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⌇вяσкєη ωιη∂σωs, sтαιηє∂ glαss sкιη⌇
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[deleted user]
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Jan 06, 2015 03:53PM
I will probably just post some of my writings and stuff, maybe some pics and drawings.
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I spend each day sitting at the lunch table. Alone. I wait for my "friends" to come sit by me, even though they won't talk much to me or listen, it's much less lonely when they are around.
They never ask why I don't eat. I guess I kind of appreciate that. I don't want to explain hating myself. Explain looking in the mirror and wanting to vomit. They don't ask, and I don't explain.
Silence is my best option here. They ask what I'm doing, and I quickly reply "Just writing." They have no need to know what I am writing.
They need not know my anger, frustration, and sadness in this world. They need not know my desire to end my life. They need not know any of it.
"Why do you never eat, Kassi?"
"I'm just not hungry." For once they ask. I am in plain shock, but my reply is quick. There was not even a hint of my surprise.
As it once again returns to natural silence I feel like sobbing and telling her the truth. Of course I do not. I never will. I need to be skinny. I need to be pretty. I need to be okay before I say a word.
They never ask why I don't eat. I guess I kind of appreciate that. I don't want to explain hating myself. Explain looking in the mirror and wanting to vomit. They don't ask, and I don't explain.
Silence is my best option here. They ask what I'm doing, and I quickly reply "Just writing." They have no need to know what I am writing.
They need not know my anger, frustration, and sadness in this world. They need not know my desire to end my life. They need not know any of it.
"Why do you never eat, Kassi?"
"I'm just not hungry." For once they ask. I am in plain shock, but my reply is quick. There was not even a hint of my surprise.
As it once again returns to natural silence I feel like sobbing and telling her the truth. Of course I do not. I never will. I need to be skinny. I need to be pretty. I need to be okay before I say a word.
Ugh, people. "I could see so much better from you," says the teacher.
Screw you. Screw all of you. You don't know me. You've seen a few things in a grade book. I don't talk out loud, and I don't write my thoughts for you to see. I don't show my work and I don't care. You don't know me, and stop trying to. You can't make me better than not. Not funny. Not pretty. Most definitely not smart. Stop trying, okay? Just stop. Maybe it would make your job easier to just have me fail. Too bad my grades are what decide your paycheck.
Screw you. Screw all of you. You don't know me. You've seen a few things in a grade book. I don't talk out loud, and I don't write my thoughts for you to see. I don't show my work and I don't care. You don't know me, and stop trying to. You can't make me better than not. Not funny. Not pretty. Most definitely not smart. Stop trying, okay? Just stop. Maybe it would make your job easier to just have me fail. Too bad my grades are what decide your paycheck.
"Tell me, does anyone have any experiences with mental or social disorders or self-harm they would like to share?" the health teacher asks.
Oh yeah, of course! I would love to tell you all about how I spent three weeks without food and about how I cut my wrists to feel okay! I would love to tell you about how I have four personalities fighting to be dominant around the clock. Yeah! Lemme tell ya all about it, I think angrily.
The class remains mostly silent. One small girl says that once when she was feeling bad about herself she took scissors and cut her wrist, but it hurt and she would never do it again.
"The pain is the point," I hiss, before I can stop myself. "You want mental pain physical so you slice your skin."
I get a lot of funny looks and I slowly cover. "My brother self harmed. I was there when he explained."
Once again my lies weren't obvious. Most people believed me. Why do they believe me?
Oh yeah, of course! I would love to tell you all about how I spent three weeks without food and about how I cut my wrists to feel okay! I would love to tell you about how I have four personalities fighting to be dominant around the clock. Yeah! Lemme tell ya all about it, I think angrily.
The class remains mostly silent. One small girl says that once when she was feeling bad about herself she took scissors and cut her wrist, but it hurt and she would never do it again.
"The pain is the point," I hiss, before I can stop myself. "You want mental pain physical so you slice your skin."
I get a lot of funny looks and I slowly cover. "My brother self harmed. I was there when he explained."
Once again my lies weren't obvious. Most people believed me. Why do they believe me?
I sit alone, shaking with cold after the basketball game. I know how sick I could get if I simply laid in the snow. Maybe I should. Would it not be life threatening?
I lay my finger on the door handle and pull it open. I curse. As always the snow has melted by this time.
I sigh and sit on the cold cement, feeling the pain of the ice. Needing the pain to start feeling okay. I'm never okay.
I stand, peeling my legs off the ground. I walk down the hall toward the medicine cabinet. Maybe she trusts me now.
I shake my head as I open the empty cabinet. She had hidden all the meds since last time I tried to take too many. I collapse on the bed, thinking. I'm home alone, and it would be simple to end it. If I could just find one way.
Then I see the rope.
I lay my finger on the door handle and pull it open. I curse. As always the snow has melted by this time.
I sigh and sit on the cold cement, feeling the pain of the ice. Needing the pain to start feeling okay. I'm never okay.
I stand, peeling my legs off the ground. I walk down the hall toward the medicine cabinet. Maybe she trusts me now.
I shake my head as I open the empty cabinet. She had hidden all the meds since last time I tried to take too many. I collapse on the bed, thinking. I'm home alone, and it would be simple to end it. If I could just find one way.
Then I see the rope.
Her world was like an icy pit of hell,
Nobody knew what to think,
When she fell,
Except for me.
I could see,
The sadness in her eyes,
and I could tell,
How she felt,
With a fake smile while she cried.
And now she's running away,
She's running away,
From the past-- she couldn't stay.
She was stumbling through,
Stumbling through,
The past she hardly knew,
And now she's lost in her thoughts,
Cause nobody saw,
How it really hurt,
Everyone stared,
But nobody cared,
How hard she worked,
To feel loved.
His world was shrouded in a cloud of smoke,
He had learned not to speak,
Of his hope,
That somebody cared,
How he fared,
About what he'd become,
He hardly knew,
What to do,
To get back to where he was from.
And now he's running away,
He's running away,
From the past-- he couldn't stay.
He was stumbling through,
Stumbling through,
The past he hardly knew,
And now he's lost in his thoughts,
Cause nobody saw,
How it really hurt,
Everyone stared,
But nobody cared,
How hard he worked,
To feel loved.
They would work for days for a couple grams,
They just needed to not,
give a damn!
They just thought,
"How about not,
Caring for a day?"
They never knew,
What to do,
This was the only way.
And now they're running away,
They're running away,
From the past-- they couldn't stay.
They were stumbling through,
Stumbling through,
The past they hardly knew,
And now they're lost in their thoughts,
Cause nobody saw,
How it really hurt,
Everyone stared,
But nobody cared,
How hard they worked,
To feel loved.
Everyone stared.
Nobody cared.
How hard did they work?
They just wanted to feel loved!
Nobody knew what to think,
When she fell,
Except for me.
I could see,
The sadness in her eyes,
and I could tell,
How she felt,
With a fake smile while she cried.
And now she's running away,
She's running away,
From the past-- she couldn't stay.
She was stumbling through,
Stumbling through,
The past she hardly knew,
And now she's lost in her thoughts,
Cause nobody saw,
How it really hurt,
Everyone stared,
But nobody cared,
How hard she worked,
To feel loved.
His world was shrouded in a cloud of smoke,
He had learned not to speak,
Of his hope,
That somebody cared,
How he fared,
About what he'd become,
He hardly knew,
What to do,
To get back to where he was from.
And now he's running away,
He's running away,
From the past-- he couldn't stay.
He was stumbling through,
Stumbling through,
The past he hardly knew,
And now he's lost in his thoughts,
Cause nobody saw,
How it really hurt,
Everyone stared,
But nobody cared,
How hard he worked,
To feel loved.
They would work for days for a couple grams,
They just needed to not,
give a damn!
They just thought,
"How about not,
Caring for a day?"
They never knew,
What to do,
This was the only way.
And now they're running away,
They're running away,
From the past-- they couldn't stay.
They were stumbling through,
Stumbling through,
The past they hardly knew,
And now they're lost in their thoughts,
Cause nobody saw,
How it really hurt,
Everyone stared,
But nobody cared,
How hard they worked,
To feel loved.
Everyone stared.
Nobody cared.
How hard did they work?
They just wanted to feel loved!
When I feel alone,
Will you be there?
For me to fall back on.
Show me that you care.
Will you give me a kiss?
Will you hold me tight?
Tell me baby it'll be all right.
Will you let me know,
that I'm beautiful?
I want you to hold my hand forever,
Make me feel all right.
Tell me that you'll be there
Morning, day, and night.
Give me safety in your strong embrace,
Give me warmth with your smiling face.
I'm sinking like a stone,
You said you'd be here!
I'm feeling so alone.
The little blade is right there.
I press it to my wrist,
Then I feel all right.
You come crashing in,
I guess we lost this fight,
and I said:
I want you to hold my hand forever,
Make me feel all right.
Tell me that you'll be there
Morning, day, and night.
Give me safety in your strong embrace,
Give me warmth with your smiling face.
You took my arm,
Covered my wrist,
Erased the past with your gentle fist,
Im in the front seat of your car,
And you're driving way out far,
You stop the car and you crawl out,
And you shredded all of my self-doubt,
When you got down on one knee.
And you said to me:
I wanna hold your hand forever,
Make you feel all right.
I promise that I'll be there,
Morning, day, and night.
I found forever when embraced,
And I found true love in your smiling face.
Baby I found true love in your smiling face.
Will you be there?
For me to fall back on.
Show me that you care.
Will you give me a kiss?
Will you hold me tight?
Tell me baby it'll be all right.
Will you let me know,
that I'm beautiful?
I want you to hold my hand forever,
Make me feel all right.
Tell me that you'll be there
Morning, day, and night.
Give me safety in your strong embrace,
Give me warmth with your smiling face.
I'm sinking like a stone,
You said you'd be here!
I'm feeling so alone.
The little blade is right there.
I press it to my wrist,
Then I feel all right.
You come crashing in,
I guess we lost this fight,
and I said:
I want you to hold my hand forever,
Make me feel all right.
Tell me that you'll be there
Morning, day, and night.
Give me safety in your strong embrace,
Give me warmth with your smiling face.
You took my arm,
Covered my wrist,
Erased the past with your gentle fist,
Im in the front seat of your car,
And you're driving way out far,
You stop the car and you crawl out,
And you shredded all of my self-doubt,
When you got down on one knee.
And you said to me:
I wanna hold your hand forever,
Make you feel all right.
I promise that I'll be there,
Morning, day, and night.
I found forever when embraced,
And I found true love in your smiling face.
Baby I found true love in your smiling face.
Hey. Hey. Hey.
Hey,
How are you today?
You tell me you're okay,
And then you ask about me.
Hey. Hey. Hey.
I don't wanna talk about it,
But I go on and share each bit,
Anyway.
But hey,
There's one thing that I'd never tell you,
It's the one thing that I want to,
Say.
when I see her with you,
And I wish that it was me,
Covet is my worst enemy,
If you're for her and she's for you,
Baby what am I to do?
If only you knew,
That I love you.
Hey. Hey. Hey.
Babe,
I wanna be with you today,
You tell me I can't stay,
And then I'm pushed away.
Hey. Hey. Hey.
I see her in your arms,
Baby why am I so far,
Away?
But hey,
There's one thing that I'd never tell you,
It's the one thing that I want to,
Say.
when I see her with you,
And I wish that it was me,
Covet is my worst enemy,
If you're for her and she's for you,
Baby what am I to do?
If only you knew,
That I love you.
Hey.
You hold her head,
And I watch from where I stand.
Hey.
Why can't you see,
That it's gotta be me?
You've gotta know,
In your heart,
That I've been here from the start.
Both our highs and lows,
My pain it shows,
Now.
But hey,
There's one thing that I'd never tell you,
It's the one thing that I want to,
Say.
when I see her with you,
And I wish that it was me,
Covet is my worst enemy,
If you're for her and she's for you,
Baby what am I to do?
If only you knew,
If only you knew,
If only...
If only you knew,
Baby if only you knew...
That I love you.
Hey,
How are you today?
You tell me you're okay,
And then you ask about me.
Hey. Hey. Hey.
I don't wanna talk about it,
But I go on and share each bit,
Anyway.
But hey,
There's one thing that I'd never tell you,
It's the one thing that I want to,
Say.
when I see her with you,
And I wish that it was me,
Covet is my worst enemy,
If you're for her and she's for you,
Baby what am I to do?
If only you knew,
That I love you.
Hey. Hey. Hey.
Babe,
I wanna be with you today,
You tell me I can't stay,
And then I'm pushed away.
Hey. Hey. Hey.
I see her in your arms,
Baby why am I so far,
Away?
But hey,
There's one thing that I'd never tell you,
It's the one thing that I want to,
Say.
when I see her with you,
And I wish that it was me,
Covet is my worst enemy,
If you're for her and she's for you,
Baby what am I to do?
If only you knew,
That I love you.
Hey.
You hold her head,
And I watch from where I stand.
Hey.
Why can't you see,
That it's gotta be me?
You've gotta know,
In your heart,
That I've been here from the start.
Both our highs and lows,
My pain it shows,
Now.
But hey,
There's one thing that I'd never tell you,
It's the one thing that I want to,
Say.
when I see her with you,
And I wish that it was me,
Covet is my worst enemy,
If you're for her and she's for you,
Baby what am I to do?
If only you knew,
If only you knew,
If only...
If only you knew,
Baby if only you knew...
That I love you.
Can anyone help me with math???
I'm trying to turn my interview into a newspaper article. If only I could read my own damn handwriting!
Whatever: {I have not failed} wrote: "Can anyone help me with math???"
What kind of math?
What kind of math?
Percent equations and simple interest.
Edward deposited $7,500 into a savings account 5 years ago. The simple interest rate is 3%. How much did Edward earn in interest? What would be his new account balance?
I suck at math! Don't tease me!
I suck at math! Don't tease me!
I would never. That would be rude.
Do you want me to explain it or give you an answer?
ἀℓℓἱℯ (Zeus) (Ariel) (Scar) (Astrid) wrote: "I would never. That would be rude."
Thanks!
Thanks!
ἀℓℓἱℯ (Zeus) (Ariel) (Scar) (Astrid) wrote: "Do you want me to explain it or give you an answer?"
Both would be great, because if I miss this problem I literally fail.
Both would be great, because if I miss this problem I literally fail.
Hm.. okay so I believe it's going to be
7,5000 x .03 = 225
225 x 5 = 1,125 that's the interest
and now you add the interest to the account
7,500 + 1,125 = 8,625 new balance
I'm pretty sure that's it.
7,5000 x .03 = 225
225 x 5 = 1,125 that's the interest
and now you add the interest to the account
7,500 + 1,125 = 8,625 new balance
I'm pretty sure that's it.
Sitting in school. I'm deciding if I should keep writing music...
Hah. Thanks! ;)That's what everyone keeps saying.
Yeah! Wow jeez I'm jealous of your talent..
Gah you're going to be like famous some day. Keep it up!
Gah you're going to be like famous some day. Keep it up!
Aww, thanks! I will. Those are just a glimpse at my songs...
I wouldn't post too many though...people are evil and they'll steal them. :(
Yeah, I know. That's why I just have the few. I'm thinking of making YouTube videos where I sing them.
:) When I get my kindle back I will start recording.
Okay. I have made one videooo...
My YouTube name is September Samatria. I don't have links right now.
I can't have sound right now but I'll watch it later. :3
Erm, what's it called? I can't follow links.
The wind was like ice through my thin jacket, each bead of sweat freezing to me like needles. I felt myself shivering with cold.
"Here," he offered. "You played hard and it's cold. Take my jacket."
I'm not your charity case. "No, love, then you'll be cold," I said, looking at him.
"I'll be fine," he responded, putting his baggy orange jacket over my tight grey one.
"You played great," he smiled.
I hate when you lie. I had no fouls, no baskets, and I tripped three times. "Thanks."
He nodded, looking at my dad. "Can I treat your daughter to breakfast, sir?"
I can't eat now...I'm only five pounds away, I thought, standing helplessly.
"Sure," my dad replied. "You're the first boy of hers that I actually like."
"Here," he offered. "You played hard and it's cold. Take my jacket."
I'm not your charity case. "No, love, then you'll be cold," I said, looking at him.
"I'll be fine," he responded, putting his baggy orange jacket over my tight grey one.
"You played great," he smiled.
I hate when you lie. I had no fouls, no baskets, and I tripped three times. "Thanks."
He nodded, looking at my dad. "Can I treat your daughter to breakfast, sir?"
I can't eat now...I'm only five pounds away, I thought, standing helplessly.
"Sure," my dad replied. "You're the first boy of hers that I actually like."
I tend to lie a lot, even though lying is the one thing I hate most.
"I'm fine."
"I'm getting better."
"I'm just not hungry."
"I don't hate myself."
"Yeah, tons of friends."
"I'm never lonely anymore."
Someone save me! I'm drowning in my hatred for myself. I'm just getting worse. I'm lonely even in the most crowded rooms.
"I'm fine."
"I'm getting better."
"I'm just not hungry."
"I don't hate myself."
"Yeah, tons of friends."
"I'm never lonely anymore."
Someone save me! I'm drowning in my hatred for myself. I'm just getting worse. I'm lonely even in the most crowded rooms.
If I could help it I wouldn't.
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
A Midsummer Night’s Dream (other topics)The Great Gatsby (other topics)
The Great Gatsby (other topics)
The Great Gatsby (other topics)
The Great Gatsby (other topics)
