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What's this like for a blurb?

Track, one of the station's best detectives has been benched for three months to adjust his attitude. A woman he recognises from somewhere fails to gain his help and later turns up dead at his front door. The Authority isn't interested. Faced with options of recreational or self help courses or running his own investigation he picks the latter. He's not happy and he's not into arts and crafts. He likes hobbling after the bad guy while waiting for the Authority to fix his knee. Track's investigation uncovers an insidious plot the Authority will stop at nothing to cover up.

Or as it's written in the first person should I do something like this?

My name's Track. Until they benched me for three months, I'm pretty sure I was one of Si-Cross 4's best detectives. Now they want me to take up knitting or do some self help course for ninety days while I adjust my attitude. Well, they know what they can do with that idea. There was a dead woman at my front door this afternoon and they've closed the case already. If they're not going to investigate, I will. About the only thing I have left to lose is my life, so what the hell?! They'll come after me and they know I can't outrun them with the chip in my knee, but I have no intention of letting this go.

I wouldn't put in first person. I've never seen it done.

Carole wrote: "I wouldn't put in first person. I've never seen it done."

Thanks.

I've seen several first-person blurbs, and I like the immediacy of that style - especially if the novel is written in first person. A buyer/reader sort of hops seamlessly from blurb to story.

The book, btw is terrific. I love Track!!!

Matt wrote: "I've seen several first-person blurbs, and I like the immediacy of that style - especially if the novel is written in first person. A buyer/reader sort of hops seamlessly from blurb to story."

I'm going to put a first person one in for a bit. I'm not a fan of some of the sentences in the one I have at the moment.

Carole wrote: "The book, btw is terrific. I love Track!!!"

Thank you. I love Track too, the miserable bastard!

I'll get another episode out this week just for you. Because nobody else is reading it (raises eyebrows and sighs deeply!) It's a good book too, I even know where it's going vaguely and I don't plan stories-ever.

Me too. So many things to read.

I'm 15% through A Perfect Pose at the moment and haven't got any notes for you. I'm really enjoying it. The teenage model is a cow! That's insulting to cows. Sorry cows. I'm hoping to have another go tomorrow night.

Alex- did I put up a review for that??

I think you achieved that. Those people are the worst.

Give em hell!

That'd do.

Currently running with this blurb, just because:

Track is the best detective the Si-Cross 4 station has. He has been forced to take three months off, just as a woman dies at his front door after asking for his help. Suspecting an outbreak, the Authority submits Track to a gruelling decontamination process, while someone ransacks his apartment and dismantles his pet robot dog, Banyon. With little help available to him, Track undertakes the investigation the Authority closes within hours. He’s being followed. He has no backup. His trusted colleagues are avoiding him. Someone is pretending to be his dead husband. Will Track survive to solve the mystery of the Missing Remnants?

Love the story, Amy!!

Thank you. I'm enjoying it.

I could tell. hahahah

I am almost ready to put Missing Remnants out on Amazon etc. When I say almost ready, I've thought about a blurb. How's this?

Suspended, Detective Track is drawn into a clandestine investigation. Civilians considered a drain on society by the Authority are being abducted. The cases are closed before any real investigation can take place.

Hampered by an injury, Track elicits the help from the few people he can trust and they search for the missing people.

Will he find them? Can he save them in time or will they be forever labelled the space station's Missing Remnants?

I like that thanks. I’ll have a fiddle at the keyboard.

I'm going to suggest something based on the review I wrote:

Detective Trackneathan, Track for short, is a good cop who can't keep his mouth shut. As a result, he's been suspended just for doing his job. But stranger things swirl around him. Remnants, survivors of a biological outbreak stigmatized as a drain on the public coffers, are vanishing. Track is being followed and his apartment is ransacked. Investigations are being shut down for no good reason. Worse, he's receiving cryptic messages from someone he knows to be dead.

Hampered by an injury, Track isn't sure he can trust his own thoughts. Are his prescription drugs messing with his mind, or is something truly sinister afoot? He only knows one thing: suspension won't stop him from getting to the bottom of it. The truth turns out to be far more twisted than he could ever have imagined.

Also a good one. Thanks.

As there is no such thing as perfection, my vision is compromised, and I've had enough of everything that doesn't come with a side order of chocolate, there's this:

Detective Track is a good cop who can’t keep his mouth shut. He’s been suspended just for doing his job.

Cut off from resources and official backup, he must do what the Authority won’t and investigate the disappearance of the missing Remnants. The vanishing group’s only crime was to survive the recent biological outbreak and be considered a drain on society.

Track’s apartment is ransacked, he’s followed and attacked.
Hampered by an injury, his medication and cryptic messages from someone he knows to be dead threaten his sanity.

Is he losing his mind or is something sinister at play? The truth is more twisted than he ever imagined.

Love this book

Amy wrote: "As there is no such thing as perfection, my vision is compromised, and I've had enough of everything that doesn't come with a side order of chocolate, there's this:"

Good enough. Now have some chocolate. ;-)

Thank you Carole, the ‘real’ version contains less errors and takes on board some notes but isn’t too far removed from the Radish one

Thanks Dale. Meanwhile in a house in SE England the chocolate shortage is becoming critical. The homeowners are aware the shopping will not arrive until Friday.

Amy wrote: Thanks Dale. Meanwhile in a house in SE England the chocolate shortage is becoming critical. The homeowners are aware the shopping will not arrive until Friday. "

Oog. Reminds me of a t-shirt my wife once found somewhere: "Things are getting worse. Send chocolate!"

hahah

I'm still messing around with the blurb. I'm trying to make it more dynamic. If you knew how tired I was right now you'd be laughing at the use of the word 'dynamic'.

This?

Detective Track is running out of time. The great cop with an attitude finds himself suspended; his career is on the brink of destruction.

With no backup, Track is dragged into an investigation the Authority has closed. Remnants, the survivors of the recent outbreak are now a drain on society. Only their families care as they are disappear one by one.

Track’s apartment is ransacked, he’s followed and attacked. Medication and cryptic messages from someone he knows to be dead threaten his grip on reality.

Is he losing his mind or is something sinister at play? The truth is more twisted than he ever imagined.

Thanks. I may switch it over before the weekend.

Love it.

Thank you.

I like it, too.

Thanks.

Just noticed a typo in the last sentence of the second paragraph.....be sure you fix that before changing it. :)

Got it thanks.