Masking Quotes

“We have to keep other people at arm's length, because letting them see our hyperfixations, meltdowns, obsessions, and outbursts could mean losing their respect. But locking ourselves away means we can't ever be fully loved.”
― Devon Price, Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity

“Much of what we call maturity is a silly pantomime of independence and unfeeling, not a real quality of unbreakable strength.”
― Devon Price, Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity

“Once you drop a mask, you can never wear it again.”
― Ljupka Cvetanova, The New Land

“It's better to be open about who you really are, what you're really like, and be disliked by a few than it is to hide who you are and be tolerated by many.”
― Elle McNicoll, A Kind of Spark

“Masking also obscures the fact that the world is massively inaccessible to us. If allistics (non-Autistics) never hear our needs voiced, and never see our struggle, they have no reason to adapt to include us. We must demand the treatment we deserve, and cease living to placate those who have overlooked us.”
― Devon Price, Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity

“I put on the mask and robe, thinking that it would help me fit in. But soon the plaster crumbled and the fabric frayed, showing my true skin.”
― Vanessa Ooms, Do It For You: How to Stop People-Pleasing and Find Peace

“After eight hours of performing a one-woman play about a mentally-engaged, emotionally functional human, whe had nothing left in her.”
― Heather Guerre, Cold Hearted

“I wish people could understand that masking is so much more than biting your tongue and forcing yourself to be as average as possible. It's about supressing basic physiological needs. It's about hiding the parts of yourself that come naturally, so they don't seem unnatural to others. It's physical. It's insidious.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“E' un meccanismo di sopravvivenza che chi è come me conosce anche troppo bene: quando si comincia a comprendere che la maggior parte dei problemi e degli ostacoli percepiti come insormontabili sono il risultato di una dissonanza tra sé e il resto del mondo, nella maggior parte dei casi si comincia a imitare gli altri, a conformarsi.
Nell'autismo questo tentativo frequente di conformità al gruppo di appartenenza viene definito masking, indossare una maschera che copre interamente il volto. Col tempo ne crei una per il lavoro, un'altra per le uscite con gli amici, una per le relazioni affettive. Osservi quello che fanno gli altri, cerchi di imitarne i comportamenti, quel modo di ridere a battute che a te sembrano insignificanti, oppure l'andatura, la prosodia. Ma il discorso vale anche se da adolescente scopri che invece delle ragazze ti piacciono i compagni di scuola, quegli stessi ragazzi che invece manifestano la loro eterosessualità con esuberanza spesso facendo in tua presenza commenti terribili contro chiunque abbia un orientamento differente dal loro.
Indossi la maschera se percepisci il tuo genere diverso da quel lo che la società si aspetta tu debba sentire, oppure se non se felice della vita che hai. Quando sei con gli altri, sei gli altri.
Poi torni nella solitudine della tua camera e a volte quella maschera si è talmente appiccicata sul tuo volto che non viene via del tutto; col tempo nemmeno ricordi più chi sei, cosa ti faceva emozionare.”
― Fabrizio Acanfora, In altre parole. Dizionario minimo di diversità

“Sometimes masking can feel like you're dragging a chain across the ground. Being with people who are like me feels like someone unlocking the restraints.”
― Elle McNicoll, Keedie

“I love music. It sets everything in me alive. Every hair stands out on end. I feel like there's a box in my heart, a secret, hidden part of myself. I keep so many things locked inside that box so that no one else will ever see. And when I listen to music, alone in my room with my giant headphones on, the box flies open and all of the colours spill out and somehow merge with the music. I love the feeling. All of my masking and my reservations leave and the hidden parts of my soul come out.”
― Elle McNicoll, Show Us Who You Are

“People don’t say what they mean. They say what makes them likable, and expect you to guess the rest.”
― Arabella Sveinsdottir, Where The Cicada Sleeps: A Diary-Style Portrait of Girlhood, Betrayal, and the Quiet Violence of Being Misunderstood

“Why are autistic people called abnormal… when we’re the only ones who speak the truth?”
― Arabella Sveinsdottir, Where The Cicada Sleeps: A Diary-Style Portrait of Girlhood, Betrayal, and the Quiet Violence of Being Misunderstood

“I became the girl who made people uncomfortable just by asking them to be honest.”
― Arabella Sveinsdottir, Where The Cicada Sleeps: A Diary-Style Portrait of Girlhood, Betrayal, and the Quiet Violence of Being Misunderstood

“I think most people wish they could be more of who they are and still feel accepted. But it's understandably hard if, growing up, you were ignored or shamed for being yourself & rewarded when you conformed.”
― Allyson Dinneen, Notes From Your Therapist

“I’ve learned over the years that a smile is a much more effective mask than a non-expression. Every non-expression is ultimately nothing but a blank canvas inviting unwanted and revealing expressions to flash into momentary visibility. But if you’re wearing a smile, those more revealing expressions have nowhere to go.”
― Sylvia Mercedes, Entranced

“In these meetings Palandine was teaching me how to use my eyes and ears in a manner that complemented the teachings of Calyx and Mila.

“And you have to use that wonderful smile of yours more often, Elim.”

“What’s that got to do with listening?”

That was the subject, and Palandine had typically made a jump in logic I couldn’t follow. She also forgot that I was a Cardassian male and smiling was not one of our strong features.”
― andrew j robinson

“In these meetings Palandine was teaching me how to use my eyes and ears in a manner that complemented the teachings of Calyx and Mila.

“And you have to use that wonderful smile of yours more often, Elim.”

“What’s that got to do with listening?”

That was the subject, and Palandine had typically made a jump in logic I couldn’t follow. She also forgot that I was a Cardassian male and smiling was not one of our strong features.”
― Andrew J. Robinson, A Stitch in Time

“Choosing your own mask was the first voluntary human act. And solitary… your head could sometimes hold itself high like the head of someone who has overcome an obstacle: the person was.”
― Clarice Lispector

“[...] and my face is sore from smiling so hard in an effort to appear friendly and nonthreatening.”
― Samantha Irby, Quietly Hostile: Essays

“Just because brokerages disclose a convoluted
web of profiteering doesn’t mean it’s appropriate. It just means they are hiding these questionable practices in plain sight with a mountain of compliance language that no one will ever read.”
― Christopher Manske, Outsmart the Money Magicians: Maximize Your Net Worth by Seeing Through the Most Powerful Illusions Performed by Wall Street and the IRS

“A man stares at himself in the mirror and peels away all the layers. But the person he sees doesn't feels like someone he knows. He feels like he is looking at a total stranger.”
― Ryan Gelpke, Peruvian Nights

“I realize that's how it sometimes feels to be me.
As if I have to hide who I am, all of the time.
As if I have to pretend to be like everyone else, just so people will love me.
As if I'm constantly being asked to share, to reveal myself, to open up, and when I do--when I finally show people who I truly am--it's not what anyone wanted and they explode right in front of me.
I am so fucking done with making myself smaller.”
― Holly Smale, Cassandra in Reverse

“Yet the autistic woman is not masking with the intention of being deceitful. Her true self is invisible even to her own person. She is masking to fit in, and doing so unconsciously. Often, she doesn't even understand that she has been camouflaging herself until she gets her diagnosis. Before that, she thinks her struggle is everyone else's, too. At least, that's what it was like for me.”
― Clara Tornvall, Autisterna: om kvinnor på spektrat

“You mistake tragedy for horror because no one likes true sadness.”
― Dominic Riccitello

“The way she worked a room fascinated me. In adapting to autism, she had learned to interact with others by plan, but all the while making it look as if it were the most spontaneous and natural thing in the world.”
― Tom Equels, The Horseman's Tale: A Novel

“What was the point when life was a constant circle of forcing a broken mask onto yourself to survive, only to rip it off at the end of the day to reveal a girl who was just as broken? I had no energy left to be the me I once was--and should still have been. Simply living was a chore.”
― Chloé Hayden, Different, Not Less: A Neurodivergent's Guide to Embracing Your True Self and Finding Your Happily Ever After

“I take things literally. Not because I’m stupid. Because I listen.”
― Arabella Sveinsdottir, Where The Cicada Sleeps: A Diary-Style Portrait of Girlhood, Betrayal, and the Quiet Violence of Being Misunderstood

“To be fluent in a language you never wanted to learn is its own kind of grief.”
― Arabella Sveinsdottir, Where The Cicada Sleeps: A Diary-Style Portrait of Girlhood, Betrayal, and the Quiet Violence of Being Misunderstood

“I had to learn to pretend to be normal. My father kept trying to convince me that I was normal. He was wrong about that, but I'm glad he taught me the way he did.”
― Octavia E. Butler, Parable of the Sower