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Is this too vague? The story is about an investigative reporter in hiding. He's not a believer in the supernatural of any sort but strange things happen endlessly. He refuses to be spooked. The clue is in the title 'Immortality'.

Very happy for you to tear it apart - I find inspiration that way.

Here's my first stab at a blurb and I suspect it's not enough info to entice:-

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” —Mark Twain

"You aren’t going to like Chester; he’s not sure he likes himself. You won’t know who he is; he doesn’t know who he is, not anymore, until there’s a knock on his door and he is invited into a mystery.

"His plan is to marry the only girl he’s ever loved. Meanwhile, he is in hiding and he has a lot to learn about why he was born."

Why is he in hiding? It is to do with his investigations, or has he been threatened?

He's been lucky to escape with his life.

I'm trying not to give too much away but I think I'm being too obscure.

Yeah I think we're going to need a bit more information. But you could start with something like this:

Chester escaped with his life but not his memory.

Hiding from a threat he doesn't remember, knowing only that he was soon to marry the only girl he's ever loved, now his past is a question mark and his future a riddle. Until a stranger knocks on his door and launches Chester on a voyage of rediscovery [that leads to the revelation of some vaguely-worded but incredible secret].

Oh thank you! The story doesn't unfold like that - it's my fault, I'm trying not to divulge too much until I have worked out what it is best to hold back. You're right to mention 'incredible secret'. At least Chester is convinced it is incredible. I'm looking forward to being able to spend some more time on it tomorrow afternoon! Yay! At least you've all given me some great pointers and I can definitely tell that my blurb needs more info.

In fact, I might try and work that phrase into the blurb - it fits so well. Thank you.

Anna Faversham wrote: "Oh thank you! The story doesn't unfold like that - it's my fault, I'm trying not to divulge too much until I have worked out what it is best to hold back. You're right to mention 'incredible secret..."

You're quite welcome. Looking forward to seeing the results!

Spending more time on it hasn't materialized yet. Grr...

What about this?

You aren’t going to like Chester; he’s not sure he likes himself. Having achieved his burning ambition to become a successful investigative reporter he is forced to hide from others who don’t like him, in fact, they want to kill him.

Off the grid in New Zealand, his quiet life is shattered when a stranger knocks on his door and takes him to the gates of Hell and back. He holds onto his sanity through the promise of returning to the one girl he has ever loved.

You are invited into this mystery: intriguing, exciting and deadly.

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” —Mark Twain
~

Any good? Also do you think I should leave out the quotation?

Many, many thanks.

I'm never very good with my own summaries, so I probably shouldn't even wade in here, but here goes. I like the quote actually, though I might have it before the blurb rather than after so you can end on the 'intriguing, exciting and deadly' part.

One other thing, 'the one girl he has ever loved' sounds odd to me. Personally, I would say, 'the only girl he has ever loved,' but that's just my opinion.

Ah... initially I had the quotation at the beginning... What you say makes sense to me. And 'only' probably does work better. I'll be tweaking!

Anna Faversham wrote: "What about this?

You aren’t going to like Chester; he’s not sure he likes himself. Having achieved his burning ambition to become a successful investigative reporter he is forced to hide from othe..."

I'm not sure the bit about not liking Chester quite works. I'm not sure why. Maybe because there is no reason given why the reader or Chester himself wouldn't like him. I think if you're going to start that way, you have to build on it somehow.

I would also make a bit of an edit:

Having achieved his life's ambition to become a prominent investigative reporter, he is now forced into hiding by the enemies he's made, enemies intent upon killing him..

Something like that . . .

Thank you, Dale. I hope you won't mind if I lift what you're saying and store it as an alternative blurb. I'll need to work on it a bit more before I could run with that - the voice is different, yet I can see you definitely have a good point!

hiya!
Overall I like it, so excuse me for spitballing. I don't mean to change your voice. Just a thought...

You might not like Chester, and you're not alone in this. But that's not really the point. It's the hazards of being a successful investigative reporter. Some folk dislike him so much, they want to kill him.

Off the grid in New Zealand, a stranger knocks on Chester's door and says, '"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” Mark Twain said that, and I'll prove him right.' Then he takes him to the gates of Hell where Chester promises to return to the one girl he has ever loved.

You are invited into this mystery: intriguing, exciting and deadly.

There. Hope it helps

Thanks, Magnus. I've now got the chosen blurb in place on Amazon where it awaits my pressing 'publish'. I'll leave it at that. BUT, as you undoubtedly know, we writers need more than one blurb so we keep different ones for different purposes.

I'm copying usable phrases/sentences/whole blurbs and storing them on my alternative blurb page for Immortality and for this I cannot thank you all enough for giving me an expanded view of what I could/should say. You are all wonderful and I appreciate your time and use of brain to assist my own dear brain which goes on strike occasionally.

Aw, shucks. Too late for the party. But that's swell. You got what were looking for which is the main thing. Best of luck with it!

Thanks, Magnus. I'm storing your first paragraph, so thank you very much.

I have found that I tend to collect about 10 different blurbs for each book, and many tag lines to help stuff them out or use in little spaces!

Me again - sorry...

Which do you prefer and please tell me why?

1.
Chester, a successful investigative reporter, is in fear of his life. He takes refuge in New Zealand, twelve thousand miles from Kate, the woman he cannot forget.
His quiet life is interrupted when a stranger knocks on his door and takes him to the world’s best kept secret – Hell. He is certain this cannot be true and looks for answers to why he is being subjected to endless mysterious occurrences. These life changing answers are a long time coming.
Powerful, moving and thought provoking.

2.
If a stranger said to you, “Let me take you to the world’s best kept secret,” would you go? Chester had no choice. He’d rather be with Kate. In fear of his life, he is hiding in a remote cabin in New Zealand, so who is this person and what is this secret? You are invited into a mystery: intriguing, exciting and deadly. “Powerful, moving and thoughtful.”
“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” —Mark Twain

3.
Immortality: This is Probably a Novel.
It's for you to decide, of course.
Let me warn you, you aren’t going to like Chester; he’s not sure he likes himself. Having achieved his burning ambition to become a successful investigative reporter he is forced to hide from others who also don’t like him; in fact, they want to kill him.
Living off the grid in New Zealand, his quiet life is shattered when a stranger knocks on his door and takes him to the gates of Hell and back. He holds onto his sanity through the hope of returning to the only girl he has ever loved.
You are invited into this mystery: intriguing, exciting and deadly.
I hope you will accept the invitation and tiptoe into Chester’s strange life.

3, generally speaking, though there are bits I like in 2.
But I'd probably lose the last two sentences, certainly the very last.

Thank you. I'm removing that last sentence.