CLOG - Comedy Literature Only Group discussion

Due credit: CLOG was originally founded by the very splendid Alastair Miles, author of Going Afterlife. If acronyms can be copyrighted, then this one belongs to Mr M.

Though CLOG was first established in another place, we hope to kindle a new fellowship here. All funny writers (i.e. amusing and/or peculiar) are very welcome.

Howdy all

Jemahl wrote: "Howdy all"

(Cue loud cheers and applause.)

Hi Jemahl. Great to see you here. We're getting the band back together...

The door creaks open and a man steps in from the rain. The room is dark. At the moment there is just a small table with a single lamp on it. There are two men at the table. Rob and Jemahl. They look over at the strange figure that has entered their strange little club of CLOG. He is shambolic looking, probably drunk. The man puts his guitar down and steps into the light.

“Oh, it’s you,” says Rob and Jemahl, looking away again.
“I brought my guitar.”
“This is a writing club, Andy, we’ve been through this,” says Rob.
“But you said about putting the band back together-“
“It was a metaphor. I meant… you know what I meant.”
“The old CLOG gang from Authonomy, you remember Authonomy Andy?” said Jemahl, showing concern for the often confused Andy.
For a moment everyone looked sad as memories of their old haunt came and went.
“Should I go?” says Andy.
“Did you bring drinks?” says Rob.
“I brought Whiskey.”
“And the Woggle?”
“Of course I brought the Woggle.”
“Then come in you fool! Where’s everyone else?”
“They’re just behind me.”

And so it began. This sad destitute band of comedy writers had found their new stomping ground.

Andrew wrote: "“Did you bring drinks?” says Rob.
“I brought Whiskey.”"

Ah, you're very welcome, Andy. Come in and bring that bottle with you. (I presume it's Irish 'whiskey' and not Scotch?)

And you brought the woggle. Wonderful. I was wondering where it went. We'll put it up on the wall.

I've been looking at the room, incidentally, and I think only two of the walls are load-bearing. I reckon we could knock through if we needed some extra space for new members.

It's only me!

The Dook is here.

Where's the hat-wearing geezer?

Corben wrote: "It's only me!
The Dook is here.
Where's the hat-wearing geezer?"

Hi Corben. Come in. Take a seat. Have a glass of something. (Whisky's all we've got at the moment. I hope you're fond of the stuff.)

Mr Miles is late. Not as in 'the late Mr Miles' - just late. Possibly still in space or designing an iron bridge or something. We've saved him a chair at the end of the table.

Thanks Rob. Has anyone called in at http://scribblers.freeforums.net/ ? It seems to be where the established Authonomites went. It's a kind of AuthonoMiniMe. But the list of genres doesn't include comedy!

Where's Andy Paine @Titanictestictales?

I made it guys. Good to see you all. Ah, you've even got me a drink. I could use it, I have yet to figure out how this place works.

On the subject of scribblers though I half wondered about dropping in there and trying to get them to come somewhere more established. It's a bit unsporting but I just can't seen Scribblers growing in any way. Anyone care to volunteer to make themselves unpopular?

Ooh, I see I'm supposed to limt myself to a meer 12 000 characters per post. That's a challenge I'm going to take on at some point.

Goodreads is a good one to keep in contact on. I pop my head around scribblers now and again, but am not bothered about joining up.

Am in a bit of a limbo having finished book 2 draft and sent off to beta readers and publisher. I should be looking for an agent, but the thought of that is depressing.

I am quite pleased how book 2 has turned out though, I need to add a chapter at the end, and see what feedback I get, but I am hoping it is a much more complete article than Roundhead was at this stage.

Alastair wrote: "Anyone care to volunteer to make themselves unpopular? ..."

Nope. I've plumbed those depths already.

Great to see you here, though, and I see you've brought your space suit. It really is beginning to feel very homely.

Jemahl wrote: "I am quite pleased how book 2 has turned out though, I need to add a chapter at the end, and see what feedback I get, but I am hoping it is a much more complete article than Roundhead was at this stage. ..."

I think that has to be taken as a very good sign. If you're anything like me - i.e. self-critical to an almost Olympian standard - then it takes a lot to give a verdict like 'quite pleased.' In all seriousness, knowing what fine work you produced last time, that sounds like extremely good news. Congratulations must be in order - and a certain amount of envy.

Corben wrote: "Has anyone called in at http://scribblers.freeforums.net/ ? It seems to be where the established Authonomites went. It's a kind of AuthonoMiniMe. But the list of genres doesn't include comedy! Where's Andy Paine @Titanictestictales?"

I haven't looked at it yet. I posted a quick profile on WriteOn - mainly so I could catch up with MauriceR and a couple of others - and there some familiar faces there. It supports the sort of peer reviewing that Autho did - although in light of recent warnings about teenage larceny - I haven't yet posted anything of my own.

I also promised to visit Book Country to catch up with some others, but maybe I'll just pop in briefly to say hi. I don't want to have to be maintaining lots of different accounts.

And yes, where's the Australomite, Captain Paine? And the owl? And the otter and all the others? I put a sign clearly over the door. They can't have missed us, surely. Maybe we need a bigger woggle.

By the way, I wasn't intending to be the group's only moderator. I wondered about making everyone here a mod. Does anyone have any strong feelings either way? (I'm assuming it will mainly be a matter of deleting the occasional spam post.)

Oh, and don't forget, we can create other discussion threads under the CLOG banner. I was thinking of starting another one in which new members can introduce themselves. (I don't want our in-jokes to deter new people from joining.)

One last thing and then I promise I'll go and get on with my life...

I've previously mentioned a writer called Will Once, whom I met here on Goodreads. He's part of the Humour Club, which is worth checking out.

Anyway, some time back I bought his book, Love, Death and Tea and thought it was excellent. The reason I mention it is that he's got it on free promotion on Amazon for the next two days (until 12th October.) I think many of you would be tickled.

"Am in a bit of a limbo having finished book 2 draft and sent off to beta readers and publisher. I should be looking for an agent, but the thought of that is depressing."

Hi Jemahl - I expect your Book 1 publisher will sign up Book 2. But, if you need an agent you must be in a stronger position than most of us. I'm in the process of querying agents. It's tough, man.

Rob wrote: "I've previously mentioned a writer called Will Once, whom I met here on Goodreads. He's part of the Humour Club, which is worth..."

Got it. Thanks Rob.

Rob wrote: “Ah, you're very welcome, Andy. Come in and bring that bottle with you. (I presume it's Irish 'whiskey' and not Scotch?)"

Yes, I thought that might bug you. Bwa ha ha!

Rob wrote: "By the way, I wasn't intending to be the group's only moderator. I wondered about making everyone here a mod. Does anyone have any strong feelings either way? (I'm assuming it will mainly be a matt..."

I'm happy with that.

Also, I downloaded Love, Death and Tea. I've only read the opening few pages but it looks like it's going to be funny. Will Once should be invited into the group.

Can someone send me the rules, in Aramaic.

Norman wrote: "Can someone send me the rules, in Aramaic."

Unfortunately, Goodreads doesn't seem to support the Aramic fonts that I most commonly use. The best I can approximate is:



The phonetic equivalent would, of course, be B'NaMuOSaA D'NeENaD - with the appropriate changes in inflection for the Western dialect.

My grammar is a bit rusty but you can see the gist of it, I'm sure: 'There are no rules' or - more literally - 'Laws absent'.

(Amazing what rubbish one can pick up on the internet. Assuming that these online dictionaries aren't just spouting random gibberish on the basis that no one will actually check..)

By the way, I hope everyone likes our new CLOG icon - a woggle emblazoned with Baden-Powell in a stovepipe hat.

Andrew wrote: "I'm happy with that.
Also, I downloaded Love, Death and Tea. I've only read the opening few pages but it looks like it's going to be funny. Will Once should be invited into the group."

I've just be-modded you, or whatever the correct term is. We now have to go around sneering at rockers, apparently. Anyone else want a quick modding? I'm told there are free mopeds.

I'll get in touch with Will. He's well established with the Humour Club but it can't hurt to let him know he has friends here.

INTRODUCTIONS

Please note that I've set up another CLOG discussion thread for people to introduce themselves. I don't want to put potential new members off by forcing them to wade through lots of general natter before they can say hi. I thought a nice friendly 'Introductions' thread would be a good place for everyone to start. I hope you'll all say a few words about yourselves and the book(s) you're working on.

I have been made MOD... I can feel the cells in my body changing... becoming powerful... The ability to delete other peoples ideas... no... the power is too great!

But wait... yes... the power is good. I can do great things!

Now, where's my moped? Ah, here it is, under this old tarpaulin. Look at all those mirrors! Putt putt putt putt. YES listen to that engine!

And now I go, off to fight my nemesis: Spam. I am drunk and armed (as you can see by the profile pic I have changed to scare off would-be spams) so be warned.

But also, welcome all newcomers. You will find this group very warm and welcoming. And if not, I'll shoot you.

Aha! So this is where you've all been hiding!

So this is where the action is, eh? Mind if I take this empty seat?

Pleased to meet you!

So this is where the action is, eh? Mind if I take this empty seat?

Pleased to meet you!

Rob wrote: "By the way, I hope everyone likes our new CLOG icon - a woggle emblazoned with Baden-Powell in a stovepipe hat."

I logged on and it was the first thing I noticed. It's terrific. Maybe my only contribution to human culture will be to make the top hat synonymous with comedy. You know, I'd actually settle for that.

"Humour Club", accronym HC. I should have thought of that for Authonomy...

Will wrote: "So this is where the action is, eh? Mind if I take this empty seat? Pleased to meet you!"

Hey Will. Great to see you here. I've been telling everyone about some of your works and their subject matter: tea-drinking zombies, altruistic supervillains and the like. Splendid stuff.

The chairs are a bit dusty, I'm afraid, but you're very welcome to one. I don't know who had this place last but they left the place in a hell of a tip, and there's a disconcerting whiff of formaldehyde in the air. I suspect it was a serial killer fan group or some such. Nevertheless, we'll do our best to bring some levity to the place.

Belinda wrote: "Aha! So this is where you've all been hiding!"

Hooray! You're here. With all these guys around, I was worried people would start to think this was a thinly disguised masonic lodge.

I think you know everyone except Will Once. (He's nice; you'll like him.)

There are crisps on the table and there may just be a drop of whisky left if you're quick. Oh, and be careful of Andy's guitar over there by the door. I keep nearly knocking it over - and he hasn't even given us a tune on it yet.

Alastair wrote: "I logged on and it was the first thing I noticed. It's terrific. Maybe my only contribution to human culture will be to make the top hat synonymous with comedy. You know, I'd actually settle for that."

Chaplin managed it with the bowler; I don't see why you shouldn't continue the tradition. Of course, you'll have the Worshipful Guild of Ringmasters to contend with, and I hear they can get pretty nasty. (Magicians can get pretty touchy, too.)

Belinda: what's the situation vis-à-vis top hats and Morris men?

Hello.
Nice to meet you all. You remind me of people I once knew, from a place I can no longer remember. Nostalgia is a wonderful thing, but really hard to grow, especially in the summer. Yet here it is, in full bloom.

Ah, Captain Paine. Do come in. Wonderful to see you.

We could do with some colour in this place and growing a few pots of nostalgia would be just the thing. We're a bit short of containers, though. No top hats to be seen, Andy won't let us use his guitar and, for some reason, Alastair's still wearing his space helmet. I don't suppose you still have the goldfish bowl, do you?

Rob wrote: "Andy won't let us use his guitar..."

Ah, but times have changed. I picked the thing up last night to finally serenade you all but tripped on a damn owl costume and broke the strings on its beak.

So now it might work better as a vase. I'll lie it on its back and plant one of these grey dwindling Nostalgia Plants in it. That strange flower only becomes colourful and blooms when someone nearby is reminiscing. Fascinating.

Just a quick note to welcome one Robert Wingfield esquire to our merry chamber.

Several of you will already know him as the founder of the INCA Project, and others will recognise him as the author of The Legend of Dan and its boisterous brood of sequels.

Something of a CreateSpace guru, a selfless promoter of aspirant writers and generally an all-round hoot, he's our latest CLOG member. Since it was he who first introduced me to Auth... the 'other' place, his arrival stirs a pleasant sense of symmetry.

Welcome, Rob.
(You can never have enough Robs in a group, I reckon.)

Oh dear, it has got quiet here hasn't it?

I'm not exactly helping things with my own absences. What am I doing? I've been writing about the longest (in terms of time) short story (in terms of words) the world has ever seen. Probably, because when I started, I hope the ending would occur to me at some point. Bad idea.

Worse still, it's not even funny (well maybe a little bit), it's SF.

Anyway, by way of conversation, I wonder if we should update each other on what we've all been reading? The 'good' thing about 'Good'reads is that absolutely everything seems to be up here.

For my part, I've been finishing up some books I got for free as a thank you from HC for becoming a moderator for 'the other place' (not the House of Lords).

They all purported to be amusing. One of them was funny. The other 2 were brilliantly creative in their prose and individual scenes but dull in terms of overall narative - pretyy unforgivable in my opinion (and made me wonder how they managed to get published ahead of some of the other good stuff I've seen).

What were these books? Well, I'll leave it for another post at another time (hopefully soon!)

I've been unforgivably promiscuous in my reading habits lately. Aside from Capt. Paine's final chapters of Bad Business, I've been reading The Flatpack Observer, Ravensdale and the very splendid The Wild Places by Robert Macfarlane. It sometimes galls me to see some of the formulaic rubbish that gets published but The Wild Places is inspiringly well written. I'm enjoying every word.

In whatever free time has remained, I've been starting the hunt for an agent. All quiet thus far...

Just to put a downer on it, I read A Farewell to Arms. Which is not funny in any way, but is genius. However, I think it will be something lighter next.

I have been reading James and the giant peach. I'd never read it, and thought I should. Next up is tales of yorr, which I am looking forward to.

Just a thought. CLOG started out as a read and review group and that gave us a kind of monthly focus to keep us all engaged. What do we think about reviving that - i.e. reading at least some of a new, yet-to-be published book each month and then reviewing it?

I note that Jemahl and Andy Paine both have new books in development, and we've been joined by Ted Dunphy who would welcome some reviews for one of his three works. It strikes me that there are plenty to go at if the will is there.

We could also review published works if people fancy the idea. Reviews on Goodreads and Amazon are definitely beneficial, although writing a review tends to require a full read, rather than just a few chapters and then giving some constructive feedback. It would mean more work. Lots of us now have self published works, and both Bad Business and The Accidental Scoundrel are both close to getting a public airing, so some early reviews might give them a bit of a springboard.

And then there's the question of how we share the content. Jim (James Court) has set up a shared space on OneDrive, so we could post chapters there and then comment on a new discussion thread here.

Anyway, just musing aloud and wondering what people think...

Good plan, Rob. I'd be delighted to review CLOG books.

Oh, and I see Big Al has been writing serious SF. What does he think he's playing at?! It's up to us CLOGsters to help him with this serious issue. Hand over yer short/long story, Big Guy, and let's stuff some gags into it.

Sounds like a good idea. I'd be happy to review fellow Clog books. Probably best if we stick to commenting on drafts rather than giving Amazon or GR reviews. Amazon is cracking down on friend reviews, and rightly so.

Will wrote: "Sounds like a good idea. I'd be happy to review fellow Clog books. Probably best if we stick to commenting on drafts rather than giving Amazon or GR reviews..."

Okay - well let's narrow it down then. The proposal is that we review works in progress rather than stuff that's already published.

As it stands, we have two or three possible candidates:

Jemahl's 'Roundhead' sequel
Andy's latest Titanic Tale
Alastair's long/short sci-fi story

Any other nominations for works in progress? Please shout out if you've got something.

I've got an early draft of "Love, Death and Wyrds", but as it's a sequel it won't make much sense unless folk have read the original. So I will hold that one in reserve for now. It sounds like we have three good contenders already.

I wouldn't mind requesting I move further back in the line. All my efforts are on BB for a while longer yet. I'd like to give Wealth Care a real
Going over before I ask you all to give up your own time.

Jemahl's 'Roundhead' sequel is looking like the front-runner then.

Who's up for a review? (I'll leave this question open for a day or two to give people time to respond and to suggest additional books to review.)

We'll apply the usual CLOG rules - i.e. we'll aim to have the reviews in by the end of each month; in this case November.

Oh - and we'll need to figure out how we're actually going to get hold of a copy...