Andrew J. McLeod

“Burn the witch!” will always be a simpler option than, “Raise a very, very large army, cross the abysmal hells cape, battle an op- posing very, very large army, and try to figure out some way to kill the Dark Lord!” And it’s significantly more efficient to chant, as well.”
― Jeff Mach, There and Never, Ever Back Again: Diary of a Dark Lord

“How often must you be betrayed before you see that others are taking your kindness for weakness, your silence for an inability to speak?”
― Jeff Mach, There and Never, Ever Back Again: Diary of a Dark Lord

“Punching your companions is unhelpful. Go into the forest and practice unarmed combat against a tree.”
― Jeff Mach, There and Never, Ever Back Again: Diary of a Dark Lord

“I was imprisoned, and no-one freed me.
I cried for help, and no-one freed me.
Eventually, I shook off my chains and I returned.
They said, 'Why do you no longer love us?'
I said, 'I realized that you have always been my chains.”
― Jeff Mach, There and Never, Ever Back Again: Diary of a Dark Lord