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“When the time comes, if it comes, you have got to be ready to leave a relationship or a marriage, not necessarily because you stopped loving the other person, but because you realise that with them, you cannot be, or become, the person that you know you want or need to be.”
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“I've met people who say they don't want relationships; but it's not the relationships that they don't want: it is the mundane dynamic that is named the "relationship", which they despise. The struggle for control; the humdrum motions recycled by a billion other couples; the low rhythm that seems to cycle, repeating its monotonous hymn through the myriad crowds. They want to find someone and feel every vein in their body connect to that person, they want to fly with someone, they want what's natural; they want a partner. It's a partner they want. Not a "relationship"; but a partner. A whole other person who wants to stay with their own whole person. They want something meant for them, or nothing at all.”
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“I don't believe in the concept of marriage. I believe people can get married, but I also believe it's up to them just how many times they get married and divorced. Because people change, we all change. We can never really, truly promise someone fidelity or everlasting love until death, because we are always changing, growing and we genuinely don't know who we'll be ten years from now or who we'll want to be with ten years from now. So what are you gonna keep on doing? Are you going to just kiss everything else in your life goodbye, because you promised to stay loyal to one person? The marriage concept is unrealistic, phantasmic. We are all individuals and we all change, it's the way of nature itself. Weddings are nice things to do, but, I will never judge anyone who gets married and divorced a dozen times, because, you'll never know how many times it'll take before you grow enough to find the actual one for you.”
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“I always tell my son, "Make sure that you live the life that you're meant to live. You might get married and divorced six times; that's okay, that's your story. You might get married once and stay with that person for the rest of your life; that's okay too. You might never get married and that's just fine! Make sure that you live the life that's meant for you, to the fullest capacity of how you're meant to live it, not how others think you're supposed to live it.”
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“People can only love you from their own capacity to love. From their own well of love. I think that the greatest pains we've experienced in life, are those that come as a result of not understanding that we don't all share the same well. You can be loving from a well that's oceans deep, while another person has a well the size of a laundry pail. It's not their fault. It's not your fault either. But their pail isn't going to turn into an ocean and your ocean isn't going to turn into a pail. You have to find the people who swim at the same depths as you do. But it's also about the taste of the water; you see, someone can love you with an ocean's depth of water but you just don't like saltwater; you're a freshwater creature. That's still okay. When love isn't enough, that's okay. You have to wait for the depths and the tastes that match your own.”
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Jayanth Rajan’s 2024 Year in Books
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