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“We´re afraid that if we fully surrender to our darkness, we´ll never come back from it. We´re afraid our darkness will go on and on and on, that there is no end to it and that we will get lost in it. We´re afraid that if we show these ugly, unpalatable parts of ourselves, it will be too much for others; that nobody will love and accept us, and we´ll be left alone with only the worst parts of ourselves for company.”
― The Opposite of Butterfly Hunting: The Tragedy and The Glory of Growing Up
― The Opposite of Butterfly Hunting: The Tragedy and The Glory of Growing Up
“And where before I was just scribbling, writing, moving from the mere joy of it, now I tried to commodify my creativity. I tried to squeeze it out and make it do something worthwhile, be special be important, be good. But that's the tricky thing about art: it's never strictly good or bad, it's just expression or excretion.”
― The Opposite of Butterfly Hunting: The Tragedy and The Glory of Growing Up
― The Opposite of Butterfly Hunting: The Tragedy and The Glory of Growing Up
“Even if you do initially start out with a keen intention to 'fight' your disorder, to fight for your health and your life, it's not a decision you make once and for all, but thousands and thousands of smaller decisions throughout the day.”
― The Opposite of Butterfly Hunting: The Tragedy and The Glory of Growing Up
― The Opposite of Butterfly Hunting: The Tragedy and The Glory of Growing Up
“It will get easier’ is probably the most offensive thing you can say to someone in the grip of pain. You are borrowing from a future that isn’t promised, a future that depends entirely on their endurance of the pain. You are taking for granted a well of strength within them that they may not possess, fast-forwarding through the ugly bits that you don’t want to watch but they must live through, nonetheless. ‘It will get easier’ is not a helpful thing to say to someone for whom only the present moment can exist, so vivid, so intense that it’s not possible to imagine a moment beyond it. The future doesn’t matter to someone enduring an unimaginable pain, so let’s not entertain that childish fantasy. All that matters is the pain that is consuming you in this moment, that you grit your teeth and try to survive it. You invalidate the pain and the damage it inflicts when you hasten to skip past it to a brighter tomorrow. Sometimes things are just unremittingly shit and the only respectful thing to do is to stand next to the person going through it and scream along with them.”
― The Opposite of Butterfly Hunting: The Tragedy and The Glory of Growing Up
― The Opposite of Butterfly Hunting: The Tragedy and The Glory of Growing Up
“One of the unlikely gifts of having an eating disorder is that nobody will ever be as mean as your disorder was. There is a profound sense of safety in being your own biggest bully, your own cruellest aggressor, which is why eating disorders are so addictive and so hard to let go of. There is something so comfortable and reassuring in getting to the edges of your darkest thought, in following it all the way to its fullest expression and burying yourself beneath it, where nobody can hurl it in your unsuspecting face.”
― The Opposite of Butterfly Hunting: The Tragedy and The Glory of Growing Up
― The Opposite of Butterfly Hunting: The Tragedy and The Glory of Growing Up
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