Perspective Plus discussion

Many of you may be frequent viewers of MTV's "Catfish" show and are familiar with the premise. For those of you not, Nev is the host of a show based on his own movie about on-line dating and the subsequent fraud that he endured with the person he was "dating". In his show,he helps people find and meet their on-line loves and see just how truthful they have been.

I do not make a habit of this show, mostly because it does not interest me, but I caught an episode last week that had me in tears. A young woman who in a fashion plus-size, meaning that she is under a size 24 but over a size 14, had been with a man for over 7 years, on-line only. She had photo-shopped her pics to make herself slimmer and knew that his pics more than likely were not him, which was the case.

She was so ashamed of her size,that she refused to leave the house! She did not appear in family photos (sound familiar) nor did she even to events or anywhere she had to be in public. The meeting was set up and she and the young man in question did meet. Neither were bothered by the doctored photos,and he really liked her,but she was not sure. She decided that she needed to look our for herself first and begin to love herself first before pursuing a relationship. As a coda, both of them were going to meet off camera and see what happens.

I was so saddened by her lack of desire to go out in public because she was ashamed to be who she is. Why? Because most likely it was some bully, family member,meta message that made her that way. Why? Because she let that message rule her. Not all of us have a sense of self, and shopping can knock it out of you if you are fuller bodied, tall, big boobed, super short, very thin or a combination of things. Pictures do not reflect who we are, as we are only presented with an ideal.

Why do we let this kind of shame keep holding us back? I saw a talking head show on cable news this weekend discussing fashion week with 2 "plus-size" models on the panel. They are normal weighted women who are "plus size". That is so ridiculous I could scream! I am sick to the teeth of women and men being called "plus size" for being a healthy weight it isn't funny. People are being forced to lose weight to keep insurance rates from going up, and these are people who do not NEED to lose weight! It is all for the almighty bottom line!

THIS is why we are made to feel shame about who we are, because if we are happy with who we are,why would be buy anything to make ourselves feel better? I felt so badly for the young woman in the show who bought into the whole "not leaving the house because I'm fat" cycle that so many of us adhere to,just because we feel shame.

There are places that I will not go because they do not have seating that I can sit in (and I will tell them why I am leaving),places that do not carry my size (and they claim to be a plus size store) and other places that I do not fit into, but I have made sure that they know why I do not patronize them. I do not and will not just accept that being my size should make me have to stay at home and do nothing.

I proudly wear a swimsuit in public and DO NOT cover it up! I know not everyone has chutzpah, but I hope mine will rub off on others. We should not have to settle or let others make us feel like less. Be proud of who you are, and who you are is NOT the package you are in, but rather what is IN the package.

Embrace you, be you, and be wonderful.

YOU are YOU and you should not be ashamed.