The Song Of The Quarkbeast Quotes

“A Quarkbeast is a small hyena-shaped creature that is covered in leathery scales and often described as: 'One tenth Labrador, six-tenths velociraptor and three-tenths kitchen food blender.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast

“Good," said Moobin. "Any questions?"
"Yes," said Tiger. "Why do inflammable and flammable mean the same thing?"
"Sorry, I should rephrase that: Any questions relating to the job at hand?"
There weren't.
"Well," said Moobin with finality, "there it is, then. Rest well.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast

“After almost two hours, the phone rang. I could guess who it was.
"Hello, Blix," I said before he could say anything. "Adding kidnapping to your long list of felonies?"
"We prefer to think of it as 'vacationing at the specific invitation of His Majesty," replied Blix. "Open the top drawer of the bureau."
I did so, and found a contract for Kazam to concede the competition, with all the details that Blix had already outlined. The document had been prepared by a law firm in Financia and registered with the Ununited Kingdoms Supreme Court, so even if King Snodd had wanted to reverse the deal, he couldn't.
"It's all there," said Blix. "I knew my or the King's word wouldn't be good enough, so I made it official. Sign it and your vacation in the North Tower is over."
"And if I don't?"
"Then you'll stay there until six Mondays from now, and we'll have Kazam for nothing."
"Blix?"
"Yes?"
"Are you in the castle watching the top of the North Tower at the moment?"
"I might be."
I ripped the phone from the wall and tossed it out the open window. The telephone took almost five seconds to hit the ground. It was a pointless gesture, but very satisfying.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast