My Writing, Your Writing discussion

Hullo! Here's to post my writing. :P

A snippet from my current WIP, working title Chloe, with a blind girl as my MC.


I hear the whir of the hospital’s automatic door opening and feel my way out with the cane. A cold breeze bites into my skin when I step onto the sidewalk outside, and I inhale deeply. It smells cold, and there’s a heaviness in the air I recognize easily. Rain. It’s still faint, but it’ll be here in an hour, judging by the speed of the wind. I’m never wrong when predicting the weather. Hopefully I’ll be home before it starts.

My cane bumps steadily over the cracks in the sidewalk. Cars whoosh past on my left, making the air swirl around me. It feels weird to be walking by myself, but it’s great. Hardly anybody walks anymore. I hear a familiar whizzing – a bike – and move to the side. The bike whips past without slowing. I keep moving, pausing to push strands of hair off my face.
I hear a slow, steady sound of rolling wheels behind me with a beat I don’t recognize. It stays the same distance behind me, not getting closer or farther away. I try to ignore it, but it’s getting on my nerves. Is someone following me?

I hear more cars straight ahead of me, and my cane bumps down suddenly. This is where the sidewalk ends. I back up a step, unsure of what to do. I’ve never crossed an intersection on my own before. On the way here, a pushy lady gripped my arm and practically dragged me across, trying to “help”. But now there’s no one around, not that I can hear. Except for the rolling sound coming steadily closer. It stops next to me.

“Do you need help?” a female voice asks, hesitating.

“No,” I snap automatically, then regret it.

“Fine.” I hear the rolling sound again and stretch out my hand.

“Wait,” I say. “I’m sorry. Yes, I could use some help.”

I wait. Then I hear a sigh, and a hand carefully touches my hand and moves it. I feel something like thick canvas, and my toe bumps against something rubbery, a wheel. My breath catches as I realize what it is. A wheelchair.

“Light’s green, let’s go,” the girl says brusquely. The wheelchair lurches forward, and it’s all I can do to keep up. We make it to the other side of the street in no time at all.

The wheelchair slows as we move up the incline onto the sidewalk on the other side of the intersection. “Well, nice helping ya,” the girl says. She starts to roll away, but I tighten my grip on the back of the wheelchair.

“No, don’t leave yet,” I say. “Listen, I’m sorry for being so rude. I’m Chloe.”

Silence. “Melissa,” she finally says. “Now could you please let go?”

I pause. Let go of a chance to make a friend, and one who sounds like she needs it just as much as I do? Not a chance.


I'd love to hear what you think!!! Critiques wanted! :D

nice

I'm litarally hanging on the chandelier.

shine what's uup with you and chandeliers

XD

That's how I am when reading. I feel like it when it comes to cliff hangers.

XD Nice to know my cliffhanger worked!!! Or... chandelier hanger...

Why did you leave me hanging

:P Because that was the best place to break it off?

Awesome! Still grounded.....

bummer I was just going to say: Yay your back."