Books Without Borders discussion

August 8-14: HC pages 95 (December 21,2000) through 194 (January 17, 2001)

Here are the questions that pertain to this week's reading!

Could you describe Eva as a loving mother -- in deed if not in thought? Was Kevin overly indulged by a parenting style that let him potty train and learn at his own pace?

Did the inclusion of a child into Eva and Franklin's stable, loving relationship cause the rift between them? Did the fact of a child threaten their marriage? How was Kevin perceived as a threat by Eva from conception? What expectations did Eva have of motherhood and how did she meet the reality of it? Was Franklin unsupportive of Eva?

Let's discuss!

Well I am a good week behind our reading schedule. I had a really hard time picking up the book during Eva's pre-pregnancy and pregnancy with Kevin. I'm soldering on now and have finally finished week two's reading.

I am incredibly frustrated with Eva and Franklin's way of bringing up Kevin. I get irritated with Franklin's coddling and babying of Kevin. He's 6 and still in diapers and is the dad who never ever wants to blame his son for anything, it's driving me crazy for sure! I don't like Eva very much either but my goodness she sure is putting up with a lot, from both Kevin and Franklin.

Eva's way of being so self-pitying and self-loathing is annoying. However, if we were all to voice our thoughts about ourselves through every ordeal would we be much different? In a way I'm sure most of us would criticize ourselves to a certain extent (we are our own worst critics) but I honestly hope that we don't beat ourselves up as much as Eva does herself.

As for the questions Maranda posted, I don't think I could describe Eva as a loving mother, she had a child to please her husband. She would have been thrilled if he would have been a stay at home dad and took care of everything, but she would still have had the instincts that I think Franklin lacks. Kevin was definitely overindulged by Franklin, he had him in the bag from the day he was born and he knew that. I think Kevin relishes in the fact that he drives Eva crazy and loves to make her uncomfortable. They are definitely very much alike and butt heads.

I think that having a child for Eva and Franklin was definitely a bad decision, it caused a lot of turmoil. They were a happy couple before but if they had never had a child I think Eva would have let herself believe that she let Franklin down. Not to say that Franklin wouldn't have felt let down, I am sure he would have, but I just feel that in the beginning of the book the way she talks about her interactions with Franklin he was happy with her but would have been even happier with her and a child. I actually think that he wouldn't have held it against her forever. Men usually do get over things more easily than women do. I think they would have been happier not having children, much like everyone was saying on the Week 1 discussion board, Eva should never had had a child if she didn't want one.

I found some notes I wrote while reading this book. It was a year ago. I very much disliked Eva at first.. Franklin's parenting style (or lack thereof) drove me nuts. Kevin was so manipulative; he saw right through his dad right away and made me sick the way he could twist his dad any old which way. You're right. It's not an easy book to read.

Lori wrote: "Well I am a good week behind our reading schedule. I had a really hard time picking up the book during Eva's pre-pregnancy and pregnancy with Kevin. I'm soldering on now and have finally finished..."

Don't worry Lori. I think a lot of us are behind. I'm trying to catch up for week 3.

Do you think that Franklin is so extreme on the opposite spectrum from Eva because he is overcompensating for her lack of affection toward Kevin? Does he even realize what he's doing if that's the case?

Carol wrote: "I found some notes I wrote while reading this book. It was a year ago. I very much disliked Eva at first.. Franklin's parenting style (or lack thereof) drove me nuts. Kevin was so manipulative; he ..."

Sometimes we see what we want to see don't you think? Maybe that's why Franklin refused to believe anything bad about his child? Franklin also doesn't spend much time with Kevin. He has his rose colored glasses on when he looks at Kevin and Kevin plays it up. Franklin also believes the worst in Eva, maybe because he knows she would have been happier without a child??

I do think that Franklin is overcompensating for Eva's lack of affection towards Kevin. Without knowing how he's thinking and seeing the story solely from Eva's point of view we can't be sure what he's thinking but maybe he is also making up excuses to compensate for his childhood and what he did/didn't get to do.

As for him being aware of the overcompensation, I'm not sure. On one hand I want to say that he goes out of his way to take Kevin's side on things because when you form a relationship with someone and become their partner you should at least be on the same page some times. I know partnerships break down but Franklin seems to never have believed Eva when she said something bad about Kevin. He was always on Kevin's side, never Eva's. But to say that he was actively and consciously defying Eva on essentially a day-to-day basis is a stretch too because he said he'd never break up their family. Maybe he just sensed the displeasure with Kevin and how Kevin altered Eva's life and maybe he understood that she wasn't completely happy with him and therefore wanted to shield Kevin from the unloving nature of Eva and therefore subconsciously pushed her away from himself to make things better for Kevin.

What do you think? I got caught up for week 3, I don't know what got into me but I defintely flew through the last few letters. I think the extremely uncomfortable beginning of the book has levelled out for me and now I want to know what happens, particularly how the separation between Franklin and Eva plays out.

There are quite a few dysfunctions going on between Franklin and Eva where Kevin's concerned. I also don't get why Franklin can't or chooses not to rationalize Eva's comments about Kevin. I'm not sure if my heart is beginning to feel for Eva at this point.