Allen Steadham's Blog: From Allen - Write Away! - Posts Tagged "christianity"

This excerpt is from my next novel, The Former Things, a Christian fiction story told from the perspective of an atheist. This is a part of a flashback of the main character, Sean Winter, when he was in college.

(Excerpt begins)

At the time, Jennie Lou was a sophomore. She grew up in Texas, somewhere near Dallas. We're the same height, though she was heavier than me. She had bright blue eyes, long strawberry blonde hair, and a kind smile. I thought I was in love with her. She led Campus Revival for two years and had recruited me to the cause a few months earlier.

For such an attractive woman, she had a surprisingly rough voice. It reminded me of Peppermint Patty from the Peanuts gang, if she grew up and went to college. She could be kind of bossy like her, too, but I didn’t mind. I was completely devoted to her, which was probably the worst reason to join a college club.

“At least he looked at it, Sean,” she told me after we saw one young man throw away one of our group's pamphlets. “You never know how the Lord may work with him later.”

Jennie Lou always rebuilt the club’s — or rather, my confidence when people rejected our efforts. Despite her encouragement, I hadn’t been convinced this time. I felt like we were wasting our time. But I didn’t want to openly disagree with her. I didn’t want to disappoint her.

“I suppose you’re right, Jennie,” I said, still sounding dejected.

She took me by the shoulders and practically held me up with her own strength. In that moment, all my attention was on her gorgeous heart-shaped face. Just seeing it and being so close to her lifted my spirits in ways nothing else could. I saw that her faith was unshakeable. And I would follow wherever she led...like a grinning idiot.

“Sean, listen to me,” she said, letting go and turning around to face the greater campus. She was wearing one of the purple Campus Revival t-shirts she’d designed. The logo was a white cross rising over the yellow blocky letters “Campus Revival OU.” It was the same on the front and back. I thought it complimented her figure, along with the blue jeans and white sneakers. Still looking away, she stretched out her right arm and opened her palm towards the students walking down the sidewalk. “We’re like front line soldiers for Jesus. We’ve been given a responsibility — us — and this is something we’re uniquely qualified to do.”

Then she swung around and faced me, looking determined. “All we have to do is reach out to the students. It’s up to them whether they accept us or not. But if we don’t try, then the work doesn’t get done at all. Do you understand?”

I didn’t understand at all. Every time we went out in public, we were mocked, even laughed at. Only club members came to our events and not all of them at that. I didn’t feel like we reached anybody. But this was Jennie Lou. I would have climbed a mountain for her. Or endured a thousand insults to protect her honor and beliefs.

But what about my beliefs? I felt like a liar inside. I’d attended church services ever since I came to live with my grandparents. I’d even learned some scriptures. I could behave just like a Christian, but it was all an act. Smile, say the right words, keep out of trouble, and say the blessing. I could do those things. But I had no deep devotion.

This excerpt is from my next novel, The Former Things, a Christian fiction story told from the perspective of an atheist. This part shows Sean Winter facing a tornado during his first day on a new job.

(Excerpt begins)

There’s a new roaring noise outside. It’s incredibly loud, like metal being torn apart and glass shattering, a nightmarish freight train barreling through the city. People start screaming and hiding under their desks. I already know it’s a tornado!

I’m locked in combat with my anxiety now….and I’m losing! I’m afraid that this building will start shaking. And if it does, I know that’s the beginning of the end. I imagine the ceiling or walls suddenly ripping away and that’s it — we’ll all get sucked up and killed by the twister.

I shake off that painful thought and look at Keith. He appears concerned but he’s calmer than me. He’s closed his eyes and his mouth is moving. Is — is he praying? I can’t tell. I listen closer and a moment later, I can understand his final words: “...in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

My mouth hangs open and anger seethes in my heart. I can’t help but feel betrayed. I thought he was a good person. But I was wrong. He’s a Christian!

Keith looks up and sees me. He seems genuinely perplexed.

“What is it, Sean? What’s wrong?”

It takes all of my will to keep my voice low. The tumult outside has started to move away, but my nerves are strained to their limit. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. I want to hit something, but I can’t move.

“You,” I almost growl. “I thought you were normal. I was — really starting to respect you. But you’re one of them.” I see his brow furrow in confusion, and I spit the words at him: “A Christian.”

Keith’s only visible reaction is to blink in stunned silence. He puts his hands in his lap, lowers his head, and takes a deep breath. It’s a few seconds before he looks up and says anything.

“Yes, I am a Christian,” Keith replies slowly. “What about it? Why does that bother you so much?”

I release the armrest of my chair and clench my fist in my lap.

“It bothers me because it's a placebo! There is no god and religion doesn't solve anything.”

Keith waits to respond again. In a way, I’m grateful. It gives me a chance to calm down a little. The tornado sounds are gone now. All I can hear is the rain lashing against the sides of the building and occasional thunder. Most of our coworkers are out of sight, probably still under their desks. I can hear some of them whispering now and then. I don’t see or hear Jessica. She must be out of the Call Center, probably trying to see who can get the power back on.

Just then, Keith slowly leans forward in his chair. He’s actually pretty calm.

“You’re an atheist then?” he finally says.
“Yes.”
“If you don’t believe in God, that’s your choice,” Keith continues. “And I respect that.”

That’s surprising to hear.

“But let me ask you something, Sean: Why does it matter to you if someone else does believe in God?”

What? Did he really just ask that? Is he stupid? This is making me madder.

“It matters to me if I see someone is choosing to be a mean, selfish hypocrite, yeah.”
“So, all Christians are mean, selfish hypocrites to you?”

I stare at him, my irritation simmering. I take a deep breath.

“There is no evidence of any supreme being ever existing,” I tell Keith. “But there is plenty of evidence to support rational and scientific explanations for what used to be attributed to superstition, gods, and other silly belief systems.”
“Science has helped us understand a lot of things,” Keith acknowledges. He’s serious at first. Then he smiles, amused. “We know the Earth isn’t flat, for example.”
I sigh. “We know a lot more than that.”
“Do we know everything about everything?” he asks.

If the power ever comes back on, I’m asking Jessica to sit me with someone else.

“No, of course not,” I reply. “But we’re learning more all the time.”
“Granted. Will that be enough?”
What is he talking about? “Enough for what?”
“Enough to satisfy human knowledge and curiosity. Will we ever know it all?”

He’s carried this debate further than I thought he would. Maybe this isn’t such a bad way to pass the time.

“No, I doubt we’ll ever know it all,” I suggest. “Humans will always have questions and seek knowledge.”
“I agree,” Keith adds. “But is intellectual knowledge enough to satisfy us humans? Can we live off of knowledge alone? Or do we need more?”

That’s an interesting question, I have to admit.

“I suppose we need emotional satisfaction also,” I answer.
“How do we attain that?” Keith inquires.

I give that some thought.

“By accomplishing goals we set for ourselves.”
“Like what — school, work, marriage, and family? Things like that?”
“I guess. I mean, not everyone wants to get married or have kids. But there are all kinds of goals people can set for themselves.”

He looks as intrigued by this discussion as me. It’s also relieving to hear the rain finally dying down outside.

“And what if a person fails to achieve their goals?” he asks me. “Are they a failure and doomed to be miserable for the rest of their life?”
“Obviously not,” I counter. “If one goal doesn’t work out, a person can always make up new dreams to follow.”
“New dreams,” Keith repeats, nodding. “What’s your dream, Sean?”

“Wow, I can see why you have a problem with them,” someone says next to me.

It’s Keith! How did he get into my dream? It makes me mad and embarrassed at the same time. The intensity I felt towards him during the storm returns.

“There!” I shout, pointing at my inebriated family members. “You see why I don’t trust you? One day, you’re gonna turn out to be just like them. They’re Christians, too!”

Keith looks at me with concern and what could be pity. He takes in a breath and releases it slowly.

“They began the race, but they did not finish,” Keith tells me.
“What? What does that mean?”
“They didn't keep the faith,” Keith says sadly. “They denied Christ through their actions. They do not represent Him.”

COVER REVEAL for The Former Things , my Christian fiction novel told from the perspective of an atheist. The official release date is July 12, 2022. I'll have preorder info soon!

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