Queereaders discussion

I definitely have physical crushes like people I think are hot and stuff but I dunno about romantic ones like somebody I'm close with and like. I know that aromantic is a thing but i don't know if thats me or not. To be honest i don't really know what a crush is as in how do you feel when you're romantically interested in somebody and how do you know that you actually are? i need help

It's normal. I can't tell you whether you're ace or aro, but asexual and aromantic experiences are normal. Please do not assume being ace or aro is not "not normal" (that's aphobia). We're just not allo (allosexual or alloromantic, the opposite of ace/aro).

The ace/aro spectrum includes a very diverse range of people who experience sexual or romantic attraction in ways that fall outside of the norms of allosexuality and alloromanticism. It's not black and white. I'm what is usually called a grey ace/aro, and in my case, I rarely but sometimes experience physical attractions whereas I'm more likely to experience romantic attraction, but only in certain kinds of relationships and not like what is normally expected by mainstream allo culture. We aces and aros are all a bit different, so one or two definitions don't cover us all.

My best advice is to not worry about what is normal. You're fine, whether you're aro or not.

Thanks for all that encouraging advice! I know for sure that I'm not asexual, but I'm just trying to figure out whether my crushes are both sexual and romantic or just sexual. Like, for me the people I love, like really love, are all just my best friends. I think I've experienced love before, but only platonic love. It never went with any of my physical feelings for someone. So I'm just trying to figure things out. I've not been in a relationship before but I'm trying to sort out that if I were, then how I would feel about that person.

When I’ve experienced a romantic crush, it’s more of the cliche feeling of: warm body tingles, butterflies and like i get tongue-tied around that person. Or whenever, i hear their name or see them i feel happy or nervous.

DSS wrote: "When I’ve experienced a romantic crush, it’s more of the cliche feeling of: warm body tingles, butterflies and like i get tongue-tied around that person. Or whenever, i hear their name or see them ..."

Thanks so much for your input!

People talk about normal as if there really is a "normal". There really isn't a normal, especially when it comes to your sexual preferences. Even cis people don't have a normal, they just don't talk about their kinks.
I went to a Baptist university when I was still a Christian, and pastors were constantly talking about sexual sin. Talking about if you were right with God, you wouldn't be lusting after people. It never even occurred to me that other people were having issues with this, and the point was to guilt everyone with purity culture. I just assumed I was just a great Christian. Lol. I am gen x, so didn't even have the thought of ace. I am actually demi-sexual.

Don't worry about any of it. You are OK just the way you are. It's possible you haven't had a crush bc everyone around you isn't worthy of liking, and one day you will find someone you like. Maybe not. It really sounds cliche, but you really do need to learn how to love and accept yourself first. Best thing you can do.

thank you all for all that great advice!!! I'm not really yet certain whether or not I'm actually aromantic, but I'm fine either way :)

I think I can love someone romantically, though I'm not entirely sure, but think that it just hasn't yet been paired with my more sexual feelings for someone. Still waiting for my "one true love" to come along, but in the meantime, thanks for all your insight!! Really appreciate it