The Humour Club discussion

Trying to New Year's Resolution myself into reading Somerset Maugham for the second year in a row got me thinking about books I own but haven't read. "The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire" has been on that list for decades now. What books do others own but haven't read? And be honest - as I've reminded myself lately, you can fool Somerset people some of the time, but you can't fool Maugham.

Joel wrote: "you can fool Somerset people some of the time, but you can't fool Maugham. "

Very nice. :) I'll look through my stack.

I've had Catch 22 on my bedside table for years.

Kurt wrote: "I've had Catch 22 on my bedside table for years."

That book was recently mentioned in a New Yorker article:

http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/201...

Although, that was kinda funny if you meant it to be!

I have probably more than 200 300 books that I haven't read. If I get to 'em, I get to 'em. If not, my kids will have to figure out what to do with them. In the meantime, they are nicely alphabetized on my shelves, and when visitors see them, they assume I must be really smart.

Not that I encourage visitors . . .

I'm a huge fan of Maugham's short stories and have read Catch 22 more times than is probably legal. However, I'm like Melki in that I have a couple hundred unread books in my house. Most of them are best sellers ( Grisham, Patterson, et al) that I keep telling myself I just need to give them a try.

Not a resolution, but as a promise to myself to "get rid of the shit cluttering up this house," I keep trying to give away books. Unfortunately, the ones I'm willing to part with don't seem, to be wanted anywhere.

I don't have as many as Melki, because I've been very good about not buying books (except at the library booksale...oops). But there are probably 3 dozen or more, including Will Durant's Story of Civilization (in 12 volumes), of which I've read maybe 3/4 of one volume, way back when.

I am with Melki on having my books alphabetized. So many books...I give them away whenever I can. I also would look so smart if I ever had company.

Occasionally I open a book, and I am trapped in it from the first paragraph. A friend was out of town, and I went to her house while a repairman was there. I saw she had a bookmark in "Let's pretend this never happened". The first paragraph left me in tears from laughing so hard. I did not put it down until I finished it 8 hours later. When she returned I couldn't wait to talk about the book with her. She said she couldn't finish it because the writer is clearly insane. I need more of those books in my life.

Somewhere in my bookshelves is one that I have had since 1944 and have always found unreadable. It is one of Charles Dickens' famous works. It has a nice binding, and the school crest and motto impressed in gold on the cover. I was given it as a prize in the fifth form, but would really have preferred a book on organic chemistry!

Many books are unreadable. Master and Margherita, Jabberwocky, anything by Ayn Rand. The list goes on and on...and we struggle to find our readers as writers.

It took me five tries to get past page 15 of "A Farewell to Arms", but I've now read it several times. But Hemingway took some getting used to for me.

I'm a big fan of cheap bookcases. It's the only way to afford keeping my collection off the floor.

Non-fiction seems to collect the most dust without reading. I'll get interested in a subject at the bookstore, but interest wanes on the way home. And some are even quite tantalizing. I have an old copy of Nymphos and Other Maniacs on which I have yet to turn a page. Ergo, I consider them reference books and don't feel as bad.

Joel wrote: "It took me five tries to get past page 15 of "A Farewell to Arms", but I've now read it several times. But Hemingway took some getting used to for me."

Haven't read A Farewell to Arms Joel. I liked The Old Man and the Sea, but struggled somewhat with For Whom the Bell Tolls.

Jay wrote: "I'm a big fan of cheap bookcases. It's the only way to afford keeping my collection off the floor.

Non-fiction seems to collect the most dust without reading. I'll get interested in a subject at t..."

Nymphos and Other Maniacs does sound rather tantalising.

I own two Stephen King's — 11/22/63 & IT which I have never read. I am tempted, but they are so long. And several books by Dan Brown people bought me as presents. Those I will never read.

Guy wrote: "I own two Stephen King's — 11/22/63 & IT which I have never read. I am tempted, but they are so long. And several books by Dan Brown people bought me as presents. Those I will never read."

I've been to many a charity book sale where there are entire tables of Dan Brown books.

Joel wrote: "Kurt wrote: "I've had Catch 22 on my bedside table for years."

That book was recently mentioned in a New Yorker article:

http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/201...

Althoug..."

The real funny thing is that also in the pile under Catch-22 is Tropic of Cancer.

Joel wrote: "It took me five tries to get past page 15 of "A Farewell to Arms", but I've now read it several times. But Hemingway took some getting used to for me."

I've had an alternating love-hate relationship with Hemmingway over the years. First he depressed the hades out of me in Jr. High (Old Man and the Sea). Then I fell in love with his Nick Adams stories. Then I got a little more sophisticated and recognized his misogyny. That's pretty much where it stopped, though I can recognize his skill as a wordsmith. I just don't want to read him anymore.

Kurt wrote: "The real funny thing is that also in the pile under Catch-22 is Tropic of Cancer."

Which I've also read. Henry Miller, like Oscar Wilde, is another writer whose word crafting makes me swoon.

Funny thing: years ago, while on a road trip up the California coast, I stopped by the Henry Miller Library in Big Sur. It's more like a shrine to him than anything else. I'm not sure what I expected to find. But whatever it was, I didn't find it. Instead, I learned the man loved to play table tennis. It seemed so anticlimactic.

A book I have read tens of times, and which I would recommend ardently to you as an example of clever, wicked, brilliantly crafted, innovative literary humour is 'The Best of Myles', which is a collection of extracts from a daily newspaper column in The Irish Times, written by Myles na gCopleen (the name is a pseudonym of Flann O'Brien, which in turn was a pseudonym of Brian O'Nolan).

It includes a series of articles on 'buchandlung', a service offered by his (fictional) union of artists for people who are very rich and have libraries full of books they never read. Rather than appearing ignorant, your millionaire can pay Myles' team to come in and handle the books to make them appear to have been read. The service is offered in various grades, at increasing levels of cost. The 'Handling Delux', for example, ensures that each of your books is handled by a senior handler with no fewer than 300 book-handling hours of experience; at least six pages in each volume are dog-eared, and erudite critical comments are pencilled in the margins.

The recollection has prompted me (this instant as I type) to offer an analogous service. Has it been a long time since you commented wittily on the Humour Club discussion board? Do you no longer have the time for it? Are other members starting to PM each other about the infrequency and mediocracy of your posts? In that case my new blog-posting service will be just the thing.
For a modest subscription- and the loan of your login credentials- I will write wittily felicitous posts under your name, startling and delighting your fellow Humour Club members with your incisive and innovate display of intellectual mischievousness.
Prices for the service are graded to suit every pocket, according to the number, length and originality of the posts to be made on your behalf.
For a small premium, I will reply to each of the posts I make under your name, with responses such as 'Bravo, Lisa! I have been thinking of leaving the Humour Club, but your contributions have transformed it into the best discussion group on the net'.

Limited places are available, so beat the rush and book now.

Marco wrote: "...For a modest subscription- and the loan of your login credentials- I will write wittily..."

What if the person subscribing is only a half-wit? Do they get a discount?

Of course. We offer services to suit every pocket and IQ. Certified half-wits can purchase authentically half-witty posts for half price. To qualify for the discount one must produce a physician's note or other documentary evidence of imbecility (eg voting record, receipt for purchase of Dan Brown book, etc).

Stuart wrote: ". . . right beside the unread copy of the complete works of Shakespeare."

Wow - I have one of those, too!

I have a bunch of unread cookbooks. Do those count? I keep buying them because they sound so interesting. But whenever I pull one out, it's never anything I want.

Stuart wrote: "Wow - I have one of those, too!"

This is where we need a 'like' button after a message.
There's no need for an actual reply to the message but you want to let the person know you've read and appre..."

Yes! A like button would be spectacular. I feel badly when I sit here nodding at someone's comment (or laughing at a funny picture they posted) then scrolling right by because you're all (ie. y'all?) going to get sick of me if I comment on everything. Makes me feel like a peeping tom, instead of an appreciative reader when I just scroll!

Lisa wrote: "I have a bunch of unread cookbooks. Do those count? I keep buying them because they sound so interesting. But whenever I pull one out, it's never anything I want."

I got so sick of donating cookbooks to the library every time I moved that I now borrow cookbooks from the library instead of buying them myself. I photocopy the one or two recipes that I want to try and then give the damned book back to the library. So I have 2 binders of recipes, instead of an entire kitchen crammed with cookbooks.

I'm probably going to be copying a few recipes and donating most of my cookbooks, aside from the ones for backpacking, and a couple where I use a LOT of recipes. I already have the binder. Two, in fact.

And I've read almost all the plays and over half the poems in my Complete Shakespeare :) Though not anytime in the last quarter century.

Stuart wrote: "Brenda wrote: "...now I borrow cookbooks from the library"

That's a good idea. I've bought cookbooks for one particular recipe before and then never tried any of the others.
Cooking dinner for fri..."

Agreed! The nice thing about the photocopied recipes is that they don't take up very much space on the counter when I pull them out of the binder (plus then I never have to wrestle a cookbook flat so it won't turn the pages on me as soon as I turn my back - urgh!).

I'm still no closer to picking up anything by Maugham, even though that's been my New Year's resolution twice now. Maybe I'll just watch the movies, if TCM ever goes back to showing anything before 1980.

Thinking of reaching out to Maugham on Mother's Day. Though I'll probably forget to do that, too.

Kurt wrote: "I've had Catch 22 on my bedside table for years."

Catch 22? Me too. Then again, I've got an excuse: my copy's in Russian.

I have a "Books I can't bear to read" shelf of books I will read (I swear). Pale King (unfinished, makes me sad to read), A Jordan novella (also sad), a new book by Kingslover (I know it cant be as good as her last book.
As soon as I get some free time, consider them read.

Never read books that are sad. That is true of any oprah pick. People who write sad books are cruel. Maya Angelou wrote about sad things in a nonchalant way that was okay, but some writers are obnoxious about their wounds. Throw out the books on the sad shelf.

Brena wrote: "Never read books that are sad. That is true of any oprah pick. People who write sad books are cruel. Maya Angelou wrote about sad things in a nonchalant way that was okay, but some writers are obno..."

Kind of glad to hear someone else saying this! I can handle sad books if they end with some sense of hope and light. But so many nowadays seem to revel in being hopeless. So maybe that's my issue: not sad books, but hopeless ones. If life's a bitch and then you die, I'd rather go read some juvenile fantasy novels.

The books aren't sad. but their authors died too young and looking at the books makes me sad. Reading them means admitting I know theyre the last ones

Most of the authors I read are dead. It's a bummer if you're waiting on a sequel.

Joel wrote: "Most of the authors I read are dead. It's a bummer if you're waiting on a sequel."

Word

Rebecca wrote: "Brena wrote: "Never read books that are sad. That is true of any oprah pick. People who write sad books are cruel. Maya Angelou wrote about sad things in a nonchalant way that was okay, but some wr..."

I totally agree. I can't stand sad hopeless books. I'm in the Melki category. My bookshelves are so overloaded they're sagging in the middle. Every time I see a book at the library for sale that looks interesting I buy it, 'cause the price is right! The one that sticks out is James Joyce, "The Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man" I read part of it for school and actually was enjoying it, but never even got halfway and faked a book report on it. I have since purchased it with the intention of finishing it. Someday...

Melki wrote: "I have probably more than 200 300 books that I haven't read. If I get to 'em, I get to 'em. If not, my kids will have to figure out what to do with them. In the meantime, they are nicely alphabetiz..."
As someone with a growing number of un-read books, I find that statement very reassuring. I feel guilty whenever I look at them.

Joel wrote: "Most of the authors I read are dead. It's a bummer if you're waiting on a sequel."
No kidding!

Charitha wrote: "As someone with a growing number of un-read books, I find that statement very reassuring. I feel guilty whenever I look at them."

Never, NEVER feel guilty about books. Shoes, maybe . . . but never books!

Some months ago I bought a second-hand copy of a history book. I was amused to notice the imprint of a ball-point pen on the soft cover. The previous owner had evidently put a sheet of notepaper on the book and then written, very firmly in Large Caps:

STOP SENDING ME
ANY MORE BOOKS

Martin wrote: "...The previous owner had evidently put a sheet of notepaper on the book and then written, very firmly in Large Caps:
STOP SENDING ME ANY MORE BOOKS..."

Very relatable. I had a similar experience with a book club. They had a nice offer, but the books that arrived were bound by a two-year-old. To resign from the club, theoretically, all one had to do was send them a letter, which I did. However, the books kept coming. I sent another letter with the red ink notation:
SECOND NOTICE -- PLEASE HAND THIS TO SOMEONE WHO CAN READ.

Thereafter, the books stopped coming for some reason or other.

I'm curious about something: How many of you e-readers load your devices with books and never get around to reading them? Also, how many have loads of books on their devices, but still pick up a paperback?

Joel wrote: "I'm curious about something: How many of you e-readers load your devices with books and never get around to reading them? Also, how many have loads of books on their devices, but still pick up a pa..."

Guilty. I have a small library of eBooks and books available, which I actually find quite comforting. What strange alchemy causes a particular eBook or book to make that athletic leap to the top of the 'To Read' pile may be considered one of the grand mysteries of the universe. Much like, 'Why do toddlers prefer hot dogs to steak?'

Joel wrote: "I'm curious about something: How many of you e-readers load your devices with books and never get around to reading them? Also, how many have loads of books on their devices, but still pick up a pa..."

I get most of my books from the library, so not too much of this. OTOH, when people are giving books away, I tend to grab them, but may not get to reading them for a long time, because the library books have to be read before they expire.

I am trying very hard indeed not to pick up any real books, after the lengthy and painful task of sorting and packing our collection.

Rebecca wrote: "Joel wrote: "I'm curious about something: How many of you e-readers load your devices with books and never get around to reading them? Also, how many have loads of books on their devices, but still..."

That's a bit like dieting. It may last for a little while, but acquiring books is forever!

Joel wrote: "I'm curious about something: How many of you e-readers load your devices with books and never get around to reading them? Also, how many have loads of books on their devices, but still pick up a pa..."

I must have hundreds of books loaded onto my Kindle. The worst thing about an e-reader is there is NOTHING to remind you of what titles you have waiting to be read. Occasionally, I flip through, and WRITE DOWN ON PAPER all the books I want to get to soon. I'm sure there's a more tech-savvy way of doing that, but so far, it's been working.

Melki wrote: "I'm sure there's a more tech-savvy way of doing that..."

Absolutely! Amazon, Google and others offer cloud-based, intelligent personal assistants who can handle this job for you. Simply spend the next year or six writing the appropriate program, then say aloud, "Alexa, read all of the eBooks that I haven't gotten to yet, organize them, and make recommendations according to my personal preferences."

Of course, once you sell your exciting new Kindle organizing program for the big bucks, you'll be able to hire a real, live personal assistant and, being just so disgustingly wealthy, you won't even talk to Alexa or any of us little people anymore as you jet off to lunch with Bill and Melinda Gates.

Oh, Melki, we miss you already!

I love to have lots of books, both paperback and ebooks. Getting around to reading them from the dizzying top of the TBR pile is a completely different story. But it's good to have choices...