Daniel

“They were going to shoot us for five hundred dollars," I said. "Wait." I turned to Limp. "Was that apiece?"

"To split," Limp said.

"Really?" I said.

Limp nodded. "We got some raccoons out of an attic for the same price.”
― Joe R. Lansdale, Rusty Puppy

“Everything is humorous," said Shorty, "except your own death. But other people will laugh.”
― Joe R. Lansdale

“Jim Bob looked at his watch.
"I got time to get there and shower up, put on some smell-good, buy a couple packs of rubbers, and meet my barrel racer."
"Couple packs of rubbers," Brett said. "Very romantic."
"Ah, honey, I'm taking her to dinner first, and I always let the woman put the rubber on, and I think two packs is enough. And don't worry. I need an extra pack, I can send her to the drugstore. I got a bicycle in the garage.”
― Joe R. Lansdale, Honky Tonk Samurai

“Ollie's got a nice trumpet."

"Ollie plays the trumpet?"

"No. He stuffs it with old rags and f**ks it like a Fleshlight. It's a very specific fetish. Yes, he plays the trumpet.”
― Todd Robinson, Rough Trade