Marriage as a union means marriage is supposed to bring unity or oneness. “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). In marriage the two become one flesh; therefore, there’s no “me” and “you;” there’s only “us.” Understanding marriage as a transition from a state of independence to a state of interdependence will help you avoid many struggles.

A “me” mindset only seeks the happiness and welfare of the individual partner and is interpreted as selfishness. An “us” mindset, on the contrary, seeks the happiness of the couple and is interpreted as selflessness. It is selflessness and not selfishness that sustains a marriage. The moment each individual in a marriage gets stuck in a “me” mindset, they start seeking their selfish individual interests, competing against each other, criticizing, judging and tearing down each other, and their relationship ceases to be a marriage. It becomes two singles sharing a home and perhaps a bed.

A married couple is a single team. Thus as teammates in a marriage you strive for the same goal. You win together or lose together, so you cannot compete against each other or bring down each other. The moment you understand marriage this way, you’ll prioritize your partner’s happiness such that your happiness will never be complete unless your partner is happy. When each partner in a marriage reaches that level of understanding where their happiness is inextricably tied to the happiness of their spouse, they begin to experience a mutually satisfying and fulfilling marriage. This way of thinking and of being is what every marriage needs not just to survive but to thrive.