‘Good.’ He tapped his fingertips against the table, his eyes never leaving her natural face. Her hazel eyes seemed huge without any mascara, and without her rosy lipstick, her lips were a light pink. He nibbled his lower lip and waited for her attention. She seemed far more interested in the wallpaper than her own husband. ‘Who is he?’

She glanced aside at him. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘Who is he?’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

Noah sighed. ‘I don’t want an argument, Elle, I just want to talk.’

She shrugged. ’I don’t.’

Noah stabbed the remainder of his steak and nudged it to the side of the plate, nudging a few lettuce leaves onto the table. He looked at them, but didn’t pick them up. ‘Some anniversary.’

Elle sipped her wine and checked her watch. The watch he bought her for their first wedding anniversary, the very one she’d been eyeing for months, but could never quite afford.

‘You’re not touching your food.’

She put her cutlery down. ‘I don’t feel very well.’

‘Sick?’

She shrugged.

Noah cleaned his mouth with the napkin and threw it down to the table. He had to bite his lip to stop the words from flowing. He took a large sip of his drink and focused on the ring on her left hand. It had been loose for a few months. It’s a miracle she hadn’t lost it yet.

What had his life come to? Twenty-four and married. Twenty-four and staring at the blank wall of his future. He put the glass down. ‘Do I know him?’

Elle stroked her fingers through her hair and watched the waitress stroll by with a plate full of dessert.

‘Elle—’

‘No. Just stop.’ She threw her napkin down and grabbed her bag from the back of the chair. ‘I want to go home now.

‘Fine.’ He pulled his wallet from his pocket and scanned through for his credit card. Whenever he caught Elle’s eye, something colder than pewter fuelled with the stare; he didn’t recognise her anymore. The woman opposite him, wearing an identical wedding ring, was a complete stranger.

#

Noah threw his clothes into the hamper and tightened the string on his pyjamas. He reached for the blankets in the top shelf of the wardrobe and tugged a feather pillow from the pile a few compartments beneath the spare bedding. He turned around to find Elle standing in the doorway, fiddling with her nightdress, watching like a hawk. As if she could see right through him.

‘You should take the bed.’

She nodded. ‘What about you?’

‘I’ll take the couch.’

She nibbled her lower lip. ‘Noah—’

‘Goodnight, Elle. Happy anniversary.’

She blinked and a tear escaped. ‘Goodnight.’

T W O

One week. Seven days. One hundred and sixty eight hours.

Everyday Noah waited for an answer, but it never came. After four days of sleeping on the couch, Elle had given in. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her tearful eyes and pale skin – but it was her mousy voice that thawed his refusal to co-operate, to communicate. Those three words shattered any resistance – baby, come on – and if truth be told, he had missed his pillow. The comfortable mattress had moulded perfectly to his body.

Noah clung to the duvet, gazing out at the rainy Monday morning. He listened to Elle’s quiet movements, careful as she was. He hadn’t slept as well as he usually did. The torturous thoughts didn’t settle. They refused to disperse, hide in his subconscious. They had to stand at the forefront, parading in his mind at all times.

‘Honey?’ Elle touched his bare shoulder but he didn’t move. ‘I’m doing a long day today.’

‘Okay. Make sure you have lunch.’

‘Will you be okay on your own today?’

He nodded.

‘Okay, I’ll bring dinner home.’

‘That would be nice.’ He focused on the droplets of rain on the window; they formed a larger blob before they trickled down; he traced the movement until it disappeared from sight.

‘Well, see you later.’

He nodded.

The door closed and he finally let a sigh release. He closed his eyes again. Maybe he’d be able to sleep now. But whenever he allowed sleep to lure him, all he could picture was the collision of bare skin, Elle’s fingers through her mystery man’s hair. He rolled over and took shallow breaths, begging sleep to take him, to suffocate him.. He pressed the pillow to his ear, blocking as much noise as he could. The voices in his head refused to follow suit, refused to silence.

A sudden vibration on the bedside table caused his heart to skip a beat. He opened his eyes and sat up quickly. Noah grabbed his phone and opened the flip case.

Melanie. He sighed and answered it. ‘Hey, Mel.’

‘Where are you, sleepy head? I thought we were meeting at eleven.’

He glanced at his alarm clock. ‘Shit, sorry, I’ll be there.’

‘Are you alright? You’ve been … really weird. You didn’t even laugh at my cat joke yesterday.’

Noah scratched his head. ‘Sorry. I’m not really feeling myself at the moment.’

‘I hear that coffee and treating a friend to lunch helps.’

He laughed. ‘You’d do anything for a free meal.’

‘Yes, I would, and you promised me we’d do weeks ago. Remember when Dennis kicked me out and I had to go to work in dirty clothes, looking a mess? You promised we’d do this. Come on, it’ll be fun. I might even feel you up.’

Noah nodded. A promise was a promise. ‘I might not be brilliant company.’

‘I spent three years with Dennis – I know how to deal with a grumpy bastard.’

Noah laughed. ‘I’m a grumpy bastard now, am I?’

‘It’s a figure of speech. I’m ordering another coffee and putting it on your tab if you’re not here within twenty minutes.’

He pushed the covers aside and stepped down to the fluffy rug, wriggling his toes, begging the warmth to pulsate through him. ‘I’m getting ready now.’

‘Are you sure you’re okay? I’m worried about you.’

‘Just got a lot on my mind.’

‘So tell me about it.’

He opened the wardrobe and tugged a pair of jeans and a shirt from their allocated spaces. ‘I don’t want to bore you to tears.’

‘You listened to me when I complained for England about Dennis.’

‘That’s different.’

‘Nonsense. I’ll bribe it out of you if I have to.’

There was no arguing with Melanie. In a sense, it was his favourite thing about her. She was a strong woman – she knew what she wanted and she wouldn’t let anything stand in the way of it. Strong women always fascinated him, if not, overwhelmed him at the same time. ‘Alright. I’ll be there.’

#

Anxieties that blocked his rational thinking, stopped all positive thoughts and only bred misery were finally shed. A wave of relief followed. He poked his finger into his lukewarm coffee. Had he really been talking for that long? One steaming hot – now barely warm enough to consume. He downed the coffee anyway, Why waste it? Besides, it was Melanie’s treat. She rarely treated him.

From the look of her vacant expression and parted lips, she couldn’t find words to ease his concerns. He’d never seen her speechless before. Perhaps Elle should have an affair more often.

‘You’re quiet. It’s nice.’ Noah grinned.

‘How can you joke right now?’ Her dark tone almost teased him back into self-pity.

‘It’s not a big deal.’

‘Not a big deal? Shit, Noah. You two were so happy.’

He shrugged. ‘I thought so, too. But I’d appreciate it if you could keep this to yourself. I don’t want to become the office gossip.’

Melanie shook her head. ‘Of course. It’s got to be awful finding out like that. Has she not spoken to you about it?’

Noah pushed his coffee cup aside and picked at the crumbs of tiffin on the small white plate. ‘I don’t want to talk about. Neither does she. Ignorance is bliss.’

‘Who would have guessed it – you and I, stuck with bastards? Well, I’m free now. You’re still married to her …’

Marriage. A life time commitment. Until death do us part. Did Elle remember those vows? Their wedding day was perfect; small, close friends and family. Who needed flashy venues or over-the-top parties? The ring on his finger was all he needed.

‘… Earth to Noah. Are you alive?’

He looked up to find Melanie’s dark eyes gazing back at him. He shifted his attention to her red lips. ‘You have a little something there.’

Melanie wiped her mouth with a napkin. ‘Don’t change the subject. We’re talking about Elle. Do you know what’s going on with her?’

‘She’d been distant. We haven’t … been intimate for a while. All the signs are there, but I don’t want to believe it. Everyone thought I’d be the one to cheat on her, do you remember?’

Melanie suppressed a grin. ‘Her brother wasn’t your biggest fan.’

‘He fucking hates me.’

‘What did you do to him anyway? Don’t say nothing – because I know you, Noah Adams.’ Melanie reached over the table for a piece of tiffin, then shovelled it into her mouth.

‘I don’t know. We bought her the same birthday present one year. That’s about it. I treat Elle like a princess. What am I doing wrong, Mel? Educate me in the world of women, what goes through your crazy heads?’

Melanie leaned back in the chair, brushing the crumbs away from her lips. ‘Even I don’t have a clue. You know sometimes I wake up and I’m an emotional bomb waiting to explode – why? I don’t know. Women are a mystery.’

‘Great, I’ll never understand Elle.’ Noah slipped his hand through his hair. ‘You’re simple.’

‘Gee, thanks.’

‘You say what you mean. You’re blunt. You get right to the point.’

‘Yes, but that’s also why most men prefer a lion cub to a lioness. I’m too much woman for most men.’ Melanie smiled, but it faded quickly. ‘Have you ever considered that … I don’t know.’

‘That … what?’

Noah had never seen such concentration on Melanie’s face. ‘Have you ever considered that maybe you married the wrong woman?’

Noah shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I just know I want more of this.’ He nudged the empty plate before him, only crumbs of biscuit and raisins left on the plate. ‘You ate everything.’

‘Fine, the next piece is on me. But then you’re taking me to lunch. Maybe catch a movie. Do you have anywhere to be?’

Noah checked his watch, Elle wouldn’t be home until half past nine. ‘Not really. I was going to start a new book.’

‘Fancy keeping me company? I need help unpacking my stuff. I forgot how annoying moving out is. I’ll buy dinner – please, Noah?’ She batted her lashes and pouted.

‘Okay, fine. But I ‘m having dinner with Elle tonight.’

‘Dessert, then. Please?’

‘Okay. Thanks for this … seeing me today. I’ve been going crazy.’

‘Does it make you feel better, get it off your chest, clear your mind?’

Noah nodded. ‘It does. I’m lucky. You’ve listened to my whining for the past ten years.’

‘I should be a therapist.’ She reached into her bag for her navy floral purse and smiled, her auburn curls falling over her shoulder. ‘Another coffee?’

‘Yes, please.’

Melanie joined the queue for the front counter.

Noah looked at his wedding ring, clenching his fingers into a fist, tilting his head to the side to see the glimmer and shimmer from a different angle. What would she bring home for dinner? They hadn’t had pizza for months, but Elle’s craving for spice was on the rise. He sighed. His first day off for weeks and he spent it wallowing in self-pity.

‘I don’t like that face. Stop it.’ Melanie put the plate to the rounded table and nudged it closer. ‘Cheer up before I eat it for you.’

‘How’s your new place?’ He broke the chocolate mass in half.

‘Empty at the moment. I can’t actually reach the lights to put a bulb in – they don’t even provide it for you. Cheeky buggers.’

Noah smiled. ‘ I guess that’s my job, is it?’

‘Yes, it is. But it’ll be fun! I promise.’

Noah rolled his eyes. ‘Fun for who?’

‘For me. Come on, hurry up. I want sushi for lunch.’

‘I want steak.’

Melanie groaned. ‘Sushi.’

‘Steak.’

‘Chicken?’ She pouted.

‘Fine, let’s go to Nandos.’