Life Without Ed® (with Jenni!) discussion
Life Without Ed - Short Sections
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Ed's Rules (pg 12-13)
In regards to question one, I feel like this happens way more than I'd like to admit. I seem to, almost unconsciously, organize people in situations by size, or at the very least into "larger than me" / "smaller than me" categories. It's exhausting. No matter what, it seems to shoot my self esteem down.... I really wish I knew what helps to improve my body image. I keep telling myself that I'm doing okay, or at least better than I was. I just had a baby three months ago, and am currently breastfeeding her, which I hope to continue until she's at least one. Most of the time, I'm able to avoid engaging in behaviors, because I know it doesn't just affect me now. The behaviors are better -- not great all the time, but significantly better -- but if I'm honest, the thoughts are nearly just as strong, sometimes more so, as they ever were. I try to look in the mirror and tell myself how amazing my body is ... I mean, for crying out loud, I made a human!! But, unfortunately, Ed has a bad habit of just absolutely refusing to shut up about every imperfection. And when you have an eating disorder and are hard on yourself anyway, getting used to a post-baby body is hard, even when you know that your child is so very worth it. I do better some days than others.
In regards to question two, I think the most significant life rule that recovery is bringing my way is that it's okay (and a good thing!) to eat when you're hungry. Over the past few months, since my daughter has been born, I think I've been hungrier than I have in my entire life. Breastfeeding burns a lot of calories, and your body needs calories to make milk. Babies get ticked when they don't have milk. My daughter can be the epitomy of "hangry" when she doesn't get fed fast enough. Watching her has actually helped me a lot. Starting out as a preemie, Lydia was so tiny that I often feared she would break. She had trouble eating at first, and had to have an NG tube until her suck reflex got stronger and more developed and she had enough energy to actually be able to eat without falling asleep before she had had enough. One of my biggest fears for her was that she would develop an eating disorder ... and she ended up being born with a feeding disorder! Though, since birth, she has grown and changed so much. She is finally at a healthy weight, and absolutely rocks it! I have never seen anyone more beautiful. She lets you know she's hungry in no uncertain terms, eats until she's full and stops, then plays or sleeps until it's time to eat again. No worries, just doing what she needs to do. I hope it's always this effortless for her. And maybe, just maybe, she can teach her Mommy a thing or two.
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Jodi - I can already tell that I am going to truly love hearing about your life--and recovery--adventures. I love what you said here:
"I seem to, almost unconsciously, organize people in situations by size, or at the very least into 'larger than me' / 'smaller than me' categories. It's exhausting. No matter what, it seems to shoot my self esteem down."
Thanks for expressing that. I am sure a lot of people reading this can relate to your words. In fact, one of the most popular sections in Life Without Ed is, indeed, titled "Compare and Despair!"
I am so happy to hear that Lydia is growing and thriving now. I am very sorry to hear she suffered with a feeding disorder. As I said in my other post, she is very lucky to have you. In many ways, recovery teaches us skills that many parents just never have the chance to learn. Not many of my friends (without eating disorders) have ever attended body image therapy group, nor visited a therapist, doctor, or dietitian to speak directly about food and body image. The fact that we get to do these things is such a gift. Your post reminded me of that, so thanks again. Can't wait to hear more.
The elevator excerpt from Life Without Ed is 100% a reflection of my Ed. Through my recovery, comparison has been one of Ed's tactics that has been the most persisting. I am constantly categorizing myself as being smaller or larger than others. And truly, I hate that I view others that way. The real Abby doesn't want to view her friends by how small they are compared to her or by their pant size, arm size, etc. Also, I can especially identify with the rule that says "your smallest jeans always have to fit loosely". A few days ago, Ed had a ball waving this rule up in front of me as for the first time, I could no longer fit into my smallest pair of jeans. A recovery win, yes. But it certainly didn't feel like it whatsoever. My body image plummeted immediately and that day felt like the worst. All over a stupid pair of pants.
After talking with my therapist, though, I took charge back from Ed and went on a shopping day this weekend. I bought not one, but 3 new "favorite pairs" of jeans that fit my changing body quite comfortably. After I wore a new pair for a day and realized how much more comfortable and confident I felt in them, I could definitely tell my body image had been boosted, even if just a bit.
When I was really deep in my eating disorder, I would compare myself to literally anyone and everyone I saw. It was mentally and emotionally draining to constantly be comparing my body to those of others and I'm so grateful that behavior has decreased over the years. My body image is improving but every day is different and some days I still feel unable to leave the house because of how I look. There were countless eating disordered rules I used to have that I no longer listen to (or follow). It took a lot of therapy to realize how time consuming and stupid Ed's rules were. A new life rule I have is that taking chances is good; risk-taking is important and can even be fun!
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Abigail - This is huge...way to go! I am so glad you posted this here. Buying recovery clothes can be such a challenge. I still remember shopping with my mom in San Antonio; I was crying in the parking lot. That is awesome that you connected with your therapist and got on the right path like that. You go!
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Kate - I absolutely love your new life rule! Yes, taking chances is good. Hang in there. Keep fighting. Like I said before, I am so proud of you for putting your recovery first. If you need additional resources, let me know. Thanks again for joining and commenting!
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Jill's comment:
Hi my name is Jill and I struggle with disordered and binge eating. In response to question #1 how has my body image ever plummeted or been affected by riding an elevator? A) I compare and despair on a daily basis. ADD OCD you know me? I avoid elevators to begin with where I fear my butt is too big and feel insecure and uncomfortable trying to fit in in a closed space where I cannot control my environment. Stairs please?
In response to question #2 "what new life rules is recovery bringing your way?" A) "ED's rules are designed to harm us" I have made progress not perfection and learning to let go of control and issues with controlled binges just for today so I can focus on healing from inside out. Ed's rules focuses on our behavior and demands perfection. My new rules allow me to accept and live myself despite however Ed is telling me differently. B) Food still has a moral value for me because eating too much and being overweight means I feel out of control and will not be comfortable or healthy in my size X clothes. I think I will be perfect if I am a size Y but then and only then I am happy if I can wear size Z clothes. PTSD related to sexual assault and violence is my trigger today and am grateful "I can eat and I do eat and am smart enough to know deep inside I am worth it" Look up and keep moving forward. No matter what ... whatever it takes, never give up or in to the belief that I am not good enough. Lots of love and aloha to you. Jill
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Aloha, again, Jill! Thank you so much for posting about binge eating. I think it is so important that we have this dialog. I wanted to send along some cool articles by Dr. Julie Friedman, who is a rockstar BED clinician with Eating Recovery Center.
7 Myths of Binge Eating Disorder
https://www.eatingrecoverycenter.com/...
8 Habits that Make BED Worse
https://www.eatingrecoverycenter.com/...
Also, here is a cool BED Facebook group:
https://www.facebook.com/bingeeatingc...
If anyone knows any other great BED books, etc, please share. Here is a powerful book written by my friend and colleague: Gorge: My Journey Up Kilimanjaro at 300 Pounds
And, Jill, thanks for mentioning trauma and PTSD. As you know, I understand and have been doing a lot of outreach in that area lately. We need more people to pay attention. The trauma-informed care initiative is a nice step. I look forward to hearing more from you!
Elevator rules? I try to just mind my business... ha. Seriously, I know this may sound silly, but as I has encountered "middle age" - put those words in scary Halloween letters like "black cat" and you'll understand how I feel about it - my body image has plummeted. I strive to dress and look like a younger version of me - to look like those younger women in the elevator - so I can look in the elevator mirror and be proud of myself. I specifically see a correlation between the time that my daughters and their friends hit their early 20's which made me early 40's. I am envious. I miss my youth... one I never really had because I had my children young. I am embarrassed and ashamed of myself for being jealous.I was in the Marine Corps in the early 90s... when women we few and far between. It was hard. It was a time when women were looked at as objects. I had my share of "encounters" shall we say. Many of these were traumatic for me. Alcohol was involved. Add those to the alcoholic father and sexual abuse at the hands of a sibling and it's no wonder I have issues. I wasn't smart (at least I didn't think so at the time) so I got used... a lot.
I actually grieve the loss of something I still have. It's ridiculous. I KNOW it, but my ED will not let me have it. When everyone else tried to talk to me about my weight, I knew I had more work to do. Even now when my doctor says I am good, I am fighting every day because my body image is screaming it's not. My body carried babies... it went through life. Why isn't that enough? ED says it isn't. Sorry... so dramatic. Isn't it easier to write things like this than speak them?
Right now, I try my best to curb my emotions to stop my binge behaviors. They are what lead to my long term restriction. Binge then days of restriction. I lost most of my support when I came back from treatment. They thought I should have been "fixed" when I came back. I have my mom. I call her. If it's not Tuesday (the day of the support group) and I can't see my therapist who is really good about seeing me, I go to AA - even though I'm not an alcoholic, it's a place where there are people. It keeps me from self-harm behaviors. It gets me around people. I can't afford to go back to treatment right now, so, I do what I can to stop the behaviors before they start.
I actually grieve the loss of something I still have. It's ridiculous. I KNOW IT, but my ED will not let me have peace. When everyone else tried to talk to me about my weight, I knew I had more work to do. Even now when my doctor says I am good, I am fighting every day because my body image is screaming it's not. My body carried babies... it went through life. Why isn't that enough? ED says it isn't. Sorry... so dramatic. Isn't it easier to write things like this than speak them?
Sorry for the repeated paragraph in my post... I was trying to rearrange and it didn't delete the paragraph I moved to the bottom.
I have realized recently that while not acting on old ed behaviors necessarily, I have still been operating from a place of ed rules and rigid untruths. I believe that I can be free from them entirely, and am working on doing so.
Jenni wrote: "Of all the parts in Life Without Ed, this is probably the section I hear about most. It is often tied to the comment, "I felt like you were reading my mind." Ironically, when I wrote "Ed's Rules,..."
Not to copy Jenni's response but trying to remember there are no "good" and "bad" foods has really helped me. I think the biggest reason I went so long without getting help is because I justified so much because I told myself I was doing things "to be healthier"-diets, restricting foods because they were "bad", etc. Realizing that I can eat anything and it has no bearing on who I am as a person was really freeing, even though I still struggle with it at times.
I am still working on ways to improve my body image. One thing I would love to share is a podcast called "Life. Unrestricted." It has really helped me feel empowered and accepting of my body as it is. Of course there are good days and bad, but if I am really down, they help lift me up. There are also guided meditations out there specifically for individuals with ED/disordered thinking/trauma, etc. That has helped me too.
It seems a lot of us not only deal with ED, but trauma, sexual abuse, PTSD, anxiety, depression... It's all tangled up.
Jennifer wrote: "Elevator rules? I try to just mind my business... ha. Seriously, I know this may sound silly, but as I has encountered "middle age" - put those words in scary Halloween letters like "black cat" and..."Hi Jennifer,
I just wanted to thank you for sharing. You have already helped one person by having the courage to share :) I too was subjected to sexual abuse by a sibling and know how shameful it feels. You deserve to be free from shame. Your body has done incredible things and you are enough. Here and now, you are enough.
Jenni wrote: "Of all the parts in Life Without Ed, this is probably the section I hear about most. It is often tied to the comment, "I felt like you were reading my mind." Ironically, when I wrote "Ed's Rules,..."
I also sorted foods into good and bad. I only had six good/safe foods in my good list that I would eat. I have to admit I still at times catorgize foods as good/bad, safe/unsafe. My nutritionist in South Dakota had me think of food as medicine or fuel for my body to help.
I kept food in my house for when family would come over. I would never eat it, but move it from my freezer to refrigerator and back again - over and over again. Thankfully, family never wants to eat an eating disordered persons food.
With regard to comparing myself to others according to weight, I always felt larger than everyone. Even in treatment I always said if I only weighted what Liza (my therapist) weighed I could then be happy. I saw myself as heavier than her and everyone. My perception was flawed. Because of my warped vision and to help me see more accurately, Liza allowed me to see my weight and hers to show me that though while I saw myself as bigger, I in fact was not. Still amazes me that my ed made my eyes see things not as they were but as my mind perceived them to be.
I guess my top ed rule has always been that to "win" or be the best is achieved when you die because of your ed. When ed fully consumes your life, death is the ultimate and only win - no more pain, self hate, judgement! Just forever sleep!
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Anyway, it seems body image and lingering Ed rules is a common thread here. We'll definitely discuss more. Appreciate your shares!! Hopping out of an Uber- more to come!
Body image is complicated and most the time if not all a pain in the ass. I can promise that struggling with body image that it does get better. And with that it takes time, honesty, and baby steps in letting go. I have been in recovery for 7 years and I struggle with it depending on the week. But for me I usually ask myself " ok it's not my body I'm upset With, what's really going on?" And there's usually always a real reason. My body is one I have built and worked hard to create. I will share a piece of writing I did in 2010Dear Body, hello there dear friend I have come to thank you for so many beautiful things you have done for me. I know that I hurt you with blades cutting so deep that in return I developed scars, I know that I have starved you for 18 years, and I know that I have pretended not to care when I ached from the pain others caused outside and inside. Mostly body I know that I have hated you my whole life, and still I struggle to remind myself that you body have protected me. I know that I hurt you and caused you so much pain, but now I have come to a point in my life where I embrace you and accept that you protect my organs, my bones, my brain, and most importantly my heart. I want to thank you for that, I want to thank you cheeks for making my smile look brighter and more alive, I want to thank you arms for giving be the ability and strength to hold a child, to write, to hug, and to eat, chest I want to thank you for being apart of being a woman and I wont lie you do attract men but that’s not what you are for, stomach ah at times this is rough but I want to thank you for giving me the ability to look healthy and yes while you give me “fat” its healthy and needed, it’s a reminder that I can enjoy my food and that I don’t have to judge what I see, because a stomach is a stomach and we all have one, but stomach thank you for your reminders when I am struggling you remind me to stop, stop judging you because you are apart of me, hips you are a challenge, I like to call you muffin top or fat but really you help me have curves that is apart of most womanhood and for that I thank you, Hips you hold me together and protect my precious bones that don’t need to be seen because you cover them to protect me, thighs thank you for the strength to run around with crazy children, to walk down the hallways of school, to hold my body when I stand up, and one day to hold me as I get back into running. Where are you “fat”? I know that your not muscle, and that you protect me from injuries, protects my vital organs, and protect the layers of skin around my body. Thank you “fat”. Skin, you my dear help me look tan when its summer which I love, you help me feel the heat and I love that, you surround me, you wrap around my precious bones and like glue you hold me in one piece. Thank you body, thank you for all the things you do for me, thank you individual parts that I once struggled with, you are protected and safe and thank you for not giving up on me. I have a heart that loves so deeply that everyone around knows how much I care and how much I love, I have a soul that spreads compassion like a wildfire, and I have a brain that loves to learn. Thank you body.
My goals that have maintained my recovery are:- Don't waste my time weighing myself
- eat when I'm hungry stop when I'm full
- it's ok to feel anxious or guilty about a meal but it is not okay to use behaviors
- avoid looking in the mirror when not needed because it's truly a waste of time and only hurts my recovery
- be 100% honest with my team
- if I have any ed thought asking myself to stop and to think about what's really going on. Because my food and my body should not be restricted or punished for thoughts
- enjoy the moments of freedom, fight the voice, and never give up.
Those are my values and how I go about my recovery.
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- Don't waste my time weighing myself
- eat when I'm hungry stop when I'm full
- it's ok to feel anxious or guilty about a meal but it is not okay to ..."
I love this, Savannah! Thank you for sharing.
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Hi Jennifer - Thank you for sharing your truth here. I love what you said:
"My body carried babies... it went through life. Why isn't that enough?"
That is so powerful. My friend (and author) Carolyn Costin talks about our bodies being our Earth suits. I absolutely love this image. Our bodies are truly vehicles to get us through life. Yet, millions treat their actual cars better than their bodies. I am grateful that recovery gives us the chance to shift our perspectives.
As was mentioned in another comment, thank you for being open about trauma. I, too, know what trauma is like and the horrifying impact of PTSD (in my life). You already really helped one person (as said in the comment), so thanks again!
Never give up; it does get better.
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Yes, we are all enough. Amen! Thank you!
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Wow...Savannah: so powerful. Thank you for sharing this. Anyone else ever written a letter like this? This might be a helpful exercise to work though in therapy.
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Ironically, when I wrot..."
Hi Annie - So glad you shared here. Thanks for letting us know about the podcast. I will check it out! Here is a great new podcast:
https://www.eatingrecoverycenter.com/... - I will actually be talking about PTSD in one upcoming episode.
Please keep sharing and let us know about any other helpful resources.
BTW, in terms of body image, this book is a classic: Body Wars: Making Peace with Women's Bodies. Dr. Margo Maine's latest book is excellent, too: Pursuing Perfection: Eating Disorders, Body Myths, and Women at Midlife and Beyond.
Keep fighting!
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Hi April - Thanks for sharing this (such key awareness). And, you are right: you absolutely can be free! Appreciate your holding such hope for everyone. I look forward to hearing more from you!
April wrote: "I have realized recently that while not acting on old ed behaviors necessarily, I have still been operating from a place of ed rules and rigid untruths. I believe that I can be free from them entir..."April, I love your confidence! It feels like we're in the same boat :-) was wondering, if I may ask, how do you go about freeing yourself from these rules again, even though they are not necessarily harmful for your body? I currently don't know where to start anymore.. I'd love a fresh view!
Suzanne wrote: "April wrote: "I have realized recently that while not acting on old ed behaviors necessarily, I have still been operating from a place of ed rules and rigid untruths. I believe that I can be free f..."Hi Suzanne,
Thank you for reaching out and I hope that my advice may help you a bit. I have started going back to therapy once a week. I also go to yoga three times a week, which helps me to slow my thoughts down a great deal. In addition, when my mind starts traveling into some of these old ed thoughts and patterns, I try and think of all that I am grateful for and the many blessings in my life. I remind myself that my family and friends love ME. They love me for who I really am, not the size my pants are, and certainly not for how much I restrict my food intake. I have to remind myself that I am not able to be all that I want to be when I am in the eating disorder. It took so much from me and I don't want to travel back.. I think that being proactive and working with a team really helps me and is allowing me to overcome the plateau.
Suzanne wrote: "April wrote: "I have realized recently that while not acting on old ed behaviors necessarily, I have still been operating from a place of ed rules and rigid untruths. I believe that I can be free f..."Suzanne wrote: "April wrote: "I have realized recently that while not acting on old ed behaviors necessarily, I have still been operating from a place of ed rules and rigid untruths. I believe that I can be free f..."
Thank you so much Jenni! I am happy to be a part of this group.
Hi April! Thank you so much for your time to answer my question.. I'm happy to read you have team in place and about the yoga.. me too, I really like the flowing movements combined with affirmations. These helps me a lot during the day! And I also starteed setting my timer today several times and think about 5 things that make me happy/grateful. Otherwise I forget about the little things while taking care of the kid or with my mind preoccupied with meals. Thank you for the reminder! I don't have much time to go to therapy.. but I have asked a couple of friends and my partner to support me..One thing that really helps me is to prepare monkey platters for us that break Ed's rules. It helps me to watch my kids enjoying their choice of food combinations and see how free they are! Wishing you all the best April! You will get there, for sure, you're working so hard!
Rules! Elevators have always been tough for me, all the mirrors, I always gain 10 pounds. I start checking my wrists and arms right away to make sure I can get my hands around them.Today! I picked up my 9 year old from my ex and said she had barely eaten and this was 6:30 pm. She is a stick. She loves steak and potatoes. So I took her to her favourite place so we could split the adult steak dinner. That child can eat steak. So she eats 3/4 of it, and most of the potatoes. I eat the veggies. I see Stcky Toffee pudding on the dessert menu. Then all I can think of is taking it home. But not to enjoy, to either spit out or get rid of. I finally decide my oldest will still be up so don't order it. I am trying to figure out whose voice is talking. All I had today before the dinner was a breakfast bar :(. It made me sad that I could not have the dessert I wanted so bad
Suzanne wrote: "Hi April! Thank you so much for your time to answer my question.. I'm happy to read you have team in place and about the yoga.. me too, I really like the flowing movements combined with affirmation..."Suzanne, I am very happy to answer and offer any guidance that I have learned and tools that have helped me along my path to recovery. I know that it's possible! I am finally starting to experience, just slightly, what it feels like to not think about weight and food ALL day. I still have work to do, but I can feel that grip lessening and lessening with every day. Feel free to message me anytime! I certainly don't have all the answers, but I believe in recovery and I believe in support and helping one another.
Jenni wrote: "April wrote: "I have realized recently that while not acting on old ed behaviors necessarily, I have still been operating from a place of ed rules and rigid untruths. I believe that I can be free f..."Hi Jenni! I am really happy you have started this group. I value your wisdom and the way that you share your experience. Thank you for providing hope and knowledge to so many!
Kate wrote: "When I was really deep in my eating disorder, I would compare myself to literally anyone and everyone I saw. It was mentally and emotionally draining to constantly be comparing my body to those of ..."Hi Kate,
I relate totally. I live in Charleston, SC and the climate is often very warm. I was, and still am to a certain degree, uncomfortable around other women that wear clothing that exposes. I don't wear short shorts, and I am ok with that, but I have noticed I often want to really really cover up.. I have had to learn which parts of that are the insecurity and which are that I just really prefer Fall fashion.. haha! I dug deep, and part of it most certainly my insecurity and feelings about my body. Ed's rules are terrible lies and have robbed me of so many years and experiences.. I say no more to this!
April wrote: "Suzanne wrote: "Hi April! Thank you so much for your time to answer my question.. I'm happy to read you have team in place and about the yoga.. me too, I really like the flowing movements combined ..."Me too! Thanks a lot April, I really appreciate that!
Heather wrote: "Rules! Elevators have always been tough for me, all the mirrors, I always gain 10 pounds. I start checking my wrists and arms right away to make sure I can get my hands around them.Today! I picke..."
Heather, My heart goes out for you. I'm so sorry to read about your struggle, especially while you are out with your beautiful daughter who seems to know exactly what and how much she needs to feel great.. I'm not sure if you want advice, so just tell me if thi sis not what you want to read. But what really helps me lately around my children is to offer dessert with our main meal. And I'm amazed at how they eat. My oldest (4) has some kind of idea of saving something she really likes for last, but my youngest (1) goes from chicken to the chocolate, eats some bread, some fruit and then finally dips all her carrots in the bowl of yoghurt and clears that as well. I love watching her! And I also think by myself, why not! My meals have become much more satisfying, and I'm not constantly thinking anymore about a treat. How would it be for you both if you had ordered the pudding together with the steak dish? And eat a bit from everything?
Suzanne, thank you for sharing. It means a lot
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* Exciting news: We are giving a way five signed copies of Life Without Ed: How One Woman Declared Independence from Her Eating Disorder and How You Can Too! (Scroll toward bottom of page.)
Registering is free. Check it our here:
https://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/sh...
*Looks like the registration for the giveaway starts in a few days. I will post a reminder!
Good luck! And, stay tuned: we will give away more in the future!
Thanks again for chatting with us! And, please keep sharing and connecting.
Jenni wrote: "Thanks for all of your thoughtful, inspiring comments! I love how you are really connecting and engaging with each other. That is what this group is all about! * Exciting news: We are giving a wa..."
Jenni, I followed the link to register, but did not find how to register.
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* Exciting news: We a..."
Thanks for trying, Kim! I just noticed the giveaway officially launches in a few days. Sorry for the confusion. I will post again soon as a reminder!
Weirdly enough, I actually caught myself comparing myself to another lady in an elevator I was in while going to my nutritionist appointment. I even said in my head, "I wish I was that skinny" but surprisingly caught myself and chuckled because I knew was "ED" was doing. Which everyone gave me weird looks after that haha! Whenever that happened, I'd think about it for days and days and stress about how I could get like that. Now, though I'm still working on positive body image with myself, I'm hearing ED and the sick things he says to me AND I'm working on changing it. The rules is something I am currently working on, its SO hard to change them, but I know I can. I just have to keep working at it. I have so many rules with perfectionism, eating and everything you can think of. The one rule I am having most trouble with right now is, a scale just shows you one thing about your body. It's just a number and I need to focus on how I feel physically rather than keep focusing on the scale. It's hard to do, but each day (most of the time) gets easier. Also, another is "red meat is bad"! It still scares me a little, but I had red meat a few days ago and oh my gosh I've been missing out. I'm ready to try that burger when my husband gets home from deployment this month!
If I had a dollar for every one of Ed's rules, I would be filthy rich. For 10 years, I was a slave to Ed's demands, and in all honesty, I kind of liked that. I felt special, in a way, as if I was the only human in the world who could run on practically nothing and still achieve everything I wanted... that is, until I physically and mentally could not function anymore. That's the thing with Ed; he would me that I'm special and I am more successful than "normal" people, all while starving me to near-death. And then once I was hospitalized, it was my fault for getting "caught". The thing that helped me most was to recognize that Ed's rules have no foundation or credibility-- he made them up on the spot and changed them in every situation I was in. Once I realized Ed was full of crap, I started fighting back and eventually found freedom in a life without him!
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Yes! Ed's rules have no foundation or credibility. I love that. Also, I'd be rich, too. I could have retired young! Appreciate your share.
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In terms of trauma, we have a thread on that, too: https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/...
And, to keep the body image topic alive and helpful:
Article by my friend, Robyn Cruze: https://www.eatingrecoverycenter.com/...
Something helpful from NEDA: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.o... - make sure to scroll to bottom for 20 Ways to Love your Body by Dr. Margo Maine
As mentioned above, Dr. Maine is a must-read author on body image.
My friend, Emme, also put together this awesome book of stories: Chicken Soup for the Soul: Curvy Confident: 101 Stories about Loving Yourself and Your Body. She even let me include a story!
Here is a sneak peak to a book we will also discuss here: https://jennischaefer.com/wp-content/... It is my second, Goodbye Ed, Hello Me: Recover from Your Eating Disorder and Fall in Love with Life.
Any other books on body image that you'd recommend?
I still have so much to learn about PTSD. I have only recently started to realize that I may in fact suffer from it and need to address it... I will read over the articles you have written..Thank you for bringing this to light and for helping many realize they need to focus on this..
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I am sorry that you might struggle with PTSD, April. I know just how hard it is. That said, awareness is key. And, most importantly, people can and do recovery from PTSD. Thanks again for being such an active member of our group. Means a lot to have you here.
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Hi Megan - Thanks again for sharing. It sounds like your husband might be in the service. First off, I want to thank you guys for your service. I can't even begin to express my gratitude for the sacrifices military families make for us.
Your post is super relatable. I really appreciate your positivity. I love that you said, "I know I can..." That is such a key. Attitude.
In terms of the scale, many understand that. In my eating disorder support group, we actually had a closet where we could put our scales, skinny jeans, and whatever else was triggering us. We'd put items in the closet, and our therapist would say that we could take the items back IF we wanted to in the future. The cool thing is that no one in my group ever took anything back from that closet. (I wonder if all of that is still shoved in there!) I'd encourage you to speak with your therapist about all of this. Maybe a trusted person would "babysit" your scale for you, for awhile. My guess is that, after enough time, you won't want it back.
One thing we wrote a lot about in my third book (Almost Anorexic: Is My (or My Loved One's) Relationship with Food a Problem?) is that body checking is proven to impair body image from getting better. In other words, if we want to stay stuck in negative body image, we should continue to body check (e.g., weighing, pinching fat, trying on clothes that don't fit). Here is an exercise from the book that might help you: https://jennischaefer.com/wp-content/...
Keys are: 1) obstruct, 2) limit, 3) delay and distract
I hope this helps! Never quit. Keep taking steps forward.
Jenni, I have recently found myself in the struggle of trying on clothes that are too tight. I know that they need to be, but I do it anyway... I should say, I was doing it.. because, after talking it out in therapy for a month or so, I realized that those clothes, although not my smallest ones, still represent the me that is ill and in an eating disorder. I want to nourish my body, so that I may nourish my mind, soul and relationships; none of which are concerned with my pant size! I just want to be healthy and well and free from ed! It's possible.. And so worth it!
Mod
I have recently found myself in the struggle of trying on clothes that are too tight. I know that they need to be, but I do it anyway... I should say, I was doing it.. because, after talki..."
Yes, freedom is possible and so worth it! If you haven't yet, check out my response to Megan in this thread (Sept 15). I think you might find it helpful. Thanks again, April!
Hi Jenni! I wil go back and find your response from the 15th!
Jenni wrote: "April wrote: "I still have so much to learn about PTSD. I have only recently started to realize that I may in fact suffer from it and need to address it... I will read over the articles you have wr..."Thank YOU for creating this group and for sharing your wisdom with us... I can't wait to see you in a few weeks!
Jenni wrote: "Megan wrote: "Weirdly enough, I actually caught myself comparing myself to another lady in an elevator I was in while going to my nutritionist appointment. I even said in my head, "I wish I was tha..."Yes! This is very helpful and I am going to visit the link now... I have just very recently, and I mean like within the past couple of days, tried to stop body checking even a few times a day.. I know I don't want to go backwards and I DO NOT want those ed thoughts or "rules", i.e. lies, that ed sets for me to rule my days. I want to be healthy and joyful, and those are certainly two aspects of my life that ed took me from me for most of my life; all of my adult life. I have, and again, recently, discovered that body checking takes me out of the moment and out of my body.. I can not focus on just feeling my body and knowing the signs of hunger, fullness, stress, strength, flexibility.. Meaning, the body checking takes me out of the good, bad, and necessary feelings of my body... I love your affirmative "I know I can" statement also! I have learned that there is SO much power in these types of words and the manner in which we speak to ourselves... WE are powerful.... and can and will take back our power from ed!
Life Without Ed® (with Jenni!)
Books mentioned in this topic
Almost Anorexic: Is My (or My Loved One's) Relationship with Food a Problem? (other topics)Goodbye Ed, Hello Me: Recover from Your Eating Disorder and Fall in Love with Life (other topics)
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Curvy & Confident: 101 Stories about Loving Yourself and Your Body (other topics)
Life Without Ed: How One Woman Declared Independence from Her Eating Disorder and How You Can Too (other topics)
Body Wars: Making Peace with Women's Bodies (other topics)
More...
Ironically, when I wrote "Ed's Rules," I wasn't sure if people would relate at all. I almost cut the section from the book!
If you don't have the book yet and would like to read this short section. check it out on my website: https://jennischaefer.com/wp-content/...
Or, you can even listen to it here: https://jennischaefer.com/resource/au...
Couple questions:
1. Regarding this section, consider if your body image has ever plummeted while riding an elevator. If so, what helps to improve your body image?
2. This chapter discusses Ed's past rules in my life. Ed might have rules for all of us, but what is more significant is this: what new life "rules" is recovery bringing your way? As an example, a recovery rule I learned is: Make time for fun every single day.
I look forward to hearing from you. Feel free to answer one or both of the questions posed here. Or, bring up your own topics!
** Please remember to keep your posts non-triggering. Per the rules of the group, no numbers (e.g., weights, calories, clothing sizes). Also, please refrain from posting specific eating disordered behaviors. We want to keep this group non-triggering and focused on the solution. Triggering posts will be deleted in order to protect our special group. **