it's personal discussion

So...this is my first journal post.... >.< I guess I'll start off by saying a bit about myself? Sorry if it's boring. I'm sort of boring, so I wouldn't be surprised

If anyone wants to comment on this, I don't mind ^-^ Just try to keep the outside chat to a minimum since I don't want it to get too cluttered. If you want to chat with your friends, kindly take it elsewhere ;) Unless that person is me, of course haha

Anyway~

➜ I am an eighteen year old Christian girl who probably speaks too bluntly for her own good. My birthday is October 6th, if anyone cares haha.

➜ I am a former homeschooled volleyball player turned college-kid/IT nerd. Web and software design, if anyone's wondering.

➜ I love sports, particularly volleyball, basketball and football.

➜ I also love music! Any type really, so long as it's not explicit. Personally, I play the piano, am trying to learn guitar and wish to learn the drums. The Phantom of the Opera is my favorite musical, and if you ask my best friend, he'll tell you I went through a phase of watching it like every other week and it's true. Still, I like a range of music: From stuff like opera to rap, to hip-hop, to Spongebob. Music from anime and Vocaloid is most of what I listen to, due to the variety in it.

➜ I'm a big fan of old cars! My dream car is an old blue impala with rust stains.... But that's probably never going to happen, hence "dream".

➜ I've always been an aspiring author/screenwriter, but my mind has always been so scatterbrained that I can never finish anything. So there's like, 20 something different stories/books started that will probably never get finished. Especially since I'm considering trying a new one...

➜ I am a great lover of movies! If anyone has recommendations, please give them to me because I need ideas. I've tapped out every resource I can think of thus far. Most recently, I finished watching the Harry Potter movies (view spoiler)[Totally squealed when Neville turned out the hero, he's my favorite (hide spoiler)], the Mortal Instruments movie and Becoming Jane.

➜ I also love watching anime. My dad started me off young, but I only remember watching like, one episode of Full Metal Alchemist. My first anime that I can remember then, is Hetalia. Then Fairy Tail... I've watched a lot of different series by now, and I've found I like either action, (whatever Durarara is) and reverse-harem. Don't ask unless you want me to gush and fangirl, kay ;).

➜ I'm a very active roleplayer....somehow. Up to this point, I've made about two hundred characters, but I would have to go back and recount. It's somewhere around that number.

➜ That being said, I'm a huge grammar nazi. This does not mean, however, that everything I say will make sense. Because most of the time the words don't come out of my head right. So, my apologies to anyone whom I have severely confused somewhere along the way.

➜ I have a tendency to put myself down and question myself. Basically, I get pretty depressed sometimes, so there may or may not be a good deal of posts where I'm sighing because I still have never had a boyfriend or a job or etc. Just so everyone knows what they're getting into. Otherwise, I like to think I'm a pretty cheerful and random person.

So yeah.....you've all been warned! Proceed with caution or.....you're probably going to get yourself into something that you're not prepared for. If anything I post here changes your opinion of me, I'm very sorry that you've probably been wrong about me this whole time. But this is who I am, and I'm not going to change for anyone! ^-^

I like music too. Especially the Dragon Ball Super music that I found is awesome XD Also Hi Sera. Couldn't resist posting in here XD

Hi Cynthia haha :)

So, first entry in my journal: It's Monday. The worst day of the week for me because I volunteer in an awful library for three hours. But my day sucks and I haven't even gone there. I woke up with a headache and very little sleep. Then as soon as I get on GR, I'm pelted with stupid questions from people who obviously didn't read the descriptions that I previously wrote out. Math class has been the highlight of my day....so congrats people who have asked stupid questions this morning. I applaud you. Thank you so much for making sitting in a classroom the best part of my day so far. *slow claps*

☣ ᕮɱƿՐ૯ςς S૯Րค ☣ wrote: "Hi Cynthia haha :)"

XD Sorry I was tempted to comment.

That's fine, I don't mind XD

SERA!!

Hey Kavy :)

How are you??

Stressed and agitated by the whole day thus far, as stated in my journal entry.

Second entry of the day! Part two of this Monday: After my brief rant, things actually went better. I went to the library, where there's normally a lot of super rude people who don't pay attention to their surroundings, talk on the phone, talk to each other very loudly, curse like sailors, leave the sound of their computer on, all sorts of things that you're NOT supposed to do in the library. Also, there's this really creepy guy who flirts with me and makes me feel very uncomfortable because he'll just stand and stare at me.

Anyway, that's how it normally is, but today there was only people studying! The library was quiet and no one was rude, and the creepy guy wasn't there. It reminded me why I like volunteering in a library. I got cookies, got to learn a new task, and it was great!

In fact, I was fine until it came dinner time when I realized that I have a bad headache and was too nauseous to eat very much. Now I'm...somewhat less nauseous but still have the headache.

Overview of today: I went to an estuarium and ended up getting a little plastic baby turtle still half in it's shell. Then I found out that my sister has a top-ten list of guys she wants me to marry, but won't tell me who they are unless I guess! Only one of them were fictional....she thinks lol and the one at the top of the list is my best friend! I laughed so hard. It's funny because just last night he said he shipped me with potassium, which is hilarious and I could totally tell the story if anyone cared, but not without saying he ships me with him first! No comment on that.

Then I got my allergy shots at the pediatrician's office. So many babies >.< and their mama's were talking about shots! :( Poor things. I played Pokemon while I waited and totally lost to my rival -_- But he came when I only had two living Pokemon!!

Nearing the finish of the day just like I started it: With a headache. I blame my stupid new pillow.

Today must be a medicine day, I got some too :P

I don't like medicine >~< I just live with my headaches. The only thing I'll break down and take something for is stomach cramps.

I don't like the medicine I got, it's prescription too so I'm forced to take it.

But I already said this in my own journal

Eww prescription. Is this for the pinkeye?

The worst medicine you can ever get is pneumonia medicine. I had it has a kid and I COULD NOT get it down.

Yes but I doubt it's actually pinkeye that I have. It's annoying having to have Mom hold me down and put the drops in my eyes though.

Is your eye like, crusty? Or just like, achy and drainy? I don't remember what you said >.<

It gets red and burns and itches and wet and feels like something is in it when it's not. If I fall asleep like that my eye crusts up so badly I can't even open it the next morning.

That might be pinkeye, but except for the not opening it part, it just sounds like allergies.

For the longest time I thought it was, but my other allergy symptoms aren't around right now, so that can't be it.

Hmm, strange. Hopefully the medicine will somehow help though.

It did when it flared up earlier, as I also said before.

Well, apparently I don't remember most of what you said by now haha >.<

Today I am finally admitting something. I have a problem with the past tense forms of the verb "drink". I never know what's right because it all sounds wrong!

Wow.....storms that just appear and disappear. It was raining so hard for just a few minutes and there was thunder and lightning, but then it disappeared. Now there's still lightning, I'm not hearing thunder and there's barely any rain. That was....super fast.

*deep breaths to steady myself* I didn't sign up for this emotional stress, this roller-coaster of confusion and panic. I don't like going into specifics on this out in the open, so anyone who really cares and wants to know can PM me. But for the past week or so, my stress levels have gone very high for a few reasons, one including my interactions with certain people. In the beginning, I was fine, I was okay, I was happy. Now a few days have passed and I'm getting anxious again. I don't know what to do, what to say, what to feel....I just know I feel like I'm losing my sanity.

I just finished counting up all the characters I've made and found that I've only made 183! Unless my math is wrong.... But I had really thought it would be more!

There are currently no words for how angry I am right now. When people go behind my back, I get really angry. When I first found out, I was literally shaking in anger (though somehow I still did my math well. Is the secret to math getting really really angry? I doubt it, but still). Now, I've calmed down a little, but the only thing I can think right now is "I am so mad"

I have some amazing friends, people who will make me feel better when I'm completely freaking out in some way. I am so thankful for them and I wouldn't trade them away for anything. So is it selfish for me to wish that I had someone who would stand up for me? I can take care of myself just fine, of course. But sometimes I just wish that someone would see my struggling and help... Yes, it is a selfish desire, I suppose, but it's still what's on my mind.

I just saw something that reminded me of one of my dearest GR friends who left back in September. I miss her so much and I hope that whatever she's up to nowadays, that's she's happy and healthy. I've been thinking about her a lot recently, and I long to be able to talk to her again, so I pray that somehow I will be able to again. It may not be soon, or ever, but I'll keep up hope since it's the only way to keep my memories of her cheerful.

In fact, over my year and a half of being active on GR, I've had a lot of friends come and go. I understand why it happens, and I wish them only the best in their endeavors of life. But to all my friends, those whom I don't get to talk to much, to those I do talk to a lot, I'm very grateful for you all. I just thought it was something that finally needed to be said. Thank you all for putting up with me :)

So last night I got to talk to an old friend!! I hadn't talked to her in what felt like so long and she had come at the perfect time!! She was a big help and I'm really grateful for her. I wish we could talk more often, but alas she is too busy. I'm still super glad I was able to talk to her though.

This morning, I watched 2 movies: The Other Boleyn Girl and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Both were great, the first made me cry though DX And not even because I was sad she had died, or that it was a shock, but perhaps it was the brutal injustice of it. I'm not sure how exactly factually accurate it was, but I loved the movie nonetheless.

Then I got to thinking...I kinda want to watch the Twilight movies, just to know how truly awful they are And maybe start getting some references that are thrown at me? But my parents totally wouldn't approve, and I'm afraid that some part of me will try to say that they aren't totally awful. Thoughts anyone?

☣ ᕮɱƿՐ૯ςς S૯Րค ☣ wrote: "I just finished counting up all the characters I've made and found that I've only made 183! Unless my math is wrong.... But I had really thought it would be more!"

You count characters? I never knew anyone who could keep count of their characters. You're the first one on here!

XD I have an alphabetical list with links to all of them XD

Does anyone ever have the feeling of just....nothing? I'm stressed out to the point of complete burnout, I constantly feel like I'm going to cry or explode or something. I just feel like crawling in a hole. Honestly, I just need a break from the sucky way things have been going -_- I would at least like Spring Break please! One less difficulty in my life....

So, I just hate it when pastor's sermons apply to me enough that it haunts me the next day. It was on forgiveness and how to know if you've truly forgiven someone, and of course how you're hurting yourself when you hold in your bitterness. Well, I thought I had forgiven someone, but it's easy to say when they're not around. When they come back and you are constantly upset by it? I would have to say that no, I've not forgiven that person and I'm still bitter. See, I keep thinking that forgiveness will put me back into a position that isn't good for me, but it was clarified to me that forgiveness doesn't equal reunion. I can forgive them without putting myself in a bad place again....so I'm trying. Trying once again to forgive. Been a day, no progress, but I'm trying so maybe I can do it.

I've been thinking all day about what to post in my journal for the day. Simple and random things, stuff I might want answers for. Now, as I have the time to write my entry, only one thing comes to mind.....maybe I should write a book.

I haven't written anything for myself in about two years now, I think. For a while, it was that I couldn't portray my words on the page as well as I wanted, so the ideas wouldn't flow. Then it developed into the fact that writing out character sheets are way more fun since it doesn't take a whole lot to do, and it doesn't have to be more than a couple paragraphs to tell a whole story. Recently, I've found myself wanting to write a certain story that I've had in my head a long time, but I'm still so hesitant to start because looking at all the stuff I had written before, it SUCKS! Like really bad. The reason I haven't continued any of those other stories is because I'm ashamed of how bad my writing was and I just don't have the time or energy to fix any of it. I'm hesitant because I don't want this story to be ruined like all the others.....

If anyone has anything to say about this, please do....because while I could use encouraging words, I really want the truth. :)

Random thought: "I wonder how many people look at my journal and leave. Do I have people that actually pay attention to the stuff I write down? Or am I too wordy...."

Another random thought: "I make these templates all the time for me to use...but I only ever use them once usually. I wonder if I should put them somewhere so that other people can use them too. That is, if they wanted to. I think it would be cool to see people using what I've made. After all, I do put a lot of effort into them...."

Yet another random thought: "I've been listening to Mamoru Miyano for almost the whole day.... Gosh I love his voice. My sisters think he's ugly, but I just don't see it. I probably shouldn't have spent all day trying to convince him that he's NOT ugly, but in the end, most of them agreed he's not the ugliest, so maybe it was time well spent."

And it continues...: "I'm really glad I picked web design for my major. For one, I'm sucking at the Network Operating Systems class, and seeing the finished product of the practice websites I make is really rewarding. Even if most of the logos are tacky."

heya im sorry im an impatient lil shiz so maybe you put this somewhere but is this open for commenting or no? cause if so ima flood it with comments >.<

Yes, totally! Haha I don't mind if you comment ^-^ I thought I had already said that somewhere, but oh well XD

you probably did to be honest but im not patient enough to actually scroll through this :p sorry

anyways, i think you should post templates cause i've been doing it even though i suck but its very fun >.< i do not know you mamoru miyano is so link me! and WEB DESIGN AS A MAJOR SOUNDS SO FUN! may i possibly see some of your websites?

It is pretty fun to make them at least, I'm just worried that I suck really bad >.< Some people like them sometimes though, so... *shrugs*

Mamoru Miyano is a singer/voice actor, and I'm totally notorious for falling in love with voices, so.... This is the video I'm watching right now https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gs_GQ... And this is what he looks like: (view spoiler)[ (hide spoiler)]

If I ever make a real website, sure haha XD I'm only still learning, so none of them are up and accessible >.< But yes! It is SUPER fun to learn!

SO: Update on life.


I'm finally going to get my hair cut. Last time was.....early may? Before my prom, I remember, because I still wasn't wearing glasses.

I think I might have carpel tunnel again....I blame playing piano, because my hand and my other arm hurt like death every time I play.

I got 4 100% on my exams! Unfortunately it's not for the class I'm failing at.....

I spent an hour and a half working on an intro to the template thread I'm going to set up after my friend reviews it for me.

I'm still procrastinating on a lot of things....

I'm still listening to the same 5 songs on repeat.

I'm going to have tacos for dinner.

I still can't fathom why anyone would want to talk to me.

I'm still working on a character whose history I can't seem to summarize any further.....

I drank a 52oz. soda.....which my mother put ice in AGAIN! Despite how many times I say I HATE ICE IN MY SODA

So yeah....nothing too new.

Oh, but I did put a picture of Chibi Canada as my phone's lock screen! XD

Ugh! XD I'm trying to figure out a name for the thread where I'm going to store my templates and I can't think of a thing!! >.<

do you have ideas so far?

Not any at all. Naming things is very hard because I know I'll hate it eventually, and even though I know I can change it, the memory of it's previous name will haunt me lol

mine was insomnia first and then i changed it to harmony >.< basic i know

Harmony is nice though! It kind of describes how your templates are a little? Yes, I've looked at the ones you've made >.<

oh my god thats so embarrassing because i suck haha
and yeah i do them all music themed (the titles of the templates) cause im such a nerd ;)