He pushes me to the ground. That’s what it feels like sometimes. I flit around ‘taking care’ of things I think I’m supposed to, feeling like a chicken with my head cut off. Then all of the sudden everything I thought I did well turns out wrong. And my energy, time, and heart feels completely wasted. I get overwhelmed and know it’s time to stop. The weight on my shoulders feels like the huge hand of God pushing me to my knees, so I will rest in Him. Finally I collapse and he hushes my heart with His still, strong, quiet, deafening safety. I realize how much I miss Him. But would he really push me to the ground?

A year ago I was visiting my sister’s school, where she is studying music, and gave a talk on writing songs. Afterward I met one of her close friends who told me an amazing story. “A few years ago my life was a wreck. I went with a friend to a concert to see a band and Flyleaf happened to be opening up for them. There was such a dark heavy feeling in the room. But when you began to sing I felt the atmosphere shift and I was trembling inside. I was like, ‘What is happening right now?’ That’s when I felt a huge hand push me to the ground. When my knees hit the floor I knew I needed to give my life to Jesus. And right then I wept and surrendered my heart.”

As amazed as I was, I wondered at her story because it didn’t seem to make sense with the way I thought God would deal with someone. It sounded forceful in an uncharacteristic way for my Lord. When I came home, still wondering about her story, I went to visit my mother in law. She told me a story about a loved one who hated church and God, but agreed to go with her to church one a holiday one year. The sermon was beautiful that day, but when it came time for the altar call, my mother in law’s guest whispered, “You know what, I really need a cigarette.” and got up and left. Discouraged, my mother in law met her later in her car. The woman was figity, and was silent for half the ride home. Finally she said to my mother in law, “Can I tell you something crazy? I went to the bathroom before I went out to smoke, and when I walked in the bathroom door, I felt a huge hand push me to the ground, and I was so overwhelmed because I knew it was God. I just cried and gave my life to Jesus in the bathroom.”

So I guess the King of the universe doesn’t have to fit inside the boxes I make for him. “Here you are down on your knees again, trying to find air to breathe again..”