Fiona > Fiona's Quotes

“They say that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.”
― Eddie Izzard

“Two languages in one brain? No one can live at that speed!”
― Eddie Izzard, Definite Article

“We will now sing forth, hymn 405, 'Oh God, what on earth is my hairdo all about?”
― Eddie Izzard

“But with dogs, we do have "bad dog." Bad dog exists. "Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog!" The dog is saying, "Who are you to judge me? You human beings who’ve had genocide, war against people of different creeds, colors, religions, and I stole a biscuit?! Is that a crime? People of the world!"
"Well, if you put it that way, I think you’ve got a point. Have another biscuit, sorry.”
― Eddie Izzard, Glorious

“Never put a sock in a toaster.”
― Eddie Izzard

“Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.”
― Eddie Izzard

“If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.”
― Eddie Izzard

“And then earlier than that there were the crusades. The crusades were totally fucked. Richard the Lionheart, who had the heart of a lion as well as his own. He ripped it out of the lion, and the lion was left with a bicycle pump and not much to do.”
― Eddie Izzard

“I am a professional transvestite, so I can run about in heels and not fall over. Cause if a woman falls over wearing heels, that’s embarrassing. But if a bloke falls over wearing heels, you have to kill yourself. It’s the end of your life.”
― Eddie Izzard

“Squirrels always eat nuts with two hands, always two hands, "arararar", and occasionally, they stop and go, oh, uh, ah, as if they're going, "Did I leave the gas on? No! I'm, no I'm a fucking squirrel!" And occasionally they go, "Fucking nuts! Fed up with them always. I long for a grapefruit.”
― Eddie Izzard

“And I think that if God did exist, he had many children. I think Jesus proves this. Jesus must be the seventh son of God. A-sus, B-sus, C-sus, D-sus, E-sus, F-sus, G-sus. That's just logic. That's just mathematical. And T-sus would always be fucking about. And P-sus does deliveries. C-sus started the Roman Empire. Cae-sus. F-sus, City in Turkey. B-sus was covered in something. Some people applauding there; other people going, "What?" ... B-sus was covered in bees.”
― Eddie Izzard

“You'll never see the moments coming that will for ever mutilate your life-at least not until after they've mowed you down.

-Savitar”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Acheron

“There are some pains that run too deep for anything to absolve them. The best we can do is pick up the pieces and hope for the strength we need to keep going. (Acheron)
Is that what you do? (Tory)
No, I beat shit up – that helps even more. (Acheron)”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Acheron

“Who did you eat this time? (Acheron)
It wasn’t a who, akri. It was something that had hornies on its head like me. There were a bunch of them actually. All of them had hornies and they made a strange moo-moo sound. (Simi)”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Acheron

“I don’t like your hair black. (Artemis)
And I don’t like your head attached to your shoulders. Guess we can’t all have what we want, huh? (Acheron)”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Acheron

“Bed the woman until neither of you can walk, and get her out of your system. Remember, no matter what they are or where they come from, all women have one simple birth defect. BPD.
BPD?
Bitch Personality Disorder.”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Acheron

“We're not the damned, folks, we're the categorically fucked. - Urian”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Dark Side of the Moon

“Oh God, I just kissed a vampire!"

Oh Gods, I just kissed a human!”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Night Pleasures

“I'm the top of the food chain and well...you're the food.”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Dance with the Devil

“I thought only a wooden stake through the heart killed a vampire. (Amanda)
A wooden stake through the heart will kill just about anything. And if it doesn't, run like hell. (Kyrian)”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Night Pleasures

“You'd be surprised how many people in the modern age no longer fear zombies as much as teletubies.”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Dream Warrior

“I wasn't born, I was unleashed.”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Dance with the Devil

“Dev-"Come in peace or leave in pieces”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Bad Moon Rising

“You know, I would date, if I could find a man worth shaving my legs for. (Grace)”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Fantasy Lover

“What are you doing? (Amanda)
I'm getting into my car. (Kyrian)
You own this?! (Amanda)
No. I'm stealing it with the key in my hand. (Kyrian)”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Night Pleasures

“You know when people say fine, it generally means ‘leave me the hell alone because I don’t want to talk about what’s really bothering me.' (Susan)”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Dark Side of the Moon

“Sure. My ego's had enough time to recover a modicum of dignity. Let's make sure we crush it again before I mistake myself for a god. -Acheron”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Acheron

“Let me BBQ the red headed bitch goddess - Simi”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon

“People with weaknesses get killed by the people who lack them. Notice I'm not dead.”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon

“The strongest steel is forged by the fires of hell. (Savitar)”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon