Our Shared Shelf discussion

I feel the same way.

Told a friend about me reading this book and they said I was being extremely inappropriate. How is it inappropriate?? It's your anatomy!

The selection of the word in the title and its reaction is deliberate. Supporting the content; women use the name of their sex organ and it causes discomfort.

Both Women and men reacting that way had been used by many of the contributors to underline the thrust of their argument.

We should ask why words associated with women's issues cause such unease in society. I believe it is because of a reluctance to face its inherent sexism.

It's a common expression "have balls" when one needs to show that they have courage to do something.
I say, "I have a vagina".
I'm a very vocal person and people around me are used to me and I guess many are intimidated too so tbh, I have never faced a problem and I live in quite a conservative society. But if someone will have a problem...that'll be their problem and they better deal with it. I don't give a right to anyone to dictate me. I choose my words myself and if someone has a problem...tough shit. Deal with it or stay away.
I so want to read this book. I so want all my friends to read it. I'm trying to find it but it's not available in my city

I haven't read the book, but maybe you can convince them by saying that they shouldn't judge the book by its cover/title ;)

Ross wrote: "The selection of the word in the title and its reaction is deliberate. Supporting the content; women use the name of their sex organ and it causes discomfort..."

You mean you'd be totally interested to read a book if it was called "The penis monologues"?
I mean, sorry, but I wouldn't exactly expect any high brow content from either title - more something you're likely to hear on a drunk night from your pub neighbour.

I think feminism in general is an uncomfortable topic. I remember once there were these women at the train station wearing white pants stained with "period" blood. It made people uncomfortable, not necessarily because of the way it was presented, but rather because of the idea itself - that women have periods. Despite being a natural function, women feel ashamed of their periods, just ask any thirteen year old girl trying to buy tampons.

Similarly, the word "vagina" makes women uncomfortable. It requires a conscious effort to see through the word and want to understand more. For your family and friends, the idea of reading The Vagina Monologues is probably the equivalent of seeing those women at the train station - they feel ashamed. You have to find a way to minimise that shame before they can read the book.

For me, the person who minimised that shame was Emma. I would never have read the book if she had not suggested it. Like your family and friends, I thought it was a crazy feminist book but somehow she normalised it and made it seem okay. I know that doesn't help your situation but I just wanted to share my experience.

Gerd wrote: "wouldn't exactly expect any high brow content from either title - more something you're likely to hear on a drunk night from your pub neighbour"

That is precisely the point Gerd why would you not expect high brow as you call it. The cultural significance of simple sex organs particularly for women is indectaive of how there are treated as something to be ashamed about.

Countering these invalid views are why the title and the contents of the anthology were selected. In 2017 such titles should be no diffrent than any other words used.

I said it before in jest but penis monologues would not happen because men shape the world there issues predominate in culture already. Reference to the penis are everywhere with little or no shame.

I'm interested in reading it, but none of our libraries carry it.

Unfortunately anyone who is put off by the word vagina absolutely NEEDS to read this book! Perhaps suggest a different book that could warm them up to the idea of being informed about important women's issues?

Ross wrote: "That is precisely the point Gerd why would you not expect high brow as you call it. The cultural significance of simple sex organs particularly for women is indectaive of how there are treated as something to be ashamed about.

Countering these invalid views are why the title and the contents of the anthology were selected. In 2017 such titles should be no diffrent than any other words used..."

Not sure I can follow your line of thought there, although I do guess it makes sense in puritan nations like the Americas.

I had to go get my car fixed so I brought the book The Vagina Monologues with me to read. I'm not going to lie I was a little nervous to open the book in front of other customers who were also waiting for their car to be fixed. Nonetheless I began reading and saw some of them giving me the side eye, but I continued to read till my car was fixed. I ended up reading it in a day and a half, and was comfortable enough to put on social media to all my friends, encouraging them to read this book.

I still don't know if any of them has tired to read it, but I did find out that my closest friend of 18 years has read it and did the play! I think when it comes to a book like this you just have to let them ease into the idea of reading a book with the word Vagina on it.

Get an aesthetic person (male or female) to pass the book around, that will definitely convince a good load of people to read it.

I was reading this at a coffee shop and this woman looks at my book and goes "I would never peg someone like you to be reading something like that", and I said "Normally, someone like me wouldn't be, but I am". She then asked what I thought of it so far, and I told her, "the artistic element is interesting. I feel as if the writer is just screaming out the word vagina at me every other sentence - it's distracting. I'm like, are you doing this on purpose lady? Cut it out! Cut it out! I can't focus on what the characters are saying." She then agreed that the characters are rather detailed. Then I told her I found the hair monologue kind of weird, like why a guy would care that much about her shaving or not. The woman replied with, "well to some it looks better and it's easier to go down, if you do go down..."

I nodded and told her I do, and with or without hair, it doesn't make me enjoy it any less. She was like "really?" And I'm like "yeah, because I'm too busy enjoying it to notice stupid stuff like that, which is why I found that part unrealistic."

I'm saying if you talk to people about it, as in talk with them (not at them), I think that's a good way to convince someone to read it, because you're sharing what you enjoy with someone. Kind of like what Ms Watson does with you all right?

Not that I'm saying I enjoyed the book, I'm still on the fence but.. you know what I mean.

I have to admit I was put off by it at first. I put off buying it because of the title. I couldn't find it in a book store and went to several asking people there to help me. I felt uncomfortable saying "vagina" when I gave them the title and kind of whispered it. Eventually I gave up and bought it on my nook, but it was eye opening to find myself ashamed by that since I tend to be rather open and am no stranger to making people uncomfortable. Who knew buying a book would teach me about myself?

I'm a little over half way through this book. I must say. I never thought I would enjoy reading it as much as I am. I can't wait to get home of a night after work and get my boy to bed so I have an hour or two (or three ) to read. It certainly put me out of my comfort zone to even buy this book but I am so grateful that it has. My eyes and mind have been opened and I can't wait to read more books in this genre. Thank you!!

Seems the lession here is that we have a long way to go when educated intelligent people can't be persuaded to read an important work because the title contains the common name form the medical description of the female sex organ.

to qoute a sign form the march,. I can't belive we still have to protest the S**T in 2017.

if people are resitant put a cover on the book and request they read it. push back people, judging books and there cover and all that, if platitudes are there thing.

if you can get one person who is resitant to read one story even if they hate it imagne how that would feel... like an achievement because that is what it will be.

We want a time when no one would mind reading a book with that title and no one would have to call it that in the first place.

If there was a book called "The Penis Monologues" it would be satire, not taken seriously and most likely just some book pointing out at something else....

where this book literally is monologues about a vagina...

Also this book is meant for its target audience, Feminists, it isn't and wasn't written for everyone.

Don't understand the 'surprise' element here why not everyone wants to read it.

Eternal wrote: "If there was a book called "The Penis Monologues" it would be satire, not taken seriously and most likely just some book pointing out at something else....

where this book literally is monologues..."

Do you really think this book was only written for people already calling themselves feminists? I'm just curious, because although it definitely is a work that is important and interesting for feminists, I'm pretty sure that Eve Ensler also (or maybe even especially) had the people in mind, who do not normally engage with these topics. It's meant to inform and empower people and I would say, that it's therefore the most valuable for people who aren't already feminists with (in some cases) lots of knowledge. I mean it was often shown on college campuses and I suppose the performances usually attracted a lot of different people and not only a couple of convinced feminists. Maybe it wasn't always their idea and they were persuaded by feminists to come to the show - who knows really - but the fact is that it definitely has been a goal to make people more aware of the female sexuality, the stigma surrounding it and also of the violence many women have to face. It wouldn't make sense to only educate people who already know a lot, but rather to raise awareness among people who are still pretty clueless about all that is happening. That's why I wouldn't say that the target audience has always just been people who already are convinced feminists. I mean it's not a deeply complicated essay on feminism, but rather something everyone should be able to understand and to connect with, at least to a certain degree.

I also don't really believe that "feminists" is such a limited/narrow term (in lack of a better expression). Shouldn't it be considered a rather fluent one? Since it's not like it's decided at birth who is going to be a feminist later in life, but people could become feminists at every point of their lives and possibly even after seeing or reading the play?

Moreover, I would say that if there is a surprise element, then it might rather be that so many feminists - who often are quite educated and growing up way different than e.g. people 60 or 70 years ago (obviously) - still feel so embarrassed to read it or talk about it.
I don't think many people here are actually surprised that not everyone is immediately like „A book called The Vagina Monologues? Totally normal, I would love to read that!" After all, this thread is about how one could possibly change the way in which others perceive the work, mostly based on the title alone, in order to get them to read this great play.
I'm just quickly writing this down without totally thinking it through, so I hope it makes sense.

Reading the views here, has made me more determined to read this book, if i can find it. The comments written here are so true and Jules makes a great point that the author probably didn't set out just for feminists to read this work but for people to open their minds and to read works that show different view points and maybe embrace them too.

p.s. if i can at least convince one of my friends to read this with me too i think it might start a discussion and then hopefully we can convince more friends to read it too.

I felt a bit ashamed about ordering it at the library, but internet saved me and I reserved it online. Nevertheless, when the librarian gave it to me blushed reading the title (he's sooo shy).
Fortunately, I'm happy to have read this powerful book, facing my natural prudery about this issue.

Gerd wrote: "Ross wrote: "That is precisely the point Gerd why would you not expect high brow as you call it. The cultural significance of simple sex organs particularly for women is indectaive of how there are..."

I guess this is where cultural differences really show themselves :)

I can't think of a single person in Denmark (or northern Europe really) who'd be uncomfortable with the word 'vagina'. Or with a book about vaginas for that matter.

Roxy wrote: "Unfortunately anyone who is put off by the word vagina absolutely NEEDS to read this book! Perhaps suggest a different book that could warm them up to the idea of being informed about important wom..."

I completely agree! I have to some extent, always been a feminist. I believe in equal rights for women but because of my own views that everyone IS equal, I've never really seen the inequality for real. Until recently. That's why I've just started to explore feminism, feminist books, websites etc and came across The Vagina Monologues.

I'd heard of it before, but had never had a desire to read it. I felt like this was a good toe in the water so read the book (well, listened to the audio book) and I'm so glad I did!

It made me realise I was actually uncomfortable with the word 'vagina'. Which is crazy - it's just a word, and all women have one! I went to an all girls Catholic school and we were taught to be ladies. Which included not talking about anything 'vulgar'. Which is also crazy! To be raised and educated surrounded by strong, powerful women but to not talk about the female anatomy just doesn't make sense!

Anyway, my point is, I was put off by the word and then after reading this book, I've realised it's just a word!

I definitely paused when considering to buy this book - all I could think about was reading it in public. It made me sit back and think was I hesitating because it would embarrass me or embarrass others and then, why should it cause embarrassment at all? There is absolutely nothing embarrassing about women's bodies and I bought the book that day and can't wait to read it proudly regardless if it makes others uncomfortable or not.

I think it is a process. I first hear of the plays /book when I was in my four ties. my husband was appalled.

I first saw the play when I was in my forties, probably twenty years ago. I recall that the college who presented it put all kinds of warnings about the language in the flyer and program. In the early 2000's, my daughter's college did a great production for V-day. I was so happy to see all the male students and faculty who came out. Things are changing, and we just have to keep putting the information out there. My daughter bought me a tee shirt that year that said I Love Vaginas. I still wear the shirt and I was so touched that she felt comfortable getting it for me. I am saddened that many on this thread have parents who would not approve of a book with the word vagina in the title. If we all share with at least our closest friends, perhaps it will help to normalize discussions and writings about our bodies and our sexuality. Also as parents, when the time comes, learn to talk about sexuality, gender and our bodies, objectification, early. If your parent did not do it, practice. We must raise children who have positive attitudes about their bodies. They will be more confident, respectful and protective of the rights of all.

I am a wealthy, well-educated, white man, and my copy has the title in big letters. I never thought twice about reading it in public. That's what privilege feels like. Like just being yourself and doing what you want without fear that anyone will judge you for it. It's a wonderful thing, and I wish everyone had it.

I'm not going to lie. When I heard that the Vagina Monologues was this bimonthly books, I felt uncomfortable. I was worried that my parents would see my Amazon order for the book or what my roommates thought as I read it. Basically I was afraid of being judge and people of having some preconceived notion about me because of this book. I kept having this uncomfortable feeling deep down inside. But I knew the fact that I felt this way is the exact reason why I need to read this book. Reading this book is one step towards continuing this fight. I knew the first step in changing society's mind was changing mine. And I am so glad that I did! I feel more educated on the topic and feel a little bit liberated because I feel comfortable saying vagina out in public now. I'm going to give my copy to my sister who is just beginning her feminist journey so she too can feel liberated.

While I don't have any tips on how to convince people to read this book, I do think that if you can get at least one person to read it and change their mind, you are taking a step forward in the long battle ahead of us.

I am so sick of all the stereotypes that do not even allow us to say a word of anatomy aloud!Like if it is okay when we say stomach or leg but it is completely inappropriate if we say vagina?I am embarassed that at least in my country you can't dare to say the word "vagina" even in english.If I am completely honest it took me great courage to ask my mum to buy it. That book ,without even reading it ,shows only by its very smart title the stereotypes that exist on something as physical as anatomy...

Julie wrote: "I'm not going to lie. When I heard that the Vagina Monologues was this bimonthly books, I felt uncomfortable. I was worried that my parents would see my Amazon order for the book or what my roommat..."I agree so much with you...I felt the exactly same way.But you are right.We cannoy fight it unless we read the book.

I didn't expect to get the reactions I've been getting when I mention this book. To me discussing anatomy in any sense is perfectly fine even with my parents and family members... but most of the time I can definitely feel a weird tension when I mention the Vagina Monologues... I want others to read it, but sadly most seem so closed off to the idea that I fear it won't happen...

I can see the issue. Not sure how I'd feel walking into Waterstones and asking them if they've got a copy of 'The Vagina Monologues'! Not sure if it would be worse asking a 20 something girl, a more mature woman or a bloke. Whoever was serving, it would feel a bit weird. Maybe the title would have made a better subtle subtitle. I don't think it's a feminist thing though. I'd be equally uncomfortable asking for a book called 'Penis Rants'. :P

Martyn Stanley
The Last Dragon Slayer

That would seem to be the point of the title highlighting reluctance to discuss female issues even using female biology in public.

Emma ( T Clement) why not ask your question to the author if someome has not already. Emma is going to interview Eve soon.

Also a question do you think the same phenomena is at play in the debate of women breastfeeding In public. A natural event as old as our species and still a cause of controversy.

Ross wrote: "Also a question do you think the same phenomena is at play in the debate of women breastfeeding In public. A natural event as old as our species and still a cause of controversy...."

Now, that really seems strange, to say the least, because if women did it in front of a webcam (breastfeeding* I mean, not "it"), people would want to watch at the millions, and willingly pay for it.


*and for all I could know some actually might

@Gerd which serves to illustrate my point women should be free to do this necessary and natural act without fear anywhere once that is in place what does the internet porn reaction matter. When does it ever really.

If men can't behave maturely at the glimpse of a woman's beast that is there problem not the mothers.

It's not that "vagina" is a dirty word, i'm sure most would also feel uncomfortable about reading a book with "penis" in the title.
Lot's of people (I would say more the older generation) think that words and books like that should be read privately, it's not my view - but it's just the way they have been brought up not to speak about such things publicly.

I was really shocked by the reactions I got to reading this book in public or talking about it. It's a well known book, nearly everyone has at least heard of it. Even requesting it at the library earned me some strange glances from other patrons. There is a performance of The Vagina Monologues at the end of the month that I'd really like to see, but I'm not sure who to ask to go with me if just carting the book around makes people this twitchy and uncomfortable.

I deliberately read mine on the tube did start some conversations which in that environment of commuting is an achievement in its self. Over all response was positive. Most people when they actually thought about it were not that bothered.

Maybe we could get the author to do a books in the underground and leave free copies about desensitized people to the foolish prejudice.

I had two problems with this book, and they are kind the same problems.

1)I'm a REALLY public reader, I read in lines (supermarket, banks). Always have a book with me in the case I need to await. So when the book arrived I had five seconds of thinking "would I read this book in public?", something I never felt. And it was because of the word "vagina", and then, I felt Sorry for myself. If I don't feel confortable reading the book in public because of the word "vagina" I have really deeper issues than I though I had. So I had all this pep talk with myself, it was basically "it is a part of your body, you can't feel ashamed for a part of your body". I really felt bad about myself because of this. It was nothing, just a word that doesn't mean something disgusting. Well, just to finish, I didn't read the book in public but it wasn't beacuse of the title (even though I'm form a non-English speaking country. Vagina is Vagina in my mother lenguage), It is a small book! Ease to read! Couple of hours, at home, hiding in my bedroom, reading with a flashlight (joking).

2) The second problem was the fame of the book, I don't know it is a good definition. But the only thing I could think was Jenna Maroney in 30 Rock, telling that exist a second V-day, where all the famous people who were never invited to do the vagina monologues did a performace for the homeless people. Against their will. And I think that is part of the problem of recomending this book, it became biggest than itself. Everyone that I told that I read this book recently looked at me with a face that say "I thought you didn't read this kind of crap". No one asked if I liked the book, it was always a dead silence.

I think that this all off the comfort zone, it is part of the book. You get cought in a weird journey of buying it (I was sure that would have this book in portugueses, I couldn't find, not even a used copy, then I tried to import, and failed again, the store couldn't find the book!), reading it, and recommend it. You learn buy doing it, and it is rare when a book have this kind of commotion and it is relevant. And, in the end of the day, it is a fantastic book.

The truth is I really enjoyed it but felt guilty about it. For some reason in some cultures, we are convinced that it's only a biological part and nothing more. I was raised to accept all the parts of my body, yet I felt ashamed reading it. And the porn community made things even worse than before. I mean, guys who enjoy sex are heroea but women who do the exact same thing are whores. How is this equality?

It is not Olga-flupi, which us why we have feminism.

I have to admit, I am a little behind. I have been busy at work and have not been able to start this book just yet.

Prior to reading it though, I was discussing this book with someone. They perused it and read a portion of one of the monologues. Then, we discussed the premise.

He wondered what the reaction would be to a "Penis Monologues". In my opinion, the male reproductive organ is seen as far more accepted than the female. For example, you see plenty of people drawing penises on paper, walls, etc. than people drawing vaginas. People are also a lot more comfortable talking about things that happen to the male body, in my experience, than say a woman having her period.

I'd love others thoughts :)

interesting. I love all the comments! It's interesting to see what society does to us. In my home I truly hated all the nicknames I was taught to use for vagina. Now that I have a daughter I taught her to call it a vagina. She is only 3 but to be honest outside of home I still cringe when she refers to it- very loudly like when she proclaims "my vagina itches"! I also feel proud for her matter of fact tone and her innocence. I hope she can always just refer to it as any common body part.

I am currently reading it and I must say I am enjoying it. This book may just be my favourite Our Shared Shelf book....Yeah, I know I'm behind.

Interesting side bar Naomi Wolf autobiography is called Vagina

I read the book on January this year, when I joint the community of #oursharedshelf. It was the first book I read as part of this community, and today it is the first time I comment on the blog.
I loved the book, it was very unexpected! I admit it that for me, everything that has to do with sex and sexual organs makes me shy. I am an introvert person who does not like to share what I consider as 'intimacy' with others. But after reading this book, I realized that the vagina is a part of us as our hair is, and why are not we ashamed of talking about haircuts but we are about our vagina?
People laughed at me when I told them that I joined a feminist book club and I was reading 'The Vagina Monologues', as if I was crazy. After reading the book I returned to them telling them how it made me laugh, it surprised me with some facts, it made me say 'eeech' and it made me sad. I returned to them telling them that it was a very interesting book and that everybody should read it.

What is the appropriate age to read this?

Due to Western discomfort with sexual topics, saying "vagina" in educated company is still somewhat taboo. It's unfortunate, but I've found that I will still get a more negative reaction when I use the term "feminist" than when I say "vagina." Vaginas are 100% natural, and I believe that it's also natural to want equality and understanding. I think that I would tell someone that having a vagina is nothing to be ashamed of, and neither is reading this book. It's worth the odd looks that you get!

I was super stoked when I found a perfect copy of this book at my local thrift shop (think someone around me is in the OSS group - I also found Half The Sky there!)

I consider myself a feminist, but was still nervous about reading it in public - which I do often.

I started it in a public space and my waitress asked "what are you reading?" I was a little embarrassed when I told/showed her. But she was SO STOKED that I was reading it - she was a sociology major and was a big fan - after that encounter I read it with pride in public!