UB Libraries Book Group discussion

Hello Readers!

The selection for November is Dinner with Edward. My question is- we can do the discussion the week of the 21st- but that's the holiday week. Or, we can discuss the 28th. I'm leaning towards the 28th. Does that work for folks?

Thank you,
Amy

The week of Nov. 28th works for me and makes more sense.

I agree, the 28th works better for me too. Thanksgiving week is crazy for me. It would be easier to finish up any reading the weekend before.

The 28th it is. And this book is a short, fast read- good for a holiday month.

Sounds good. :-)

Good morning readers!

I never know what's the best way to start- so I'm going to launch like a rocket and put out several questions and observations on Dinner with Edward. Comment on all, some, none, and/or add your own! I'll comment too as we go along. Let's jump in:

- Isabel began meeting with Edward to check in on him. Overall, did she help Edward or did Edward help her?
- Do you have an Edward in your life? By this I mean a person you unexpectedly meet who has a profound, positive influence on you in some way.
- Did the use of the food trope (menus, descriptions, etc.) add to or detract from the story? Necessary? Unnecessary?
- There's a point in the book where Isabel talks of Edward's sexism. Did you find any of his behavior - verbal or otherwise - sexist? Did it bother you? Did his age give him a "pass?" (i.e., more of a generational difference in attitudes and mores)
- Consider these comments from Edward:
"We live in the age of communications, but nobody knows how to communicate anymore, it's just emailing and texting, not communication. Nobody's dealing with reality. It's a shame." Is he onto something here?
"All we have are our stories." What do you think about memory - whether true, imperfect, or otherwise, and how it effects our resilience to move forward when troubles arise?
- Also, for our readers from the NY area (hi Becky!), Roosevelt Island seems like prime real estate! Why isn't it the swank place developers had planned? At least that's the way it came across in this book. I'm not saying it should or shouldn't be, but I found it curious. If I lived in NY, I'd live there- it sounded nice!

I just finished the book last night. It is a quick read, as was noted. This was a nice, sweet book at a good time of year for it, so thank you for picking it Amy!

I think the help was definitely mutual between Edward and Isabel. It struck me that starting a relationship with someone brand new to you like this, can almost be like going to therapy, only even better in this case, considering the delicious meals. I think it can be easier to reflect on your own life and unburden yourself with a person who is objective. Not totally in this case, since Isabel and Edward's daughter are friends and therefore something about each of their lives was known to the other. The difference in generations may also have helped in this regard.

I didn't really think of Edward as sexist. It's true he advocated meeting the generally accepted physical grooming ideals based on gender. But he encouraged Isabel to dress up and wear more lipstick in order to make herself feel better, not someone else. And he followed the same advice himself, dressing nattily and enjoying the fact that he did.

I'm not a cook at all. But the rituals of preparing the food were obviously a lifeline to Edward and a reason to reach out to his friends. Sharing his recipes and cooking also helped Isabel. So I think it was an appropriate device to center the book around.

I think you've hit on something Ellen. The idea of unburdening yourself with an objective person that you trust. And as they say, timing is everything. Their relationship was truly "at the right time" for both of them- a gift really.

I didn't find him sexist either- more of a generational difference. His insistence that she put on more lipstick cracked me up! It reminded me of that great quote from Elizabeth Taylor: “Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together!”

Amy, I also enjoyed the sweetness of this book.
I definitely think the help was mutual; she gave him a reason to remain active, and look forward to planning and making meals for her and she gained a gentle and kind friend who gave her a safe space to heal from the troubles in the rest of her life. A true gift, as Amy says.

Ellen, I like how you reference reflection on one's life with an objective person. I also think this ties in to the quote Amy mentions about stories. I feel that while introducing yourself to someone new you are shaping and contextualizing (and processing?) your own story by how and what you share with someone. Our memories, true and always imperfect to some degree (or at least biased) are how we tell our own story to ourselves and can shape the path on how we move forward through difficult times.

I also agree with you both; I found Edward's manner more of a generational idea rather than sexism. I actually googled Isabel Vincent for images and there are some of her out there with bright lipstick on and that made me smile.

Oh, one other thing! I TOTALLY agree with Edward's comment on communication. I think the more connected we are to devices, the less connected we are to actual people and the effects (good and bad) that active face-to-face interaction provides. Kids these days...

Amy, I enjoyed the book as well. I hate to say I sped through it over the Thanksgiving weekend to make the "deadline". I am pretty sure I will go back in and linger over it.
NYC is interesting. There is always an underlying story connected to why things happen. Politics, money, happenstance. I don't think anything is as planned as might be helpful.
I don't think Edward means to be sexist. I think he is trying to help Isabel be her best. To succeed and feel good about herself. Sometimes we have to appear a certain way to fit in/succeed in a specific environment, like a job for example. We are free to let loose, so to speak, at home.
There are so many layers to this story. Isabel's evolution, her relationship with Edward, her husband, her child. The list goes on...
She revels in the hustle/bustle of NYC and then the tranquility of Long Island. It almost feels like she tries to make the most of wherever she finds herself. I think at the end of the book, the reader doesn't feel it is the end. There is more to Isabel's story and her life/evolution.
There were a few lines that really struck me as I read them. Sadly, I didn't stop to write them down. I'll have to go back in and find them.
All in all, the book was touching.

I never read Tuesdays with Morrie. How does this compare to that?

I have heard of it, but I haven't read "Tuesdays with Morrie." Not sure...

I haven't read that one either.

I LOVE that the author is still wearing her red lipstick!

Near the end of the book I was worried what would happen to Edward. He is still around- there was an interview with Isabel and she said she still has dinner with him.

Did anyone try any of Edward's tips for recipes? I was thinking of trying his "perfect" scrambled eggs...

How nice, I thought they intimated he passed away...
I was thinking I should write down the menus and then try to find the recipes. I am not good on my own... :-)

About the communicating observation, I agree, at least in part. I much prefer in-person, face-to-face conversation. But for certain people, like my Dad (who winters in Florida), and others I don't see that often, e-mail and texting provide an easy way to share news when otherwise that sharing would not happen at all.

So I see today's modes as a mixed blessing. Not good when used face-to-face is possible, but good when used instead of no communication at all.

I totally agree, Ellen, that email and texting are very handy where physical distance is an issue. I was thinking more of how often I see groups of people together, all with faces to screens instead of each other. And I am guilty as well to some degree. I won't use my phone while with people but I feel I reach for it very quickly while walking out the door from work (where I've just been online/at a computer all day) or sitting anywhere for more than a minute. It's become a little too reflexive and I'm trying to break myself of it a bit.

Regarding the recipes, I haven't tried any yet but am also considering his scrambled egg method.

I did read Tuesdays with Morrie many years back and didn't feel any immediately recognizable similarity (although I have a terrible memory). I feel the Morrie book was presented as one person whose health is in serious decline and wants to share what he's learned before he goes with his student. I felt like this was a more natural or balanced friendship where the need and the help flows more obviously both ways.

I really enjoyed this book too. I agree with everything you all have so eloquently stated. I guess I was getting really engrossed in Isabel's story because it sort of shocked me when Edward was having dinner with other people too. Maybe it was the way she presented it, but it seemed weirdly almost like a betrayal. I don't think Isabel saw it that way, or maybe she did a little bit...

I thought about trying the scrambled eggs too. :-)

One more thing to add onto the communication thread: I also think we are experiencing things through the device instead of on its own. Just observations, but at concerts, at touristy areas, etc. I see people looking at the event or place through their device, and not actually engaging with what they are there to experience. I wonder sometimes how that way of engaging will affect memory and stories and feeling- the very thing Edward cherished. Yes, it documents that you were there, but the feeling you had- that seems to me to be what drives memories.

Then again, I still have a flip phone!

Good discussion folks!

We're taking a break for December. The next discussion will be in January. The book is The Golden Sun and Becky will lead the discussion.

Happy Holidays!