Aspiring Authors and more ... discussion

This is a piece from a story I'm writing about a guy who gets transported into a magical land called Eolaria and finds out he's the savior they've all been waiting for for about 2,000 years.

"What's wrong?" Will asked, seeing how Azzan looked up at the sky.
"Quick, behind these bushes!" Azzan said, shoving Will and Iferious behind them.
Will looked up and saw a great beast flying above them. "What is that?" He asked, trying to be as still as possible.
"A dragon rider," Iferious replied. "Hopefully he hasn't seen us."
But he spoke too soon. The dragon rider circled in the air and landed less than thirty paces away from where they were concealed. He dismounted and began to walk toward them.

Wow, sounds so good, the names are great, i would of maybe wanted a description of the dragon but doesn't neccessary have to be included there. I can't wait to read more

The dragons get described a little later in the book, because they have a pretty large part. Thanks for noticing that, though.

oh good, otherwise it was amazing, i just hoped you described the dragon because i once wrote something and describing a dragon is great because there is so much you can describe

Yeah. I just didn't want to mix up the suspense of the moment with descriptions.

yeah that works better

That sound amazing.

Thanks

Your welcome. You should send me the rest of it so I can finish it. Send it to abigailstinson@danville.k12.in.us

Don't even have the first chapter yet, just bits and pieces, lol. That part comes from somewhere in the middle.

Cool I can't wait to read it when you finish it.

In the days of old
When stories told
Meant naught to those who heard them...

that is great... i am in awe

Thanks...
Random poem that popped into my head about two years ago, never been able to finish it. (:

it is really good, but if you struggle finishing it, maybe miss out a line and continue later on, don't just write something that fits because it fits

(: yeah, know what you mean. Thanks

The beginning of the histories of how the earth and a magical land called Eolaria were created:

There was Olea, the king, and he ruled over Monwell. He created the worlds when time began and named them, Earth and Eolaria. On Earth he created humans. Eolaria, however, he left bare. From his servants on Monwell he chose six, and their names were Claudius, Gorgaira, Kinarra, Finwell and his brother, Fingen, and Jormundar. Olea called these six the heanor, and commanded them to fill Eolaria with things of their making.
Awed by what Olea had done, the heanor gazed at the land, afraid to mar it in any way. But then Claudius stretched out his hand and touched the dirt. Underneath his fingers sprung grass and flowers of such beauty as none had seen. He then made the rain and the sun to give his creation life.
The rest of the heanor then saw that they could do such. Each in their turn touched the land.
Gorgaira made the waters, and the sea, and all the creatures within.
Kinarra made the trees, each with their own beauty, and the wind in which to give them music.
Finwell then made the mountains, their peaks reaching high into the sky, glorifying the power of Olea. He then reached toward the sky and created the moon and the stars.
Fingen made the deer, and all the good beasts of the earth and the air.
But that which Jormundar created he hid from his fellows.
Then Olea returned and gazed upon the works of his servants. He tasted the salt waters of the sea and the fresh waters of the rivers. He walked among the forests. He watched the animals play. He stood upon the peak of the greatest mountain and looked down upon the land, and was pleased.
He then spoke to them, saying, "Give the land people to tend the animals and plants." Then he spoke to Jormundar, saying, "Where are your works?"
Jormundar replied to his master, "I have hidden it, so that it may please you when all is finished."

that is excellent, it is as good as Christopher Paolini

Thanks! Is it too overdone, though? That's the only thing that was bugging me.

not one bit

Wow! I can't wait to read more. You got me completely caught up in the story. I love the names and how you describe everything. Wow!

Thanks!

We had to read Hamlet for school and when we were done we had to write a poem that summarized the whole book. It's random.

Something is rotten in Denmark,
King Hamlet the great is dead.
The Queen once again has married,
Or so all the people have said.

The ghost told young Hamlet the culprit,
Revenge blossoms now in his heart.
For none but his uncle did slay him,
Who now is the king of Denmark.

Laertes has challenged a duel,
For his father young Hamlet did slay.
But both blade and wine have been poisoned,
In order that Hamlet might pay.

With both of the duelists poisoned,
Young Hamlet now kills the king.
His mother has tasted the liquor,
They all die but justice now rings.

Having never read Hamlet but reading Macbeth that sounds a great poem to go along with Hamlet

it's really good. Never read Hamlet either.

Thanks! You should read it, it's actually quite intriguing :)

I might, i quite enjoyed Macbeth apart from the fact that i was forced to learn it off by heart for my exams

lol, yeah I hate it when you have to read a good book for something like that. (:

i know what you mean because it always ruins a good book by dragging it out

Yeah, like we've been doing annotating in school, and we've been having to do it to really good stories, and it just makes it annoying.

i used to do that but now it has changed to poetry and i don't think i would have liked them anyway so i don't mind too much

yeah, it's not as big of a deal if it's something you don't care about in the first place.

I just randomly wrote this. It's not really part of anything.

Lana stared out the window at the pouring rain. “Is it ever going to stop?” She wondered.
It was then that she saw him. He walked with a steady pace. He did not get wet. The sight of him sent a shiver down Lana’s spine. She left the window quickly and began shoving items into a bag. She had to escape before he came!
She picked up a photograph. For a moment she hesitated, looking at it. They were all so happy, then. There was her little brother, Joseph. He had only been five. And her mother and father. She missed that all so much.
She stuffed the photo in the bag and hurried toward the back door. The whole house shuddered and she was knocked to the floor. He was breaking the door down!
Lana picked herself up and turned the knob of the back door. It was locked! Quickly she fumbled in her pocket for her keys. Without luck, she glanced over at the desk. They were sitting there, just out of her reach.
The house shuddered again. The door wouldn’t hold much longer.
Lana ran over to the desk, grabbed the keys, and ran back to the door. She fumbled for a moment with them and put the key in the keyhole.
The man hit the door again. This time Lana heard wood splintering.
She unlocked the door, and it swung open. She stepped outside and looked up at the sky. The rain fell down on her face.
There! She saw them! Her people had come for her. One of them stretched out her hand. Lana spread her wings and flew upwards. She had escaped! Her fingertips brushed the hand of the other.
It was then that she felt his icy grip around her ankle.

Oh my god! That is amazing!!!

Thanks (:

You need to make that into a book- absolutely amazing

yes, I agree :)

I'll see if I can make more to the story (: Thanks!

Hey, I need a really short, scary story based inside a junior high school for something I'm doing. Do you have any story ideas?

i had to do something like that for media studies, we used the idea that room 39 (my media room) was curse and there was something wrong with it, maybe developing that idea might work

That's really cool! Thanks!

your welcome hope it helps

I came up with this phrase a little bit ago. I thought it might would make a good first sentence to some book.

"How did I get here? How did I become the monster that I am?"

love it

Thanks XD

Good stuff!

Thanks!

I tried hard to focus on the road ahead. That was no easy task, what with a traumatized girl in the back seat, and a bleeding man in the seat beside me.
I wasn’t sure how much longer Sam was going to stay conscious. He had a dirty rag wrapped around his arm, and I could tell he was in severe pain.
“Turn here,” he said, between clenched teeth.
I swerved a bit too quickly and the car jolted to the right. We made it onto the road, though.
I heard Jess whimper in the back.
“Sorry,” I breathed, clutching the steering wheel tighter.
It was a dirt road, leading off to who-knows-where. I didn’t let it bother me at the moment.
“Not much farther ahead,” Sam said.
I nodded.
Before too long we came to a house.
“Stop,” Sam said.
I put on the brakes and opened the car door.
A screen door slammed up at the house, and I saw a man come out on the porch.
I went over to Sam’s side and opened his door. The man and a woman were by my side within seconds. The man supported Sam, taking him out of the car. He helped him to the house, the woman following.
They left me alone to deal with Jess.
“O.K., Jess, come on,” I said. I opened her door and she scooted over to the other side of the car, curled up In a ball, trembling.
“Jess, we’ve gotta get you out of here,” I said. I reached out and tried to pick her up.
She whimpered.
I finally got her out and trudged up to the house, carrying her.
The woman opened the door for me, wordlessly. She went up a flight of stairs, meaning for me to follow. She showed me a bedroom and I laid Jess down on the bed. Nodding, she shooed me out of the room, closing the door behind me.
The house seemed vacant except for them. I had no idea where they’d taken Sam to.
I went back downstairs and plopped down on the couch. I hadn’t realized how tired I was till I started to doze off.
A few hours later I woke up to find the house still empty. I walked into the kitchen to find the woman making a sandwich.
“Hi,” I said.
The woman nodded.
“My name’s –“
The woman cut me off. “We know your name, Kelly. We know a lot more about you than you think.”
“Where’s-“
“Sam is being treated. We don’t know his condition yet.”
“And Jess?”
“The same.” She sat me down at the table and handed me the sandwich. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was, either.
“Who are you?” I risked asking.
“Old friends of Sam.” The way she answered it said that I shouldn’t pry in that area.
“Do you know what those things were that attacked us?”
Sitting in the seat opposite me, she said, “Don’t worry about that, before too long everything will be explained.”
I should’ve known I wouldn’t get a better answer from her that I had from Sam.
You see, me and Sam’s relationship was… well… different. Most people thought he was my step-dad. That’s what we’ve let them believe.
Sam took care of me, I don’t know why. Especially after how I treated him.
After all these years, after how kind he treated me, with how he provided everything for me like a father, I still couldn’t think of him as much more than the monster that killed my mother.

I love the idea and the story but to improve it using the concept "show don't tell" would really interest me and further this story more which is already superb

thanks! I'll see about doing some of that!