Social media. A place where you can connect with friends, family and for an author, your readers. But lately I’ve also realized that it’s a place where you can get hit on more than if you hung out at the local bar. Not that I hang out in bars, I don’t. I’m no stranger to advances from the opposite sex. I’m not saying I’m a gem, but I’m also not a gorilla either. It makes a woman feel good to know that she still has it after having a kid and will be turning 29 again soon. Okay I lied, I’ll be 35 this year. Women crave attention. If you are a woman and you disagree, then you are lying to yourself and everyone else. Having a man give you a second look while in the grocery store makes you feel good. I’ve been married for almost 11 years. If you’ve been married for any length of time, you know that things aren’t always going to be honeymoon moments. As time ticks by, your significant other forgets to remind you how beautiful you are. You start to wonder if your age has turned you into some hideous creature that should wear a bag on her head for the foreseeable future. That’s just not the case. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I complimented my husband on his looks. Maybe I should. I’ll get right on that.

But this post isn’t about my marriage. This is about something that’s happening more frequently to myself and people that I know. This is about men who troll social media in the hopes of finding women to ‘hook up’ with or have cybersex with. Recently I’ve received tons of friend requests on my personal Facebook page, and as an author I accept quite a few of them. But only if I have friends in common. If I don’t, then they go bye bye. With a friends list of almost 800 people, I know others are bound to find me, that’s a given. My profile is also set to public. Why? Because even though I have a fan page on Facebook, I like to make it so my readers can find me and connect. I open my social media platforms to allow access to me. Maybe that’s my mistake. Or maybe these men are just ignorant. In the past week I have received around 50 new friend requests, half of them have been rejected. So as you see, I do screen the ‘applicants’ so-to-speak. I’m not out there freely accepting every Tom, Dick and Harry so I can have a bigger friends list. All of these newbies have had several friends in common with me, so sure, I let them in. BIG mistake! But it isn’t until you start to receive private messages from these ‘friends’ that you realize your blunder.

What are they saying when they contact me? Oh let me fill you in. For the most part it starts off like this…

Man: Hi, thank you for accepting me as a friend.

Me: You’re welcome!

Man: How are you today?

Me: I’m great. And you?

Man: Doing good. Do you like sex?

HOLD THE PHONE!!!!!

How can a person go from an innocent greeting and fast forward to “Do you like sex?” Wow. But let me share the newest one with you. This one started off okay but morphed into territory that caused me to unfriend and block the person.

Man: How are you?

Me: Doing good. Yourself?

Man: I’m good. What do you do?

Me: I’m an author.

Man: What kind of books do you write?

Me: I write romance and urban fantasy.

Man: How many books have you written?

Me: In total, 10 and I’m working on my 11th now.

Man: How long have you been writing?

Me: I started writing poetry in High School and wrote my first full length novel in 2012.

Man: Wow, you’ve written a lot of books in a few years.

Me: LOL, I guess I have.

Man: I think you are beautiful and sexy.

Me: Uh thank…

Man: Are you married?

Me: Yes. I have been happily married for almost 11 years.

(No reply after that.)

I do have to give this asshat credit. At least he didn’t start off with his advances. He tried to play on my weakness of my love of writing and books. But what gets me is how every single one of these douche canoes use the term ‘sexy’. Is that supposed to make me shuck my panties and start rubbing my lady parts on my webcam? Is that supposed to make me so hot that I engage in cybersex with them? How do they think things will play out? That they say the word ‘sexy’ and I’m hot and ready to go? Are there really women out there that fall for that shit? First of all, if women DO fall for that, they need to see a therapist for their daddy issues. Clearly they don’t have self-esteem and look for validation through meaningless online trysts. But I’m not that woman.

The dictionary defines the word ‘sexy’ as: sexually attractive or exciting. But how do you know I’m attractive? You see only pictures of me online. I could be the most awkward person you’ve ever met. Personally, sexy has a different definition in my mind. What is sexy to me? Sexy is a certain attitude, an air of confidence if you will. It’s the way a person carries themselves and how they project their personality to the people around them. Sexy should not be based solely on looks alone. Sure, looks can play into it a little, but it shouldn’t be the sole reason for using the term. There is one thing that I find extremely sexy…intelligence. Knowledge is power. If you have the ability to carry on an intelligent conversation with me, are able to engage my brain more than my panty hamster, then yes, that is sexy. But men online today think that every woman falls to her knees by giving her a few compliments. News flash, I am not so insecure with myself that I need your verbal validation. I know that when I get dressed up, have a bit of makeup on and my hair clean, I don’t look half bad. Am I full of myself? Nope. I’m just confident in who I am as a person. There’s nothing wrong with that.

There is something wrong however with men that have zero class. It makes me wonder what kind of role model they had growing up. Did their dad teach them that objectifying women was okay? Did they school them on the art of being an idiot to gain attention from the fairer sex? What the hell is wrong with this world?! I for one teach my son that women are to be respected. We are not something to put on a shelf to use as your personal trophy. He knows that treating a female with dignity and respect will get you further than catcalling. I set a good example for him because one day, he won’t be under my roof. He will be a productive member of society. If I find out that he tries to pick up women in the manner I’ve spoke about, he will have me to answer to. And trust me, that won’t be pretty.

So to all women out there, I know what it feels like to be treated in this heinous manner. I know how it feels to question if you’re putting off the wrong message on social media. I contemplated removing all photos from my Facebook account and replacing my profile pic with Gary Busey’s mug shot. But as someone pointed out today, if I do that, they win. And no, my posts on Facebook do not ask for trouble like this. I am just a victim like every other woman that this happens to. It is frustrating and degrading to have someone say these things to you. Unfortunately Facebook doesn’t issue a punishment for this kind of behavior. You can mark the person as spam but that’s it. But let me ask you this…what happens when things escalate? What happens when the man finds your personal information and tracks you down? What happens if he gets so fixated on how ‘sexy’ you are and decides to act on it by raping you? What then, Facebook? These men are predators, plain and simple. It makes me afraid for young girls and teens who use Facebook to connect with friends. Would you want some guy hitting on your daughter? Would you want her walking home from school and getting pulled into an alley and violated? Something has to be done to protect us. We shouldn’t have to be afraid of using social media. There should be a policy where if these creeps contact you with this sort thing, you can screen shot the conversation and send it in. Then the person gets banned from using Facebook. Yes, I know, they can always create a new profile. But if they do it again, the same thing would happen. Maybe then it would deter them altogether from using Facebook. It’s crazy how you can get thrown in Facebook jail for offending someone with a meme, but if you want to be a predator, well, that’s just perfectly fine.  I don’t know, maybe I’m being a drama queen about it. Or maybe I have a valid point here. The internet is a vast array of lunatics waiting to pounce on an unsuspecting victim. Well I have news for you, I’m not that stupid.

I just want to say to all the women who think this is okay, you’re wrong. You don’t need anyone to validate your self-worth. You were created to be a strong, intelligent creature. Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle. Don’t give into these men because you need to feel special, the only person that can make you feel special is you. Look in the mirror and know that you are amazing. Tell yourself that, every day of your life because it’s true.

To my husband Paul: I don’t tell you enough how awesome you are. But you are a great father, provider and best friend. You put up with a lot from me. Oh and I think you’re SUPER SEXY. Love you babe!

Peace, Love and Pages

C.D. Taylor/Taylor Dawn