Book Excerpts discussion

Rafael glanced around. Air stalled in his lungs. The owner of Fontaine restaurant was stunning. She laughed softly. Even with the noise of the crowded bar Rafael heard the alluring sound. He decided then and there he’d hear it again…while they were in bed.

“Welcome to Fontaine, gentlemen,” Nathalyia Fontaine greeted. “Is the food and the service to your satisfaction?”
“I have a problem,” Rafael said, waiting for her to face him. When she did, his pulse hammered, but nothing showed on his face. He wasn’t a cop for nothing.

“Yes?”
Standing, Rafael held out his hand. “My name’s Rafael Dunlap.” The contact was barely the touch of their palms. Still, Rafael felt his heart rate increase. He studied her exquisite face for a reaction, and was disappointed to see none. “Go out with me and we can discuss it.”

Not one luscious black lash moved. Rafael couldn’t recall a woman being totally unresponsive to him. He wasn’t sure he liked it.

“Please excuse me for a moment.” She walked to the hostess station. Rafael watched her every step. He admired the erect posture, the way the black material hugged her perfectly shaped hips. Without conceit, he told himself that he’d be doing the same before the week was over.

She returned with a menu and handed it to him. “As you will see, I’m not on the menu,” she replied sweetly. “Gentlemen. Please come again.”

She hadn’t taken two steps away before the men at his table burst out laughing.


Francis Ray

I liked it Frances. Why did Rafael find her stunning? Was it her eyes, mouth, hair, or flawless skin? I want a glimpse of what he saw to make his eyes widen, or a slight waggle of his eyebrows when he saw her. What sense did he use besides his eyes that described the shape of her hips hugging her dress. Did he like the scent of her perfume? What did it smell like? What did it invoke in him? I'm told I can be too descriptive and wordy, and need to show more. Show me more.
Regards, Urenna

Leola,
Thank you so much. I really hope you like the book.

Urenna,
Thank you.

That's not the way I write. It's stops the flow of the book to describe every little detail about the characters, atmosphere, and mood.

Its pretty good...but something ordinary,this type of scene appears in almost all the novels,pls try some thing different.Like hero meeting the heroine in a brothel area, both goes to a bed room..there she pleads him,to leave her alone,coz she has to prepare for her forthcoming board exams, and asks him to stay in the room, he understands and tells o.k. and likes her the very instant, and stays throught the nite with out distrubing her...hows it.o.k!!! pls try something different like this.

Frances,

I admire your writing. I've written for a long time, but I am still learning how to "do the "write" thing in my writing (smile). My comments were meant to be constructive. In my latest excerpt from "But For Those Who Love, I was told that I am good with expository writing (probably because of an instructor I had), but received constructive criticism for not showing enough. So I am now more keen about reviewing others' writings, as well as my own concerning showing/telling. Writing is not easy, but it's exciting and wonderful, almost magical to be absorbed into storytelling. It is a wonderful gift that we have.

I hope you have time to join the 24-hour writing contest at writersweeky.com; the next contest is 4/24. So join ASAP!

Kindest regards,

Urenna

P.S. I just saw your email. Lately, I have been very lax with my emails.

Urenna,
Thank you.
Not a problem. Everyone writes different and of course, writing is hard. LOL

I don't have the time to join the contest. Good luck to all who enter.

Thank you, Frances!

Regards,

Urenna

Your welcome, Urenna
Best of luck!