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How to start a book so people will keep reading
Go with the "More than fifty feet beneath Berlin and he heard voices" opening! There is so much more conflict and questions. If I understand correctly, you are asking if the beginning I quoted above or the letter opening would be better. If that is the case, I would completely go with the first one. Way to go on that first sentence by the way---killer! (insert thumbs up here)
The first one is tronger. The letter is, while full of interesting reader questions, what queen? who is seeking what? It is also a little Cliché, particularly with they don't know what they seek, and so forth. Also for a while beginning historical fiction, and quite a number of other forms of fiction with letters was commonplace, and that might also be turning off readers. If it were me, and obviously it is not, I'd consider putting the letters at the end of important acts, and letting your first chapter be your first chapter.
Mod
You are the author. You should know what best serves your book. You should know how to start it way before you publish. It's published. I would urge you to keep it as it is, only because I have little respect for authors who publish, then decide to figure out what is the best way to write the book.
If you are not happy with the book, unpublish and work on it until you are happy with it.
As for what readers want or will be drawn into - it's a game we can't win. Some will like one opening, some will like the other. Only you can decide what best serves your story.
I didn't have a repulsion, as you put it, to either one, but the letter isn't really a grabber. The one that starts "More than fifty feet" is clearer. This stops me though: . . . with mortar than had long since failed. Should it be: with mortar that had long since failed? On the other hand, changing it/removing the intro letters won't guarantee anything. If it's a new publication you may want to wait before making sweeping changes.
I agree with the above comment. What I find off putting is the ”than”instead of ”that”. If I start reading a book and it appears to have what seems to be errors on the first page or two, I will stop reading.
Dwayne wrote: "I didn't read the entire post as what I have to say doesn't require me to.You are the author. You should know what best serves your book. You should know how to start it way before you publish. I..."
Authors publish revised editions of books all the time.
As to the opening:
I personally like the intro that starts in the crypt, though I feel it might need another pass as far as the editing goes. Like others have said, I see an error right off the bat. I'm not saying I'm completely sold on either opening, but with the first one, I'd definitely at least go to the next page.
Which of your books is this for?
Mod
That's true. I have read books and then later the author put out a "better" version. I felt ripped off that I bought the less-than-great version. It's a sign that the author rushed the original version too much, then later went back and fixed all the stuff they should have fixed in the first place. It reminds me of the way Lucas re-released the Star Wars films with extra crap added in. I lost a lot of respect for him over that. Just because someone does something "all the time" doesn't mean I have to like it.
R.J. wrote: "I'm getting a lot of lookers (clicks to my ads that I have to pay for) but nobody seems to be buying my book. I've obsessed over my cover art (which is getting me clicks), my blurb (which I've gott..."In my opinion, the crypt is the better opening because (a) it is considered good adventure screenplay technique to introduce a new character in action, doing whatever it is they were born to do; and (b) the formality or stilted tone of the letter would worry me that the entire book might be written like that. For example, I know someone who wrote a complex prologue which stopped anyone reading beyond it. I advised them to republish it starting with chapter 1 but they didn't. Interestingly, the book's ratings are either 1 or 5, people who quit at the start or people who completed.
Your click through ad traffic that doesn't result in sales might be a problem other authors have told me about. My (now closed) blog didn't have any advertising (not for profit) but many blog owners like their income stream. If they host your Google Ads advert, what is to stop the blog owner clicking it twenty times a day and receiving a small payment from Google (which they deduct from your credit), every day, until you notice? It could be the people clicking your ads will never buy anything because that's not the reason why they are doing it. I'm not sure how you can protect yourself from this without stopping your advertising but please be aware anyway.
Dwayne wrote: "E.M. wrote: "Authors publish revised editions of books all the time."That's true. I have read books and then later the author put out a "better" version. I felt ripped off that I bought the less-..."
I'm more in line with Sonic the Hedgehog at this point since I've had 0 sales in the two weeks since I launched. Considering how Lucas actually sent out different versions to different theaters back in 1977, I think it's safe for me to put out a different version at this point.
Thanks for all the feedback everybody. I have moved the more gripping beginning to a "Prelude" section before the letter, then continue with Chapter 1 afterwards. Hopefully this works.Also thanks for catching that "than" in the first paragraph. Oddly enough, that typo found its way in sometime in the past year or two while I was trying to make my intro more attractive to agents and trad publishers (I have to wonder if it had any effect on my success). It was seen by at least two editors and myself and my grammar software but still managed to survive into the first published edition so I guess there's a cautionary tale for everybody.
Mod
Aside from different sound mixes to match different needs of theaters, I hadn't heard this before. What were the differences?
Dwayne wrote: "R.J. wrote: "Considering how Lucas actually sent out different versions to different theaters back in 1977, I think it's safe for me to put out a different version at this point."Aside from diffe..."
I can't remember the details, but they were small things, special effects and scene cuts, lighting, etc. He was so rushed to meet the release dates for different theaters that his first couple hundred theaters were getting versions that did not have everything in them that we would remember being there.
I read the book (The Making of Star Wars) a few years ago and the take-away point I came away with was that several of the iconic scenes I remembered from the videos were actually not seen by most of the first moviegoers. I figure if that was acceptable for Lucas' audience, a change in location of text and a typo correction should be okay for me (especially since only the "look inside" previews have been seen so far).
(Of course, now that I think about it, Star Wars went a good 20+ years with a certain Stormtrooper bumping his head and it sure upset a lot of us when we first watched the version where it didn't happen.)
Mod
Mod
If it is published, like Dwayne said, let it ride until you are ready to do a second edition. I'm sort of like him, I not real fond on people publishing books and then changing them right away, especially if I've paid for it.With that said, I like the crypt opening. Like other's have said, go back and edit prior to publishing. Like others have said, if I get a book that has a lot of errors, will will write that in my review, giving less than three stars or or 1 if I couldn't finish the book. A typo here and there is understandable, but there shouldn't be a lot of mistakes. I as a reader am not your editor. I don't like glaring errors. I pay for a book not a draft...there is a difference.
That typo actually happened while I was working with my second editor on perfecting those opening paragraphs. (I've gone back and checked all my versions and they were all fine until I started tweaking those sentences.) I'm surprised that she did not catch it on the final draft but by then we'd both read that paragraph more than a dozen times and in various versions (all of which were correct except the version I went with in the end).Anyways, it has been fixed, and I have made the change so that the preferred opening is seen first.
Yep, typos (and that is with professional editors! Honestly, if professionals still leave spelling/punctuation/grammar errors in books you pay them to proofread! Sheesh!)...That's one reason when I put my three books into a single trilogy and had Lulu publish it (GlobalReach program, and it is fairly cheap when you get a 20 percent off discount), and had to retype two of them (originally written on an old Mac in later 90s before internet), and no matter who you hire or how much you go through proofing, you'll always find typos. And when I had the books revised for Lulu and the trilogy in one, they had page limits so I had to take out portions of all three books, plus (due to possibility of libel) I had to change some names of things like record labels, venues, people, places, and had to take out The Beatles! Now that pissed me off! (Because the Beatles are to some extent what inspired my trilogy, kinda...it's about a rock band, but anyway...)
You do what you have to do.
I can tell you why the sales aren't what you hoped, but this will sting, I'm afraid. But it's not because of talent, or how well you write. It's that you're missing some critical professional knowledge. And because you already know the story when you read it, you can't see it as the reader does. So look at a few lines as someone who knows only what the words suggest to them.More than fifty feet beneath Berlin and he heard voices.
This makes perfect sense to you, who know where he is in time and space. To the reader, who doesn’t know who he is as a person, his job, the situation, why he’s there, or even where “there” is, this lacks all trace of context. Instead of being in this unknown person’s viewpoint, we’re being lectured by an unknown external observer, whose voice carries only the emotion suggested by punctuation.
John Stone stared at the end of the tunnel in front of him—at the impassible wall of dark, dirty bricks jointed squarely together with mortar than had long since failed.
So now, after placing him generically underground, a tunnel of unknown kind appears. But had you phrased the first line as him being in a tunnel, wouldn’t the reader have has at least a trace of context? This is like placing effect before cause.
But that aside, you opened with him hearing voices. So what do you think the reader expects to happen next? Isn’t it to react to hearing them?
Perhaps we learn what the voices said? Perhaps where they came from? Perhaps the significance of him hearing them? Perhaps if he did or didn’t expect to hear them? Perhaps where he is, who he is, and why he’s there? If you heard voices, and they were important enough to note, wouldn’t you focus on them?
My point? After that first line, did the reader expect you to talk about a brick wall he’s staring at for unknown reasons? No. If you raise a question in the reader’s mind it should always be deliberate. And when you do, to give the feeling that the reader is in an interactive conversation with the author, address the question quickly.
There’s a problem with the “I’m telling you a story” approach you’re using, which is that you assign the protagonist their actions according to the needs of the plot, and never ask them how they feel about the situation. Had you asked your protagonist what was making him stare at the wall instead of thinking about the voices, he might have told you that what you said makes no sense. First, you say the bricks are squarely together, but then that the mortar, the thing that holds them squarely together, has failed.
My point is that no way in hell can he have made that observation on the wall’s condition because in his viewpoint the bricks are either still square, or, the mortar has failed and the wall has collapsed. And that’s why, instead of reporting his actions as an outside observer, you need to present the story in his viewpoint. I don’t mean use first person. I’m talking about making the reader know what matters to him, in the moment he calls now—which places us in real-time instead of overview. I mean having the reader take part in his decision making so they have an emotional stake in what comes next.
Instead of focusing on “This happened…then that happened… and here’s what that means…” Focus on what has the protagonist’s active interest, as that character understands it. Make the reader care . Create an emotional bond between the reader and the protagonist. Instead of driving the protagonist’s actions with a whip, arrange the conditions so the protagonist, given their background and resources, will see a need to do what you want him to do. Forget overview and explanation. Focus on what has the protagonist’s active attention. It is his story, after all, not yours. Have him decide that it’s important enough to act on, and why, so the reader understands. Have him think over the options, to calibrate the reader’s response to that of the protagonist.
In short: To hook the reader on the opening, and keep them reading till “the end.” You need write from the inside-out, not the outside-in.
As to why you didn’t see all that yourself, remember, all professions are acquired in addition to the general skills we’re given in school. And Fiction-Writer is a profession in every sense of the word (something we pretty much all miss). So if you’ve not yet done it, you might want to devour a few books on the techniques of the profession. They won’t make a pro of you. That’s your job. But they will give you some important knowledge. And that matters, because as E. L. Doctorow said, “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader, not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.” My personal suggestion is to begin with the best book on technique I’ve found to date, Dwight Swain’s, Techniques of the selling Writer. But there are many more.
Sorry for the length of this, but you did ask, and there is a lot to it. I tried to use the site’s mail system but that’s apparently been inactivated for general communication. And the mail feature on your website doesn’t respond to the send button.
Hope this is of some help.
Jay wrote: "I can tell you why the sales aren't what you hoped, but this will sting, I'm afraid. But it's not because of talent, or how well you write. It's that you're missing some critical professional knowl..."Great comment, Jay! Corrrect-a-mundo! One reason I had a friend read my first novel (she herself an author and teacher) and she loved the flow of it, personal relationships between character and reader.
Several years after publishing the first two novels of my trilogy while trying to complete the third one I went back and read both books I hadn't looked at in years, from a reader perspective. Believe me it helped.
Mod
The reason I said the second one is better is that it gave me a tangible question I can latch onto. In fact, it gave me several. John Stone is down here looking for something; what is it? Who are the voices and why are they down here also? When a reader has a question, they will often continue reading. For my two cents here, you're probably going to be much better off asking the opinions of readers rather than writers. Specifically, readers in your target demographic.
Why?
Because writers will almost always give the opinion that you should write the way they do and this is rarely helpful. Every writer has a unique voice and unique way of seeing things. If you gave that intro to every person in this group, we'd all come back with something completely different and yes, let's face facts, we'd all probably like our versions best.
For me personally, I hate when I'm reading a book and the author takes the time to describe every painful detail. I prefer books that let me use imagination and logic to see and deduce what is going on, and no, I don't need to know every thought in a character's head. Like Stephen King said in "On Writing", it doesn't matter what kind of bunny it is. As long as the reader sees a bunny in a cage with a 6 painted on it.
On the other hand, I'm probably not in your target demographic. It's nice to imagine every single person who reads your book wanting to read every page, but the readers who are in your target demographic are actually the ones who matter. As a reader, I love some books that are extremely popular and well-regarded, while I can't make it through ten pages of others. The same goes for indie authors.
I hope this helps and that you don't feel too discouraged.
E.M. wrote: "The reason I said the second one is better is that it gave me a tangible question I can latch onto. In fact, it gave me several. John Stone is down here looking for something; what is it? Who are t..."Thanks, E.M.
I'm seeing a lot of assumptions in the comments that I have not had anybody else read my work. That is very frustrating to me, considering how many writing groups, editors, and friends I have asked for opinions on the book. They haven't all read the novel in its entirety, but they've all read this particular section and I have gotten a lot of feedback from them already.
Please do not assume I just wrote this yesterday and want an opinion. I have been trying to get this work out there since 2018--and these first paragraphs were actually penned in 2013 when I first started writing this novel.
I should also point out that I entered this opening in a writing contest last year and got raving reviews. There are writing classes that specifically teach the art of throwing the reader into the story and having them figure out the details of what is going on later on. According to the comments from that contest, I nailed the opening.
Keep in mind that this is not the first sentence the reader encounters. I am specifically trying to track the progression from an advertisement to the landing page. By the time the reader is looking at these first few sentences they should already know that the "he" in "he heard voices" is a thief, that this book takes place in some dark and spooky places (which is where he currently is), and that there is going to be some tension between him and the person he encounters down here. From there the aim is to bring them in to a story they already know a little about because the blurb told them that certain things were going to happen.
Also, (getting off subject but in response to E.M.'s comment about targeting the readers) the blurb that I am using has been through several writing circles and not only did I take everybody's opinions into consideration, but I also took their individual writing styles into consideration. What I discovered is that the writers who liked novellas and "fast love" romances preferred one blurb while the writers who liked more...how shall I say this..."sophisticated" writing preferred a slower, more detailed blurb that offers more information about what is going to happen in the story. Since I'm using keywords aimed at readers who prefer romance, but I'm not getting any bites from their clicks, I think I am going to change my ads to the more "sophisticated" readers to see if they will have a different reaction. I'll post an update if anything changes.
Write from your heart. Connect with your character. It’s likely the reader will too. Don’t write sentences that are too busy or confusing. Say what you mean with lots of meaning in few words. Everyone has their own style. I don’t believe in writing in one particular way, except to be grammatically correct, meaningful, clear, descriptive, and true to your characters. As many have said on these Goodreads threads, no matter how well you write and how interesting your story is, not every reader will love it. So be true to yourself and the meaning behind your words. Be confident in yourself, but not overly.
Mod
I don't think anyone is making that assumption. I said I hoped you have done that, but I don't know if you have or not. If you have, fantastic.
Again, any advice I give (or really anyone else gives) is just that. Advice. Take it or leave it.
As for the advice of asking readers vs. asking writers for their opinions, why not ask both? Readers, yes, will tell you if they liked it or not. Writers might get more detailed and might suggest other ways of writing, but you don't have to follow the advice. Besides, if anyone says they are a writer, but they are not also a reader, they aren't much of a writer. So, by all means, ask only readers, but don't be afraid to ask readers who are also writers.
I should also point out that I entered this opening in a writing contest last year and got raving reviews.But it’s not selling, so what you’ve done is demonstrate that such contests are pretty well useless, because in the majority of cases the stories that reach the final judges are vetted by amateur writers. Given the number of sales thus far, it's unlikely that trying to attract a different type of reader will make a significant change.
< There are writing classes that specifically teach the art of throwing the reader into the story and having them figure out the details of what is going on later on.
Assume that’s true. Have you taken such a class? Is so, shouldn’t it be working for you?
That aside, you’re trying to defend the piece, as though what was said was more than a critique on the piece as it stands on this day, or that it reflects badly on you. It doesn't. People took time they didn’t have to give you to help you become a more skilled writer, simply because you asked. Trying to convince them that the story is deserving of "raving reviews," seems counterproductive, because they're not going to buy a copy. And given the reader acceptance of the piece as it exists today, perhaps some of those responses are worth looking into. My personal view is that what we say is almost irrelevant, because it’s the fact that people were moved to comment that counts. Were the writing doing its job we would have read through the excerpt to the end, hooked by the writing. But it didn’t. It moved people to comment. So what you need to do is look at what was said, point by point, and try to figure out what made them comment, and how to make that not happen.
According to the comments from that contest, I nailed the opening.
Yet it’s not attracting customers. Ten thousand people praising what they read of it it, yet not buying it, are offset by the customer response in the bookstore. Think back to how many people, on reading an excerpt, begged for the rest.
Keep in mind that this is not the first sentence the reader encounters. I am specifically trying to track the progression from an advertisement to the landing page.
Any story must stand on its own from the first word. You definitely cannot depend on a reader memorizing information from the blurb. And again, “the progression” isn’t generating sales. So...
I read the story’s excerpt on Amazon, and truthfully, it’s very rough. You have the protagonist hear voices through a brick wall that’s at “the end of the tunnel,” when the speakers on the other side are standing far from that wall. That’s pretty close to impossible. And when he taps on the wall with a shovel seeking a loose brick they don’t hear it? That makes no sense.
I strongly suggest you do a search on, and read Randy Ingermanson’s article, “Writing the perfect scene.” It’s a condensation of one very powerful technique for placing the reader into the scene, as against simply having the narrator talk about it.
Leah wrote: "Write from your heart. Connect with your character. It’s likely the reader will too. Don’t write sentences that are too busy or confusing. Say what you mean with lots of meaning in few words. Every..."Exactly. Every single major character and some minor ones have aspects of who I am in them, both the rock band members and their women (or partners). A good way to "connect with your character."
Dwayne wrote: "Lucas' audience, for the most part, accepted Jar Jar Binks. So, there's that."JarJar Binks! LOL! Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!
I don't really believe in the perfect scene, per se. There are plenty of books on Amazon written very "imperfectly" that have loads of reviews and attention. Some are only written average and do great. I feel bad saying that, but it's true. The genre may play a big part and the audience that may be attracted to a particular subject or story. I think what's most important is that we write from the heart and tell the story we feel should be told. If we fall in love with our own story, others will too. Not everybody, but those who it's supposed to reach. If we're writing only to make a profit that can get stressful. It's a difficult market. One needs not only to know the audience and how to market to them, but also to create a well-written interesting story.
Jay wrote: "I should also point out that I entered this opening in a writing contest last year and got raving reviews.But it’s not selling, so what you’ve done is demonstrate that such contests are pretty we..."
Jay, your comments are not welcome. I am not asking for somebody who has already decided to tear my every sentence apart before they read it. Nobody else is telling me that my work is "rough" or that I haven't taken a class that I did. Nobody else is telling me that they weren't able to pull enough clues together from the opening to understand what was going on. Nobody else is assuming I demand "rave reviews" or that "thousands of people" have commented but not bought. Where are you getting this from?
I, too, can look up another author and read their information. Heck, I just admitted that I do that in this thread. Maybe I haven't judged you by whether or not you write "Fast love" but your long-winded bio is enough (more than enough) to tell me that your self-importance comes foremost before offering any real useful advice. At this point anything else you have to give is just bashing.
R.J. wrote: "I'm getting a lot of lookers (clicks to my ads that I have to pay for) but nobody seems to be buying my book. I've obsessed over my cover art (which is getting me clicks), my blurb (which I've gott..."If I'm looking at the correct book (The Binding), I would consider experimenting with the price. When I looked at it on amazon.co.uk the price is £4.60. I personally could not afford to spend £4.60 on a kindle book at the moment, so if I was looking for a book and saw that price, I wouldn't even read the blurb. It might not be a problem for other readers, but you could try adjusting the price and seeing if it makes any difference. I've heard some authors actually do better with higher prices, but my reaction was that the price seems high.
I definitely agree that the "more than fifty feet" opening is better. Your blurb looks pretty good to me - it sounds intriguing, I think it would appeal to readers of your genre (though it's not a genre I read).
I read the first few paragraphs - I know you're not looking for feedback on the writing, there was certainly nothing I spotted that would be instantly off-putting to readers (like immediately having lots of typos or grammatical errors). Yes, there were things I would personally write differently, but as I am a writer as well as a reader, I find things I would do differently in almost every book I read - everyone has their own style. You won't really know how the majority of readers find your book until you gather a significant amount of reviews and ratings. Even then, different people will react differently.
You can't rely on readers remembering anything they read in your blurb. I'm sure you can't really have written a story where that is necessary. I have usually forgotten everything I read in the blurb when I start reading a book. I really just scan blurbs for key points that will give me an idea whether I will like or dislike a book. I don't really take in the information. Some readers may have barely read the blurb at all if they buy your book when it is on offer.
I do think the price could be causing problems for you - how are other books in your genre priced?
I wonder if it could be that the cover and the blurb signal different types of stories.The cover is dominated by the demonic sculpture, and the two figures in the tunnel are hardly visible. When the monster dominates the cover I would expect a story that concentrates on the monster (probably a rather dark story) and that the blurb would go into details about whatever demon I was about to meet.
However, the blurb does not tell me that. It hardly mentions the monster but instead focuses on character - and romance.
I know you were only asking for blurb help, but you mentioned an issue with getting sales. Have you tried doing a kindle countdown sale? Kindle Countdown Sales set your book at the temporary price of $0.99. Maybe you could line it up with a little launch party. Buy some pizza and party favors (we did plastic fangs and little spiders since we're urban fantasy writers). Invite friends and family. Ask them to either buy a copy or get the free week of Kindle Unlimited and borrow your book from the library. Every time your book is borrowed or bought, it increases your sales rank, regardless of whether or not the book is read. Explain this to your friends and family so they understand how their $0.99 contribution or their taking the time to download the app will effect you directly. Maybe line up some ads on free sites like awesomegang or bookgoodies that way they coincide with the Countdown sale and your launch party. See if they'll share your ad on sites like facebook, tumblr, twitter, instagram, and pinterest.
In this way, you'll shoot up the rankings in your selected category. A higher ranking will gain you visibility.
Consider also the fact that your book isn't offered in paperback. We messed this bit up, in that the paperback wasn't available the day we did the launch party (there was an issue with the text on the cover and it didn't process fast enough). There were several people both at the party and online that told us they were waiting for the paperback edition, which meant we didn't get the quick boost on that end that we wanted.
But by using this strategy, we did temporarily gain a #1 slot in our category and had residual sales and reads from strangers for months afterwards. They saw the book had support and borrowed or bought it, causing it to get reads and reviews from people we didn't know, which helped us gain readers who would have never seen our book otherwise.
The problem itself might not be your ad. If people are clicking on it, it's probably a good ad. It's more likely that what's happening is people are clicking on the ad, realizing it leads to a book that (until yesterday) had no sales ranking and no ratings. Add to that the fact that it costs $6. Most people aren't going to read anything on a page like that. Not the blurb. Not the excerpt. They'll just close the window or click on a book in the "related" category.
I mention this only because you said you were obsessing about the cover. It's hard to see/make out what it is, the title is hard to read (this is in thumbnail), and the gargoyle doesn't really tell me too much. (I would more expect to see it on Notre Dame (or would have).) So, as a reader I'm getting mixed messages.Now having just looked at Amazon, I see categories Christian Romance. I wouldn't have guessed that by title, cover, or blurb. So, just things to consider since you are doing a good job of tracking progress.
I think E.M. has a great suggestion. Free and $0.99 kindle deals are how I’ve earned reviews for my books when I wasn’t getting sales. I actually just did my first free kindle promo with over 3000 downloads. They’re very useful for getting reviews and establishing a reader following.
Leah wrote: "I think E.M. has a great suggestion. Free and $0.99 kindle deals are how I’ve earned reviews for my books when I wasn’t getting sales. I actually just did my first free kindle promo with over 3000 ..."The book is not eligible for Kindle Countdowns until after it has been on the market for 30 days, which is kind of a waste since that is one of the best ways to get sales and reviews for a brand-new book. I actually was aiming at having a countdown on Valentine's Day but did not know this (new?) rule.
M.L. wrote: "I mention this only because you said you were obsessing about the cover. It's hard to see/make out what it is, the title is hard to read (this is in thumbnail), and the gargoyle doesn't really tell..."Thank you. You do have a valid point. That "gargoyle" is a famous Christian symbol from European cathedrals and gothic architecture, but most romance readers barely know what a entails a "regency" romance, so it's kind of a moot point. (And actually, it's a grotesque, not a gargoyle.) You're probably right that it is scaring people off, but I argued this point with my cover designer and she insisted that this "dark and spooky" design more accurately represented the story than the other ideas I had.
As for the "Christian Romance" genre, I don't have much control over where Amazon categorizes me. When I look at the book it says it is in the "religion and spirituality" section, which is also misleading. This is actually a mixed-genre book meant to be more like a romantic Dan Brown thriller but with the metaphysical mechanics of the plot based on Judeo-Christian mysticism and the historical background based on a real figure known as "The Romantic King". (Not like readers are going to find any of that in the first few chapters, though.)
But yes, I understand how people might be expecting one thing based on their keywords, which is why I've had to disable "clean romance" (which it is) and "marriage romance" which is apparently supposed to be an arranged marriage romance (which this is not--it's a forced marriage adventure). Those keywords were maxing out my budget every day! The funny thing is that you'd think kids looking for a clean romance or an arranged marriage romance would not be wanting to click on a gargoyle. :/ Maybe out of curiosity? >_>
Leah wrote: "I think E.M. has a great suggestion. Free and $0.99 kindle deals are how I’ve earned reviews for my books when I wasn’t getting sales. I actually just did my first free kindle promo with over 3000 ..."Ah, I don't remember that being a thing. Maybe I'm misrembering and we did the actual countdown deal awhile after the launch party. Or maybe it's changed in the interim. It's been a few months, can't remember for sure.
Maybe a Kindle Countdown party then? How long has it been on the market?
E.M., I did wait a month to do the Free countdown. I tried a new book promo first with a promo company I’ve done well with, but I saw very little sales. Though it’s only my second book out, so that may also make a difference.
As someone who owned a manuscript critiquing service, I don't tell the writer what they want to hear. I tell them what they need to know. That doesn't make me the end-all and the be-all of writing, And I don't pretend to be. Nor will I comment on the work again.
I just wish to point out that if the work isn't selling, you just might want to take into account the possibility that a few professional tricks-of-the-trade, like chicken soup for a cold, can't hurt.
R.J., I hear ya. You can also just wait a month and during that time maybe do a paperback Giveaway. I’m in the same boat. I haven’t had many sales on either book, but I heard the same from lots of other authors, great authors included. It’s a difficult industry and I think it’s getting harder. Just keep your head up, write interesting well-written stories and get your books out there.
Leah wrote: "R.J., I hear ya. You can also just wait a month and during that time maybe do a paperback Giveaway. I’m in the same boat. I haven’t had many sales on either book, but I heard the same from lots of ..."Quantity matters. I keep being told to stick with it. No one wants to read one book and then have to wait a year for the next. Each book I write gains a few new readers. I've been told that when I get a deep enough back catalog it will pick up because readers will see I'm not a one hit wonder.
Anne, I did insinuate that comment earlier. They say the more books you write, the better it gets. I’ve only written two and haven’t done amazing with sales. Hopefully it gets better after my 3rd lol. I hope yours starts picking up.
Leah wrote: "Anne, I did insinuate that comment earlier. They say the more books you write, the better it gets. I’ve only written two and haven’t done amazing with sales. Hopefully it gets better after my 3rd l..."This is actually my 6th book that I've self-published on this site.
Jay wrote: " As someone who owned a manuscript critiquing service, I don't tell the writer what they want to hear. I tell them what they need to know. That doesn't make me the end-all and the be-all of writi..."
Selling one's manuscript services by tearing apart every sentence of a manuscript is like selling window repair by throwing bricks through people's windows.
And I've had enough people critique my manuscript already to know what "gaslight gatekeeping" looks like.
R.J., I feel ya. Not an easy time to be a writer. Not that it ever was I guess. In my opinion, if you’re happy with your book and it had a good response when you submitted it in that contest, I’d just give it some time. We all have different styles and stories. We all don’t have to write exactly alike or follow a particular set of rules, as long as we write grammatically correct and the finish is well edited. It will attract the audience it attracts. As long as you’re happy with it. But that’s just my opinion. I’m hoping it takes off for you.
E.M. wrote: "I know you were only asking for blurb help, but you mentioned an issue with getting sales. Have you tried doing a kindle countdown sale? Kindle Countdown Sales set your book at the temporary price ..."Thanks EM. I'm going to try this out when I release my new manuscript, electronically about three months after the paperback. Might help to keep consistency of sales going. I'll let the group know...later this year.
Question: Can Kindle "countdown" sales happen for an ebook when another indy publisher such as Lulu published it and Kindle picked it up on GlobalReach program? Just wondering.
Mod
R.J. wrote: "I'm more in line with Sonic the Hedgehog at this point since I've had 0 sales in the two weeks since I launched. Considering how Lucas actually sent out different versions to different theaters back in 1977, I think it's safe for me to put out a different version at this point."I haven't been at this for very long, nor do I make a lot of sales, so take my advice for what it is worth.
To me two weeks sounds like no time at all. And one thing I've learned from my few years of publishing short stories and less than a year with a novel published is that getting people to first notice the book's existence and then to actually have any of those very few people buy the book is very, very difficult. It takes time. Give it time.
So my advice would be to chill and focus on trying to find places to market it (there are some free options, you don't have to be constantly paying for ads), try to find bloggers in your genre to review it, try to enter promotions with other authors or something to get it in front of more eyes. This is, in my opinion, a much more logical and meaningful way to try to get more sales than just jumping to the conclusion that it needs to be edited and changed only two weeks after you published it. Give it a chance as it is.
Of course, I think you mentioned that you have had other books published and maybe you have more experience than I do and perhaps are used to more steady sales, in which case you don't really need my input :)
As for the two openings. I read them both and liked the first one where the person is trying to break into the crypt. The letter wasn't bad, but it seemed a bit vague and I don't know that the "voice" of the 1800s time period is coming across as strongly as you would want (for me that historical kind of voice might be the main reason to include such a letter).
Also, reading those two very different openings I wonder what genre your book is and what the rest of it looks like. If you're going for a thriller-type feel to the book that is action-filled and similar to things like Indiana Jones or something I would definitely go with opening 1 in the crypt. On the other hand, if the whole book has a slower pace then maybe go with the letter and try to make it a bit less vague. It all depends on the book as a whole... if your readers are going to be reading a book with slower pace then they won't be put off by the first few paragraphs, if they're going to get an action-packed fast paced book then give that to them from the start.
/rambling 2 cents
The problem is that my story is broken up into acts; at the beginning of each act is a short letter written by an historical character giving clues that pertain to the backstory. Chapter one begins after a letter that is only a few paragraphs long, but I've been told that this letter's pace may be off-putting for potential readers who want to jump right in--especially since it's an unspoken rule for readers to judge the entire book by the first three paragraphs.
So here are the two options for "first" paragraphs:
More than fifty feet beneath Berlin and he heard voices. John Stone stared at the end of the tunnel in front of him—at the impassible wall of dark, dirty bricks jointed squarely together with mortar than had long since failed. ,This is supposed to be a crypt I’m breaking into, he told himself. Then again…this isn’t the first crypt I’ve broken into.
He’d made a career down here in the underworld—in the crypts, catacombs, and forgotten passageways where Europe’s lost treasures tended to end up. Even after all these years, though, there were moments like this, listening to the indistinguishable fragments of conversation slowly growing closer, that sent chills down the back of his neck.
It can’t be ghosts, he reminded himself. It never is.
...
And here is the letter:
12th January 1865
My Queen,
I fear the footman who helped me into the carriage this afternoon may suspect something of our recent endeavors. The glances he cast my way were not becoming of a humble servant. Perhaps it was merely distracted interest in the traces of mud I later found on the brim of my calash; I cannot be certain. His loyalties now lie with the new master of this house—a master who, I am convinced, is determined to turn this palace into a prison.
They know they are close, my queen. But they know not what it is they seek. They do not realize how dangerous it can be—how much more unhappiness it will bring upon themselves and all within our kingdom because they do not understand its true power.
...
(Notice that I did not put the letter first since I already have it like that in the version that is currently available online (and not selling).
I don't want to reformat and republish my entire book unless there is a noticeable difference between reactions to these two openings. Did anybody have a strong repulsion to either of them?