*This entry is a part of a continuous series, reading the previous entries will help you follow without missing a beat*

Last week I spoke about going deeper into who you are and this week, I want to share a little more about me.

Last night I told myself that I would miss this week’s blog writing because I was tired & really didn’t have anything to say. The true reason wasn’t simply because I am tired…I’m fighting dis-ease in my body and I’m scared. Instantly, I heard a small voice say; “PUSH YOUR WAY THROUGH.” SO I WRITE.

Now, this simple encounter with my higher self has often been dismissed in my life or I would be hearing ego thinking it was my higher self. It took what seemed like forever to differentiate from the voice of the God in me (my higher self) and self (ego).

I questioned myself on why I’m always PUSHING even in situations when I’m so ready to give up or walk away. I have pushed to remain in businesses, relationships, jobs, homes, etc…that in hindsight, it was clear that God was pulling & I was pushing. God has pulled me out of situations before they destroyed me…or shall I say, I destroyed me with my PUSH.

See, in asking myself the question and then being prompted to check my family history, I’ve learned quite a bit about myself. I come from a long line of strong women who seemed to always keep going, making a way out of no way & it’s simply in my DNA to not give up. However, here’s where it gets tricky. I then had to ask myself the motive behind my PUSH…oooohhhhh, motives are hidden truths about us that we don’t always like to reveal or even acknowledge.

I found a large portion of my motives to be rooted in fear. I would PUSH for fear of failure. I would PUSH for fear of looking weak. I would PUSH for fear of disappointing my children. I grew up with very little therefore, I would PUSH for fear of returning to lack. Sometimes, I would PUSH for selfish gain. In these instances, fear was winning because I was manifesting all that I feared. On the other hand, I PUSH because my purpose won’t let me quit. I PUSH to be a better me. I PUSH to leave a legacy. I PUSH to see my children and grandchildren soul wealthy. I PUSH to break generational curses.

In studying self, I had to change the way I viewed fear. There is healthy fear & unhealthy fear. If fear motivates me to be better…it’s healthy. If fear hinders my growth and/or allows me to hide…it’s unhealthy. I’ve never been the type to forget everything and run, therefore I have to allow fear to help me face everything and rise! It’s all in one’s perspective. Fear can be a motivating force if we let it.

Most people say PUSH is Pray Until Something Happens but I’d like to add two more significant meanings for MY PUSH…

PUSH: Poetry Understanding the Soul and Heart

PUSH: Perseverance Until Success Happens

My life is poetry in motion and because of my life’s experiences, i seek to find poetry in the heart & soul of those i encounter. It is also those very experiences that make me persevere.

We have to define ourselves and our PUSH. We also have to know when to PUSH, when to walk away and when to sit still in life. In this world of social media where you can be ANYTHING or ANYONE coupled with the slogan: Fake it til you make it; it’s easy to go through life afraid yet covering it with bravado. It’s easy to avoid checking our own motives and asking self the hard questions. But, I’ve never been one for the quick fix or the easy way out…I was born to be AUTHENTIC, UNIQUE and STAND OUT. Most importantly, I see the bigger picture; in being myself (flaws and all), I inadvertently release others to do the same and we all win! My story is changing daily as I figure out exactly who I am at my core which in turn changes my thought process, dispels old beliefs and propels me deeper into my purpose. Who are you? How do you use fear…or does fear use you? You hold your pen and it’s never too late to re-write YOUR story. Since I hold MY pen…I’ll end this chapter with this: I AM all of the below & then some! Now, it’s time to really LIVE!

http://www.sanjojendayi.com