Books, Books and more Books discussion

Thanksgiving Secrets
When his fiancée of a week dumps him two weeks before Thanksgiving for a richer and more obliging man, corporate CEO Riain* Dempsey is angry and doesn’t know what to do. He promised his mother he would bring his girlfriend home for the Thanksgiving week, and he doesn’t want to disappoint her. Not that she would be angry that he didn’t bring a cheating girlfriend with him, but she wanted her baby to find a loving partner so much and she had been so happy when he told her about his engagement. Riain has just about made up his mind to stay away from Thanksgiving dinner, when he falls into conversation with the girl he has seen dozens of times at their favorite coffee shop. And then, he has an idea.

Hurt and disillusioned by the fact that her supposed boyfriend was actually using her to get an inning with her boss, Lucy Bailey is suspicious of the whole race of men. Why does it always seem they have an ulterior motive? But when the CEO of Dempsey Enterprises as her to help him out of a fix, she has to admit that she is a sucker for people in trouble. Astounded that he wants her, an almost perfect stranger, to play his fiancée for a week and accompany him to his parents massive estate in upstate New York, Lucy finally agrees to the arrangement and tries to ignore the fact that she may be the one with an ulterior motive this time. Determined to not have any embarrassing mix-ups, Lucy carefully designs their relationship history and makes Riain memorize it. But what happens when his family isn’t what she expected? Or when the relationship they are faking is so convincing that the Dempseys really believe it? When Mrs. Dempsey breaks down into tears of joy that her son has found such a perfect woman, Lucy knows she can’t continue the charade. How will the news affect these new friends she has made? Will the Demspey’s forgive her?

Pronounced Ryan. It's the Gaelic spelling.

Thanks! That's all I have right now. Here is the synopsis for the sequel.

Christmas Surprise
Weary and discouraged after four years in the Army, Christopher Lance is looking forward to returning home and mending the broken roads between his parents and himself. He tries not to think of Katie Bailey, the girl who was his wife for 24 hours a week after high school graduation. Half of him hopes she has moved away, and the other half hopes she is still in the home town. But when he comes face to face with her in his parents’ house and learns that she has 3-year-old twins, one of whom is the spitting image of himself, he is absolutely furious. How dare she not tell him that he was a father?

Although she is overjoyed for her little sister’s new found happiness, the joy on her face can’t help being a reminder to Katie Bailey of her own 24 hours of wedded bliss. A single mother still living with her parents, she is a bit apprehensive when she learns her ex-husband is returning to town. She never heard from him after she sent a letter telling of her pregnancy, and she is still angry with him for deciding that a divorce was what was best for them. But when he explodes all over her for not telling him about their twins and then learns he burned her letter without ever reading it, Katie has had enough. She is tired of his choices making her life miserable and is more than ready to pack up and move to the other side of the world. But then there are her children to consider. They deserve to know their father and they are more important than her feelings. Can Chris and Katie find a compromise and forgive each other for the mistakes they’ve made?

Thanks for catching that! I had just scribbled these down really quickly and hadn't read over them for typos and mistakes yet.

Lydia wrote: "I wasn't sure how proofread it was, but that was the only thing that really caught my eye."

:)

Thank you, Ma'am.

Yes, My Lady.

BTW how do you get the italicized words by your name?

I'm looking for beta readers for a Snow White short story that I wrote for the Rooglewood Press contest. It's about 19,900 words long. It's a dark fantasy retelling with hints of Celtic mythology.

If you're interested please PM me your email address and I'll send it to you :)

It is reading a story before it is published for any errors in the story telling, punctuation, or character development. As well as giving the author your opinion of the book, anything you liked and things you didn't like so much.

When do you need it back, Nicki?

I would prefer it done by the beginning of December. No later than December 16th.

I'd love to, Nicki, but I just don't have the time. Sorry.

If you don't want me to then I won't. I understand your caution, I'm pretty cautious too. Maybe not so much with my email address because I figure I can delete any emails I don't want (and then delete them from the trash if I so wish), but I still don't go out handing it to everywhere.

Erudessa wrote: "I'd love to, Nicki, but I just don't have the time. Sorry."

That's okay, Erudessa :)

Sure!

Wow. It is beautifully written, and I'm sorry you ever had to go through any of that. But know, you are not alone.

Kat📚 wrote: "Thank you, guys :)"

You're welcome. <3

You may have already stated this, but I'm too lazy to go check, but what is your book about?

Hmm, interesting. I read a book titled Regina Shen that was about a society of all women, where all the men had been wiped out. I didn't like it very much, you'll probably do a lot better than he did. :)

I'm a beginner creative writer if I can call myself that(Only 14 and haven't ever published anything), and I really wanted to be able to share this with you guys. It's the first draft. When I get time I will put the rest of the story on Goodreads and do all the editing. :) Let me know what you think! I'm open to criticism.

Prologue
It was a dark night. Rain spattered on windowpanes and the trees danced in the wind. Inside the tall apartment buildings towering over the empty streets were families eating their supper. Except for one. In A-29, Emily Nelson was sitting by her phone, anxious. Dinner was becoming cold as John Nelson drove slowly through the traffic crowding the interstate. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be too much longer. The baby was already asleep in his crib.

He surveyed his surroundings and crept forward, The rain whipped around through the trees. As he came to the brick walls, he began to climb. Up he went. Higher and higher. He climbed up to the third floor and hung on to the projecting stones. Through the half-open curtains, he could see a woman alone. Her blond hair fell past her shoulders. He moved past quickly to the next window beside him. The moonlight was angled down across the floor and shone on a crib. It was a bedroom.
The window was open a crack and locked tightly. He let go of the outside wall and slipped a hand in the crack, palm up. Then with his left hand, he put it on the frame, palm down. Only his feet were bracing him against falling from three stories up. Suddenly, he heaved the window up with his right hand. The lock broke instantly, and he shoved it up higher before clambering inside.
He tiptoed across the floor in soft but sturdy boots and stared into the crib. A child, about two years old, was sleeping peacefully. His breathing was calm.
“It seems almost a shame to wake him.” the man whispered to himself.
Dark tendrils of hair curled around the baby's ears. Above his crib was the word “Caleb” pinned to the wall. But it was none of these things that interested the burglar. It was the faint glow around the baby’s fist that no one else would have noticed. Caleb was more than a child.

Thank you so much for your feedback! I will get to work on it as soon as I have a chance! (My week's been busy lately) I don't know how well the story will turn out in the end(I tried to make it for my little brother, who is 10) and I didn't want it too bloody or anything. I can get carried away like that!

Also, the reason I used "He" was that his name was supposed to be anonymous at the beginning. But it's not John, so I'll have to try and fix that bit. :)

If anyone can give me writing tips as to how to make your writing less choppy, let me know! (It's rather difficult for me to do this) Any tips, actually, would be great.

thanks! I'm going to do that and see how it turns out. 😁

I'm not an expert but I did indie publish a book (with great reviews) but my suggestion would be:
Try not to use "was" or "is" unless there is no other option.

Separate the scenes with "meanwhile", "In front of the building" or "a few miles away".

Introduce the characters separately. You don't have to name the intruder, just call him "a stranger."

I started to rewrite for you but it's your story.

thanks for feedback! It's nice of you to rewrite it for me, but I would rather do it myself so I can practice.

Anna wrote: "thanks for feedback! It's nice of you to rewrite it for me, but I would rather do it myself so I can practice."
That's why I stopped rewriting. It is your story. I think writing a novel is harder than writing a screenplay. You have to paint the picture for your reader. They need to feel like they are right there in the story - my readers said that about my book. If you have time, check out my book - Secrets By The Knoll by Julie Metros

I may soon repost the WHOLE prologue again(surprise, there was a bit more!) after a bunch of editing :)