Writing Passionates discussion
It's Joke Time!
Mod
Mod
The one with the brunette in the city, or on the train tracks?Here's something fun I found on the internet:
Murphy's Lesser Known Laws
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog
The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Did you hear about the butcher who backed into his meat grinder and got a little behind in his work?
lol.A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to his senses, he motioned for her to come near him.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What, my dear?" she asked gently, hoping that all her hard work would be repayed.
"You're a jinx!"
I got some but you guys try guessing first before i give the answers...1. What has two humps and is at the north pole?
2. Why did the man throw his watch out the window?
3. Why were the middle ages so dark?
4. What do you use to wash a phone?
5. What’s the best thing about numbers?
6. What did the alien say to the puzzle?
HEHEHE ;p
I dunno any of the others except for #2. and Ling-Ling HB got that one.
1. A lost camel?2. Yeah he wanted to see time fly
3. Because it was midnight?
4. um...
I blank now.
Mod
2)like before said, to see time fly
3)Because there were so many (k)nights!
4)A phone cleaner
5)They can count to anything but infinity
6)*weird voice* you puzzle me. why did I ever come to eaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrtttttthhhhhh?!?!?!!?!
(fyi, I already know 2 for sure and 3 is the only serious guess. I just felt like entertaining myself with the other ones)
Mod
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA
Mod
Mod
Mod
You guys got some correct. Here are the answers:1. What has two humps and is at the north pole?
A lost camel!
2. Why did the man throw his watch out the window?
Because he wants to watch time flies.
3. Why were the middle ages so dark?
Because there were lots of KNIGHTS
4. What do you use to wash a phone?
DIAL!
5. What’s the best thing about numbers?
You count on them!
6. What did the alien say to the puzzle?
“I come in peace, you come in pieces.”
Hehehe :p Hope you guys got entertained somehow
Mod
Mod
And Brigid, I heard that blond joke that you mentioned. XD
BTW, is anyone going to be offended if I tell a few blond jokes? I don't mean them in an offensive way.
I'm glad you guys found it funny. Hey Sella! Sure... Joke away... BTW, Dial is a brand of soap :p
message 27:
by
Sella, ov vey! i haven't checked this group in months. ><
(last edited Nov 02, 2008 10:46PM)
(new)
Mod
The following is one of my favorite blond jokes:
What do you do if a blond throws a grenade at you?
Pull out the pin and throw it back.
What do you do if a blond throws a pin at you?
Run for your life. She's got a grenade in her hand!
omg i have so many blonde jokes its not even funny!!
lol.Okay, so here's one of my favorite jokes.
A psychology teacher decides to start her lesson off a little differently.
"If you think you're stupid, please stand up." She said to the class.
There were a few moments where no one stood up. Finally Little Johnny stood up.
"Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?" The teacher asked.
"No ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all alone."
I love Little Johnny. He's hilarious. Let me see if I can find some more.Little Johnny was going to his faters house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon.
He was walking to his fathers house with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill.
He started up the hill but was constantly swearing because it was so heavy
A priest heard him and came out. "You shouldn't be swearing" said the priest. "God hears you...He is everywhere...He's in the chruch...He's on the sidewalk...He's everywhere"
Then Little Johnny says "Oh, is he in my Wagon?"
The prist replies "Yes Johnny God is in your Wagon"
Little Johnny says "Well tell him to get out and start pulling."
As I said before, I love Little Johnny.
hahaha... funny... more... more... :)
lol!! More Little Johnny! He's hilarious.
I can't find any more Little Johnnys that are clean! Here, give me a minute...Little Johnny's next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby.
Little Johnny's parents were very afraid their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby. So, Little Johnny's dad had a long talk with Little Johnny before going to the neighbors.
He said, "Now, son...that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears, or I'm really going to spank you when we get back home."
"I promise not to mention his ears at all," said Little Johnny.
At the neighbor's home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at its mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!" The mother said, "Thank you very much, Little Johnny." He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why... just look at his pretty little eyes. Did his doctor say he can see good?"
The Mother said, "Why, yes... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision."
Little Johnny said, "Well, it's a good thing, cause he sure as heck can't wear glasses!"
Teacher; Didn't you promise to behave?Little Johnny: Yes, sir.
Teacher: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
Little Johnny: Yes, sir, but since I broke my promise, you didn't have to keep yours.
Little Johnny returned from school and told his father that he'd gotten an "F" in arithmetic."Why?" asked the father.
"The teacher asked me 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said '6,'" replied Johnny.
"But that's right!" exclaimed his father.
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'" explained Johnny.
"What the %@*!$'s the difference?" asked his father.
"That's what I said!!" replied Johnny.
Little Johnny was talking to a couple of boys in the schoolyard. Each was bragging about how great their fathers are.The first one said: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow!"
The second one said: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet!"
Little Johnny listened to the other two boys and shook his head. He then said: "Sorry, dudes... but MY DAD is the fastest. He's a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30,... and he's home by 3:45!"
On day Little Johnny said to his mother "Mom, remember that vase you always worried I'd break?""Yes. What about it?" she asked.
Little Johnny replied "Your worries are over!"
Teacher: "Johnny, give me a sentence starting with 'I'"Little Johnny: "I is..."
Teacher: "No, Little Johnny. Always say 'I am.'"
Little Johnny: "All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
Mod
Hey guys! I've got a little nancy joke. It's the first time I've heard of little nancy. i guess it's a girl counterpart of lil Johnny. Anyway, here goes... Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat." :D
1)Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?2)Who is the greatest underwater spy
Guess the awnswer
Post some jokes ;p