

“Remember, despite the fact that this book is being sold as a 'fantasy' novel, you must take all of the things it says extremely seriously, as they are quite important, are in no way silly, and always make sense.
Rutabaga.”
― Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians
Rutabaga.”
― Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians

“People can do great things. However, there are some things they just CAN'T do. I, for instance, have not been able to transform myself into a Popsicle, despite years of effort.”
― Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians
― Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians

“I've always been very confident in my immaturity.”
― Mistborn: The Final Empire
― Mistborn: The Final Empire

“You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm.
It's really funny.”
― Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians
It's really funny.”
― Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians

“Personally, I say, "Out of the frying pan and into the deadly pit filled with sharks who are wielding chainsaws with killer kittens stapled to them." However, that one's having a rough time catching on.”
― Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones
― Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones
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