Jason Rose's Blog

On a daily basis we are bombarded with an avalanche of information about climate change, dictators being elected in the so-called free world, fascism, election meddling, nuclear weapons in Korea, Iran, the Kardashians, and the list of terrifying potential world altering event goes on. Today, I want to take a moment to discuss a serious topic, one that hits close to home for many Americans, pizza insurance.

You may have seen the recent commercials from one of Americas leading pizza suppliers offering both take-out and delivery insurance. I want to warn you this is a scam of the highest order. It is an effort by the thin crust state to repackage a right you already had, as something new, a so-called gift. Don’t fall for it. Pizza insurance is an attempt to limit your rights and control your mind. Don’t let the pizza cabal control you. It is so obvious, pizza + insurance = the end of your freedoms. Next, they will be trying to charge you for the parmesan and red pepper packets. The thin crust state, the faction of evil that controls the world, doesn’t want you to realize this. They want you to think they are doing you a favor—they’re not. Think for yourself. Think about it, is the pizza company really offering you anything by giving you this so-called insurance? Is this a new right they are giving you? No. Of course not. They are taking a right from you. A right to good service. What it is they are actually offering? They are claiming, if they screw your order up, and you fill out a reem of paperwork within 16 hours of your order, and you document their mistake with photos, and you save the pizza, don’t eat it, they will at some point after reviewing your application pick up the old pizza, assuming you have saved it, and bring you a replacement pizza? What a crock? This is two steps backwards in pizza rights.

Think about the old ways. Prior to adopting this policy if the pizza authorities screwed up your delivery order, you would call them and complain and they would either refund you your money and let you keep the screwed up pizza, or immediately send you a new one and let you keep the old one. If your hungry and your order a pizza, what good is a replacement pizza 16 hours later? By the time you get it, you will have died of starvation. Who actually has the discipline not to eat the screwed-up order? I’ll tell you, nobody does. And they know it. This new delivery insurance is a scam so that the thin crust state no longer has to replace screwed up orders. Join me in a revolt against the thin crust state. Down with bad pizza service. Oh, and read my newest book The Lycanthrope's Lawyer.

This is the pizza resistance signing off.

I don't want to get political here, but as a lawyer, and a human, I find the reaction many people have to individuals who come forward and report sexual assault disappointing to say the least. I often hear the arguments, “there is no physical evidence therefore it must not be true,” or “there are no corroborating witnesses, so she must be making it up,” or “she doesn’t remember all the details, therefore it must not be true.” For some people those seems to be default mindsets and they are simply wrongheaded. The world is not always concrete and there isn’t always a witness, a truthful witness, or a video tape. Sometimes things happen for which the only evidence is the testimony of the two people involved. That doesn’t mean those things didn’t happen. Imagine for a moment that there were no bystanders and no one had video taped Rodney King being beaten by those police officers in Los Angeles. Does that mean it didn’t happen? Had Mr. King come forward and claimed he was beaten by the cops, those cops likely would have all have testified that Rodney King’s injuries occurred due to his own conduct. Mr. King wouldn’t have had any corroborating witnesses, or physical evidence proving his claim –but does that mean it didn’t happen? Of course not. We all know it did.

Every single day of your life, things occur for which there is no physical evidence or corroborating witnesses; but that doesn’t mean those things didn’t happen. For example, lets simplify and personalize to something nearly all of us have experienced. Imagine you had to prove your significant other kissed you on the cheek last night. If you didn’t video tape it, or take a picture, and if there was no one else in your bedroom with the two of you, how would you do that? What if your partner denied it happened? Does the fact that the only way you can prove your significant other kissed you last night is through your own testimony, mean it’s not true? Or it didn’t happen? What if you didn’t have to prove your significant other had kissed you on the check until two years later. Does the fact that you don’t remember what you had for breakfast that morning two years ago, or the color of the sheets on your bed that night, mean that your memory of your significant other kissing you is incorrect? Does it mean it didn’t happen? Of course not. Most of us remember significant events in our lives, were not computers, we don’t remember every possible insignificant detail. It is not how the mind works.

All I am trying to say is listen with an open mind. Just because the only evidence is someone’s memory or testimony, doesn’t mean that what they remember didn’t happen. I am not saying every claim is true; nor am I saying every accused is guilty. I’m just asking you not to prejudge, don’t attack victims, and don’t automatically decide not to believe someone merely because they don’t have any corroborating evidence. Someday, you might be the one needing to prove something and you might not have a corroborating witness, or physical evidence, or a memory of every tiny insignificant detail. None of those things mean, you’re not telling the truth.

My wife and I took our newborn and toddler to Off-the-Grid last night in downtown Pleasant Hill. Off-the-Grid is a bi-weekly summer event with food trucks and live music. Basically, it's an opportunity for the community to gather together have an outdoor picnic and let our kids roll around in the grass. As we walked the food truck line trying to decide what to what to eat, my eyes were drawn to the Lobster Roll truck. I have a weakness for anything seafood, especially if bread is involved. As I stood in line waiting to place my order, doubt began to seep in. The price for a lobster roll was $6. At first, I thought ok, that seems reasonable; but as I the line shrunk and I got closer to the ordering window, the price point started to bother me. I’d walked by the Burger truck and they were charging $14 a burger. I’d walked by the Kalua BBQ truck and they were charging $13 for a bowl of rice and chicken. I’d walked by the Grilled Cheese truck and they were charging $13 for a grilled cheese sandwich. $6 really seemed on the cheap side. I get the fact the $14 for a burger and $13 for a grilled cheese sandwich is robbery; but I live in the Bay Area and I understand that over paying for everything is just part of living here. As I got closer and closer to the ordering window, the $6 started to bother me more and more. Why only $6? What’s wrong with it? Is it not real lobster? Why is the damn lobster so goddamn cheap? The fog of doubt got so thick that I actually got out of line and ordered Kahlua chicken and rice from a different truck. I then sat there on the grass, playing with my children, eating chicken and rice, pissed off because I didn’t order the lobster roll. Damn that Lobster Roll truck. If only they’d over priced their food like everybody else I wouldn't have had to overpay for chicken and rice.

Do you ever find yourself at your local sandwich shop or deli starring deeply into the menu searching for something that isn’t there? Maybe something new or something different, it’s hard to articulate exactly what you’re looking for, but you will know it if you see it, and then . . . when you realize whatever it is, it isn’t there, you settle on the same turkey, avocado and swiss, on wheat, you order every time. Precious minutes of your life wasted re-reading a menu only to end up at the same decision you made before you even entered the joint? Can you really say you lived your best life if you wasted half of it, paralyzed, and starring at a menu, you know by heart?

On Thursday, not last Thursday or that day after tomorrow, or two Thursdays ago, on just a random Thursday, I found myself in a deli, starring at the same menu I’ve read and reread hundreds of times, reliving this exact moment. Then, just as I was about to order my turkey, avocado and swiss, on wheat, I was struck by a thought. More like hit and run over and then backed over again for good measure. Why wheat? I get the turkey, avocado and swiss, they are delicious, its one of those perfect pairings, even though their are three of them, but why wheat? I mean WTW? Why wheat? At that moment, I realized I wasn’t going to put up with wheat’s shit anymore. Wheat has got to go? I am kicking wheat out of my life forever and I’m going to start a romance with something exotic. Maybe rye, or sourdough, or pumpernickel. I haven’t decided yet. I don’t even know if pumpernickel is a real thing. Or how it tastes? It sounds disgusting, but I don’t care. All I know, is no more wheat for this boy.

P.S. “WTW” means What-The-Wheat. I hear it’s something all the cool kids are saying these days. #What-the-wheat.

Once you have kids, your life changes, things you took for granted, fancy restaurants, late nights, movies at the theater, traveling, all become more difficult if not impossible. I'm not saying that my kid has ruined my life because he hasn't. I love my little one. I love my life and I am excited about his partner in crime who should be joining us any day now; but it is a fact that the world my wife and I used to live in, has been forever altered.

My wife and I have always enjoyed nice restaurants with good food and better wine. We'd sometimes spend hours at a romantic restaurant, drinking, eating, and even occasionally talking. I know, it is hard to believe that after a nearly ten-year relationship, we still have something to talk about—but it was true. Once we had a kid, our focus changed, instead of looking for the quiet restaurant, with the nice ambiance, that carried our favorite bottle of pinot noir, we look for places that are kid friendly, have fast service, and have a lot of activity, so the kid has something to look at it to keep him entertained during the meal. Since our boy was born, I’ve found myself eating at restaurants like the Cheese Cake Factory, places my wife and I would never have selected in our past life.

Cheese Cake Factory is the perfect restaurant to take your little one. There are a million distractions, waterfalls, fire pits, outside seating, lots of people, the service is typically fast, and the bread is soft, perfect for our 20-month-old. Over the past year we’ve gone there probably four or five times and each time I’ve ordered the Ahi Tartare, and each time it has gotten smaller. The price has remained the same, but the serving plate keeps shrinking and the tartare went from a size the could be shared to a size fit for a toddler. Yesterday when the tartare was brought to the table, I nearly burst out laughing. $8.95 for a thimble full of tartare presented on a petite base of avocado, with wontons the size of small tortilla chips. I think they need to rename the dish and move it out of the appetizer section of the menu and into the single bite or thimble sized menu section. Sadly, I probably still order it; but I’d feel less cheated because my expectations would have been met and shouldn’t that be the goal of restaurant like Cheese Cake Factory? I don’t need excellence, I just don’t want to be cheated. Cheese Cake, step your game up.

Perhaps it’s our desire to paint the universe in our own image and/or the pleasure we take from being scared, at least in a controlled environment like a cinema, but does anyone find it odd that aliens in movies typically come in two sizes, (1) roughly human size (albeit sometimes NBA sized humans), and (2) gigantic? I won’t bore you with hundreds of examples of each, but they’re out there. I can’t help but wonder if we got it all wrong. Most life on this planet is tiny. Doesn’t probability suggest that intelligent life on other planets would develop at a smaller size? Wouldn’t it be easier to build a smaller spaceship? Wouldn’t it be easier for a smaller spaceship to reach the speeds necessary to explore the Universe? Bigger isn’t always better—says the five-foot-ten (in shoes) white boy. Shouldn’t we be on the look out for tiny aliens in tiny ships? Maybe they’re already here? Maybe they disguise their ships as insects. I’ve been in places in the world where the insect were way too big to be real. It would make much more sense to me, if I were to learn they were disguised alien spaceships. Frankly, I’d sleep better at night. Big insects scare me more than little aliens. I can’t help but laugh as I picture first contact and our current President who has a complex about firm handshakes trying to aggressively shake the hand of a 3-inch-high alien, leading to our first intergalactic donnybrook. Other than “Batteries Not Included”, which doesn’t really count because they were robots, can anyone think of a movie where tiny aliens (the little green men and women from “Attack from Mars” are too big and don‘t count – they were roughly human child size) arrived on earth in a spaceship they built? Tiny aliens that hitched a ride on a human spaceship also don’t count.

I'm working on Book Two in the Colt Valentine Arcane Justice Series; but it is going slower than I'd like. It's been a busy year. My wife is with child . . . again. We are blessed. This will be baby number two. They'll be twenty-one months apart so not exactly Irish twins - although the first one somehow came out with red hair. Don't ask me how that happened? Work has also been demanding and since I represent real human clients, with real human problems, they have to take priority over my writing. That said, I have vomited about thirty thousand words onto paper and am still looking at a 2018 publication date.

Book Two, The Lycanthrope Lawyer, takes place a few months after the Knight Advocate. Colt, Sinn, Wilson and Joycee, get mixed up in more trouble. This time of the Witch and Lycanthrope variety—with a very cool, at least I think so, legal twist. To all of you who have written me and asked when the next book is coming out - all I can say is I will do my best to get it out this year. I am trying. I actually have the next 3 books scripted out. So, don't fret - Colt's story will continue.

And people, please write reviews. More stars and more reviews, means Amazon puts Colts story in front of more eyeballs. I’m not writing to get rich, , although nobody ever complained about more money in their bank account, I write because It makes me happy to share a good story. I hope you agree Colt's story is one worth sharing. Thanks for being a fan.

I thought I would leave you with a Wilson quote from book two:

"I can’t help but wonder, when a werewolf bangs another werewolf, do they do it in wolf-form? If they do it in human form, do they always do it doggy-style? What about when a human bangs a werewolf in its human form, is that bestiality? Don't give me that look, these are serious scientific inquires. I'm all about science."