Sage Flinn asked Shannon Messenger:

Mrs. Messenger, you seem to know a lot about grief. You've described different reactions to grief from your characters in KotLC. What do you say to someone who is suffering? I know a family that just lost their son/brother, suddenly. I don't know why I'm asking you, but you're who came to mind, when I thought about the different ways the members of that family are handling it. -Feeling Helpless

Shannon Messenger Oh my--I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. And I wish I could be more help. But really, the only thing I know about grief is that it's different for everyone, so the right thing to say to one person could be the complete wrong thing to say to someone else. The most you can really do is be there for them, and usually it's much more helpful to be ready to listen than it is to try to come up with the perfect thing to say or do (because there is no perfect thing to say or do). I've also found that grief affects people differently day by day, so sometimes it's better to stick with something small. Don't ask, "how are you" because it's such a broad, all encompassing question they probably won't have an answer. But "how are you today" or "can I do something to help today" those are small enough that they might have an actual response and be able to talk about what they need. Sending hugs to you, and the people who are struggling with this loss!

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