Jaime Kinsley

“We are aware, Dolly Something Alderton, you are single with an income of £30,000 at best while we have a joint annual earning of £230,000. We also understand that we live in a £700,000 flat in Battersea, the deposit on which was paid in its entirety by our parents, while you struggle to scrape together £668 every month to pay your rent, so by this logic we thought it would make sense for you to be the one to give us expensive presents to adorn our already fully furnished home. No, but seriously, we just want you there, so don’t worry at all about the present or the charity thing or whatever. If you turn up empty-handed we’ll just make barbed comments about it at dinner parties to our mutual friends when you’re not there for the following year. And, actually, that suits us fine, because we need to carry on talking about the wedding until we get pregnant, so hopefully your selfish decision to not celebrate our love with a Le Creuset set will give us enough material to bring it up in every conversation until we can move on to trimesters and water births, so thanks.”
― Dolly Alderton, Everything I Know About Love: A Memoir