Arthur Graham’s Reviews > North Hollywood Blue > Status Update

“That’s what it’s all about, in the end...fuckin’ pussy. I’ll drink to that.”

Dick didn’t say he went to Community College for two semesters. He didn’t want to pick up an on-set nickname like College Boy, or The Professor, which is like being known as Short-Eyes, or Petunia, in prison.

The term money shot is not merely picturesque. It is exact and technical. No money shot equals no porn equals no money equals no porn. Money shots are what make porno real. Proof that the hardcore sex happened.

There’s only one way to go, where sex between human beings is concerned. That one way is really two ways: in and out. In the porn biz, it’s three ways: in and out and on and on and on.

“Hello, Teresa...I mean, Miss X. I'm Dick Hickory.”

"I’m more than happy to do Puffy Nipple Pissers #17. No problem...take a shower afterwards and you’re good as new."

Dick’s mind flashed back to the all-anal loop he’d worked on that morning. One of his co-stars complained of hemorrhoids. “Speed bumps,” she called them.

How you live affects your comeback after you die. If you were a bad man, you come back as a rat, or a cockroach. But if you’re a good cockroach, you might get to be a dog or a cat in a nice old lady’s house. You work your way up, until you're thrown off the wheel. If you’re a hard-on in Project X porn loops, you're reborn as a sexually abused donkey in a cantina on the grimy outskirts of Tijuana.

Dick could barely stand up. He lurched towards the wooden door marked “Caballeros” and blew his guts out into a urinal. Then the world went greasy black.

Dick was in the middle of a close-up blowjob scene when the lunch clipboard came around. The techie held up the usual list of sub stylings, raised his eyebrows. Dick shook his head. The techie switched to the burrito menu. Dick squinted and pointed at the steak burrito option. The techie made a note: steak burrito—Dick.