Do you ever find yourself at your local sandwich shop or deli starring deeply into the menu searching for something that isn’t there? Maybe something new or something different, it’s hard to articulate exactly what you’re looking for, but you will know it if you see it, and then . . . when you realize whatever it is, it isn’t there, you settle on the same turkey, avocado and swiss, on wheat, you order every time. Precious minutes of your life wasted re-reading a menu only to end up at the same decision you made before you even entered the joint? Can you really say you lived your best life if you wasted half of it, paralyzed, and starring at a menu, you know by heart?

On Thursday, not last Thursday or that day after tomorrow, or two Thursdays ago, on just a random Thursday, I found myself in a deli, starring at the same menu I’ve read and reread hundreds of times, reliving this exact moment. Then, just as I was about to order my turkey, avocado and swiss, on wheat, I was struck by a thought. More like hit and run over and then backed over again for good measure. Why wheat? I get the turkey, avocado and swiss, they are delicious, its one of those perfect pairings, even though their are three of them, but why wheat? I mean WTW? Why wheat? At that moment, I realized I wasn’t going to put up with wheat’s shit anymore. Wheat has got to go? I am kicking wheat out of my life forever and I’m going to start a romance with something exotic. Maybe rye, or sourdough, or pumpernickel. I haven’t decided yet. I don’t even know if pumpernickel is a real thing. Or how it tastes? It sounds disgusting, but I don’t care. All I know, is no more wheat for this boy.

P.S. “WTW” means What-The-Wheat. I hear it’s something all the cool kids are saying these days. #What-the-wheat.