Underground Knowledge — A discussion group discussion
ANALYZING COVID CONTROLS
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Satire to inform Sheeples about the Covid World Order
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JP is a great satirist and surprisingly YouTube still hasn't been able to deplatform him...https://rumble.com/vql821-how-liberal...
I love that guy. been watching him since the beginning.
I just watched James's link. It was superb. That chap is excellent!
James and Lance, I actually wrote a satire about the response to covid a while back and posted it elsewhere. I'll copy it here now because I think/ hope the group will like it but I'll completely understand if you want to delete the post as I put it elsewhere first. Anyway, regardless of what you decide, I'm planning on writing a follow up, which I promise to post here first. Here's the first one...
Dust off your old wireless set, switch to the longwave signal and turn the knob just a little to the right. That’s it. Can you hear their secret meeting yet?
Very rich, powerful and mysterious man (sat in a leather armchair and stroking a cat): ‘Good morning, world leaders.’
World leaders (as one): ‘Good morning, sir.’
Mystery man: ‘Right, who’s going to start us off?’
Jacinda Ardern and Nicola Sturgeon (competing): ‘Me, sir. Please pick me, sir!’
Mystery man: ‘Jacinda, I see you’ve received my delivery.’
Ardern: ‘Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. We used one of your new testing kits to show that somebody might have covid, so we’ve been able to lock the country down. We’re now distributing more of the tests across our islands to increase the case rate.’
Mystery man: ‘Excellent! Once cases reach the agreed level, I want you to tell New Zealanders that they will never be able to travel abroad again. It’s for their own safety. We need to achieve zero covid and that can never be achieved.’
Ardern: ‘Yes, sir. Zero covid!’
World leaders as one: ‘Zero covid!’
Mystery man: ‘Good. Ah, Jacinda, please join me on a private zoom call after this meeting. You, err, know the outfit I like.’
Ardern: ‘Uuumm, yes, sir.’
Mystery man: ‘Right, back to business. Are you there, Mrs President?’
Kamala Harris: ‘I’m here, sir.’
Mystery man: ‘Good. The first thing I need to check, is Joe out of the way?’
Harris: ‘Yes, sir. I ordered a chopper to take 2000L of pistachio ice cream down to his retreat. It should keep him busy for a while.’
Mystery man: ‘Excellent! Firstly, I want you to contact Disney and Pixar. The new Joe that they’ve created for television interviews isn’t answering the media’s questions. It needs fine tuning. Secondly, contact our friends across the media to hype up the situation in Afghanistan. I’m meeting the Taliban next week to arrange everything according to plan but I want the public to believe that there’s a desperate race to save people. It’s important to build the tension so we come out of this looking like the good guys who have done our best. Oh, and Kamala…’
Harris: ‘Yes, sir?’
Mystery man: ‘Keep Joe out of harm’s way, will you?’
Harris (laughing): ‘Yes, sir.’
Mystery man: ‘Good. Now let’s hear from Great Britain. Prime Minister Johnson, are you there?’
Silence
Mystery man: ‘Johnson, where are you?’
A familiar voice: ‘Err hello, sir. It’s me, Tony.’
Mystery man: ‘Tony! Great to hear from you but where’s Johnson?’
Tony Blair: ‘He’s gone AWOL, sir. I got Alistair Campbell to follow him. He went with his wife, Carrie, to Harrods to pick up some new home furnishings and then to Fortnum and Mason. They came out carrying several bottles of wine and jumped in a taxi before Campbell could tail them.’
Mystery man: ‘Damn that man! I told him that Britain should be in another lockdown by now but he ignored me. You tell him that the new lockdown begins by the end of September or I’ll cut Britain’s food imports. He still hasn’t fully repaid me for Brexit.’
Blair: ‘Yes, of course, sir.’
Mystery man: ‘Anyway, Tony, how are you? How’s that wonderful wife of yours?’
Blair: ‘She’s doing very well, thank you, sir. She recently became president of a homeless charity, which allowed her to buy up twenty hostels at a discount price. Gordon Brown thinks her property portfolio is now worth almost a billion pounds.’
Mystery man: ‘I always did admire her, Tony. She really does know how to practise ethical capitalism. Be sure you bring her over to my private island for tea and biscuits with Bono and Madonna next week. I’ve hired James Cordon as a jester. I’ll send the private jet over to collect you both. Or would you prefer a jet each?’
Blair: ‘One will be fine, thank you, sir. After all, we are trying to cut back on our carbon emissions.’
Mystery man: ‘Very well. As you wish. Monsieur Macron, over to you.’
President Macron: ‘Oui, monsieur.’
Mystery man: ‘I’m not very happy with you, Macron. Why are you making these speeches about stopping terrorists entering France?’
Macron: ‘It’s the bitch Le Pen, monsieur. She’s got me by the goolies. What else can I say? I have to talk tough!’
Mystery man: ‘Well you best think of something else fast, Macron. You know it is our aim to fill Europe with Africans and Asians. Europeans need to welcome this. Now get onto it!’
Macron: ‘Oui, monsieur.’
Mystery man: ‘Let’s hear from you, Trudeau. How are things in Canada?’
Justin Trudeau: ‘Hic. Hi guys, how’s it hanging? Hic.’
Mystery man: ‘Trudeau, have you been drinking?’
Trudeau: ‘Well, just a little bit, sir. I went to a party and…’
Mystery man: ‘Please tell me you didn’t attend black faced again?’
Trudeau: ‘Well, I, err…hic…just for a little while.’
Mystery man: ‘What did I tell you about that! You know on issues of race that we need to appear whiter than white…’
Trudeau: ‘Ha ha! You said “whiter than white”! You’re a racist! Hic.’
Mystery man (sighs): ‘Stop this silliness, Trudeau. What have you been doing to further our cause in Canada?’
Trudeau: ‘We’ve been making the world a better place, sir. Hic.’
Mystery man: ‘How?’
Trudeau: ‘Oh, spreading peace and love, man. Planting trees and stuff.’
Mystery man: ‘Enough!’
Trudeau (singing): ‘I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, hic, just like the ones I used to know, hic.’
Mystery man speaks quietly to a menacing man standing by his side and Trudeau’s telephone line cuts off.
Mystery man: ‘Tony, send Alistair Campbell to pay our friend Trudeau a visit. Get Campbell to push him into line. If that doesn’t work, go through with the lonely wood, shotgun, emotional final letter routine.’
Blair: ‘Yes, sir. Right away, sir.’
Mystery man: ‘Thank you, Tony. Now, I need to cheer myself up. Let’s hear from Australia. Prime Minister…err…Prime Minister…err. I’m sorry, Prime Minister, I’ve forgotten your name.’
Scott Morrison: ‘It’s Morrison, sir. Scott Morrison.’
Mystery man: ‘Ahh, that’s it. Morgan! How are you, Morgan? You’ve been carrying out some good work, I hear?’
Morrison: ‘Yes, sir. We’ve followed your instructions to the letter. We’ve shot the adorable puppies, made sure we’ve been filmed tearing young children away from their parents who have had one of your covid tests, put the army on the streets, battered the protestors, and imposed our seventeenth lockdown.’
Mystery man: ‘Excellent work, Morgan. Tighten the screw further. I’d like you to join me on my private island soon to discuss the Chinese investments we have planned for your country.’
Morrison: ‘Yes, sir!’
Mystery man: ‘Right, everybody, I’m going to have to draw our chat to a close. I have a meeting with the delectable Meghan shortly…’
Sturgeon: ‘But, sir, what about me, sir?’
Mystery man: ‘Oh very well, Nicola. What have you been up to?’
Sturgeon: ‘Well, sir, I’ve made a speech attacking the Toaries, said some nasty things about Boris Johnson to the newspapers, demanded another independence referendum, and made another speech attacking the Toaries…’
Mystery man (sighs): ‘Yes, yes, well done, Nicola. That’ll be all.’
Sturgeon: ‘But, sir, I’ve got even more to tell you!’
Mystery man: ‘Look, Nicola, I’ve told you before, if you want a private audience with me then you need to wear that little tartan mini skirt. You know the one I like. Now, I’m a busy man and need to jet off to my meeting with Meghan, where we’ll be discussing my plans to make her Queen of England. We’ve told the plebs that it’s all to do with how to cut carbon to combat climate change. Unfortunately, that fool Harry has insisted on attending too. Apparently, he wants my advice on whether to sell some of his tobacco, airline and armaments shares to invest in Middle East oil fields. Still, I suppose we have to humour him. Anyway, it’s time for our goodbye mantra. Are you ready?’
World leaders as one: ‘Yes, sir!’
Mystery man: ‘Zero covid!’
World leaders: ‘Zero covid!’
Mystery man: ‘Cut carbon!’
World leaders: ‘Cut carbon!’
Mystery man: ‘Save the world!’
World leaders: ‘Save the world!’
Mystery man: ‘How do we do it?’
World leaders (beginning an eerie, mystical, tribal-like chant): ‘Whooa oahh, whooa oahh, vacciiine. (gaining in intensity) Whooa oahh, whooa oahh, vacciiine. (even louder) Whooa oahh, whooa oahh, vacciiine.’
Here, the radio reception starts to fade and is suddenly replaced by Radio Luxembourg.
James and Lance, I actually wrote a satire about the response to covid a while back and posted it elsewhere. I'll copy it here now because I think/ hope the group will like it but I'll completely understand if you want to delete the post as I put it elsewhere first. Anyway, regardless of what you decide, I'm planning on writing a follow up, which I promise to post here first. Here's the first one...
Dust off your old wireless set, switch to the longwave signal and turn the knob just a little to the right. That’s it. Can you hear their secret meeting yet?
Very rich, powerful and mysterious man (sat in a leather armchair and stroking a cat): ‘Good morning, world leaders.’
World leaders (as one): ‘Good morning, sir.’
Mystery man: ‘Right, who’s going to start us off?’
Jacinda Ardern and Nicola Sturgeon (competing): ‘Me, sir. Please pick me, sir!’
Mystery man: ‘Jacinda, I see you’ve received my delivery.’
Ardern: ‘Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. We used one of your new testing kits to show that somebody might have covid, so we’ve been able to lock the country down. We’re now distributing more of the tests across our islands to increase the case rate.’
Mystery man: ‘Excellent! Once cases reach the agreed level, I want you to tell New Zealanders that they will never be able to travel abroad again. It’s for their own safety. We need to achieve zero covid and that can never be achieved.’
Ardern: ‘Yes, sir. Zero covid!’
World leaders as one: ‘Zero covid!’
Mystery man: ‘Good. Ah, Jacinda, please join me on a private zoom call after this meeting. You, err, know the outfit I like.’
Ardern: ‘Uuumm, yes, sir.’
Mystery man: ‘Right, back to business. Are you there, Mrs President?’
Kamala Harris: ‘I’m here, sir.’
Mystery man: ‘Good. The first thing I need to check, is Joe out of the way?’
Harris: ‘Yes, sir. I ordered a chopper to take 2000L of pistachio ice cream down to his retreat. It should keep him busy for a while.’
Mystery man: ‘Excellent! Firstly, I want you to contact Disney and Pixar. The new Joe that they’ve created for television interviews isn’t answering the media’s questions. It needs fine tuning. Secondly, contact our friends across the media to hype up the situation in Afghanistan. I’m meeting the Taliban next week to arrange everything according to plan but I want the public to believe that there’s a desperate race to save people. It’s important to build the tension so we come out of this looking like the good guys who have done our best. Oh, and Kamala…’
Harris: ‘Yes, sir?’
Mystery man: ‘Keep Joe out of harm’s way, will you?’
Harris (laughing): ‘Yes, sir.’
Mystery man: ‘Good. Now let’s hear from Great Britain. Prime Minister Johnson, are you there?’
Silence
Mystery man: ‘Johnson, where are you?’
A familiar voice: ‘Err hello, sir. It’s me, Tony.’
Mystery man: ‘Tony! Great to hear from you but where’s Johnson?’
Tony Blair: ‘He’s gone AWOL, sir. I got Alistair Campbell to follow him. He went with his wife, Carrie, to Harrods to pick up some new home furnishings and then to Fortnum and Mason. They came out carrying several bottles of wine and jumped in a taxi before Campbell could tail them.’
Mystery man: ‘Damn that man! I told him that Britain should be in another lockdown by now but he ignored me. You tell him that the new lockdown begins by the end of September or I’ll cut Britain’s food imports. He still hasn’t fully repaid me for Brexit.’
Blair: ‘Yes, of course, sir.’
Mystery man: ‘Anyway, Tony, how are you? How’s that wonderful wife of yours?’
Blair: ‘She’s doing very well, thank you, sir. She recently became president of a homeless charity, which allowed her to buy up twenty hostels at a discount price. Gordon Brown thinks her property portfolio is now worth almost a billion pounds.’
Mystery man: ‘I always did admire her, Tony. She really does know how to practise ethical capitalism. Be sure you bring her over to my private island for tea and biscuits with Bono and Madonna next week. I’ve hired James Cordon as a jester. I’ll send the private jet over to collect you both. Or would you prefer a jet each?’
Blair: ‘One will be fine, thank you, sir. After all, we are trying to cut back on our carbon emissions.’
Mystery man: ‘Very well. As you wish. Monsieur Macron, over to you.’
President Macron: ‘Oui, monsieur.’
Mystery man: ‘I’m not very happy with you, Macron. Why are you making these speeches about stopping terrorists entering France?’
Macron: ‘It’s the bitch Le Pen, monsieur. She’s got me by the goolies. What else can I say? I have to talk tough!’
Mystery man: ‘Well you best think of something else fast, Macron. You know it is our aim to fill Europe with Africans and Asians. Europeans need to welcome this. Now get onto it!’
Macron: ‘Oui, monsieur.’
Mystery man: ‘Let’s hear from you, Trudeau. How are things in Canada?’
Justin Trudeau: ‘Hic. Hi guys, how’s it hanging? Hic.’
Mystery man: ‘Trudeau, have you been drinking?’
Trudeau: ‘Well, just a little bit, sir. I went to a party and…’
Mystery man: ‘Please tell me you didn’t attend black faced again?’
Trudeau: ‘Well, I, err…hic…just for a little while.’
Mystery man: ‘What did I tell you about that! You know on issues of race that we need to appear whiter than white…’
Trudeau: ‘Ha ha! You said “whiter than white”! You’re a racist! Hic.’
Mystery man (sighs): ‘Stop this silliness, Trudeau. What have you been doing to further our cause in Canada?’
Trudeau: ‘We’ve been making the world a better place, sir. Hic.’
Mystery man: ‘How?’
Trudeau: ‘Oh, spreading peace and love, man. Planting trees and stuff.’
Mystery man: ‘Enough!’
Trudeau (singing): ‘I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, hic, just like the ones I used to know, hic.’
Mystery man speaks quietly to a menacing man standing by his side and Trudeau’s telephone line cuts off.
Mystery man: ‘Tony, send Alistair Campbell to pay our friend Trudeau a visit. Get Campbell to push him into line. If that doesn’t work, go through with the lonely wood, shotgun, emotional final letter routine.’
Blair: ‘Yes, sir. Right away, sir.’
Mystery man: ‘Thank you, Tony. Now, I need to cheer myself up. Let’s hear from Australia. Prime Minister…err…Prime Minister…err. I’m sorry, Prime Minister, I’ve forgotten your name.’
Scott Morrison: ‘It’s Morrison, sir. Scott Morrison.’
Mystery man: ‘Ahh, that’s it. Morgan! How are you, Morgan? You’ve been carrying out some good work, I hear?’
Morrison: ‘Yes, sir. We’ve followed your instructions to the letter. We’ve shot the adorable puppies, made sure we’ve been filmed tearing young children away from their parents who have had one of your covid tests, put the army on the streets, battered the protestors, and imposed our seventeenth lockdown.’
Mystery man: ‘Excellent work, Morgan. Tighten the screw further. I’d like you to join me on my private island soon to discuss the Chinese investments we have planned for your country.’
Morrison: ‘Yes, sir!’
Mystery man: ‘Right, everybody, I’m going to have to draw our chat to a close. I have a meeting with the delectable Meghan shortly…’
Sturgeon: ‘But, sir, what about me, sir?’
Mystery man: ‘Oh very well, Nicola. What have you been up to?’
Sturgeon: ‘Well, sir, I’ve made a speech attacking the Toaries, said some nasty things about Boris Johnson to the newspapers, demanded another independence referendum, and made another speech attacking the Toaries…’
Mystery man (sighs): ‘Yes, yes, well done, Nicola. That’ll be all.’
Sturgeon: ‘But, sir, I’ve got even more to tell you!’
Mystery man: ‘Look, Nicola, I’ve told you before, if you want a private audience with me then you need to wear that little tartan mini skirt. You know the one I like. Now, I’m a busy man and need to jet off to my meeting with Meghan, where we’ll be discussing my plans to make her Queen of England. We’ve told the plebs that it’s all to do with how to cut carbon to combat climate change. Unfortunately, that fool Harry has insisted on attending too. Apparently, he wants my advice on whether to sell some of his tobacco, airline and armaments shares to invest in Middle East oil fields. Still, I suppose we have to humour him. Anyway, it’s time for our goodbye mantra. Are you ready?’
World leaders as one: ‘Yes, sir!’
Mystery man: ‘Zero covid!’
World leaders: ‘Zero covid!’
Mystery man: ‘Cut carbon!’
World leaders: ‘Cut carbon!’
Mystery man: ‘Save the world!’
World leaders: ‘Save the world!’
Mystery man: ‘How do we do it?’
World leaders (beginning an eerie, mystical, tribal-like chant): ‘Whooa oahh, whooa oahh, vacciiine. (gaining in intensity) Whooa oahh, whooa oahh, vacciiine. (even louder) Whooa oahh, whooa oahh, vacciiine.’
Here, the radio reception starts to fade and is suddenly replaced by Radio Luxembourg.
Beau wrote: "I just watched James's link. It was superb. That chap is excellent!James and Lance, I actually wrote a satire about the response to covid a while back and posted it elsewhere. I'll copy it here n..."
Nice one, Beau👏🏻
Beau wrote: "I just watched James's link. It was superb. That chap is excellent!James and Lance, I actually wrote a satire about the response to covid a while back and posted it elsewhere. I'll copy it here n..."
LOL...love it
This is well done...It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Fascism (a Christmas Carol) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4G-1...
Neil Oliver: Our new Christmas tradition? A great big dollop of fear from Government grinches https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69FgD...
So please use this thread to post any comedy you think gets the same points across as serious commentators.